Mom, dad…can I sleep with you?

kids sleepingLast night Bailey had a horrible dream to say the least. I won’t even repeat it, it’s so bad. So around 4am he climbs into bed with us. Even having a king size bed, it was a tight squeeze but we made it work. At that time I didn’t know what the nightmare was about, we just went back to sleep. Watching him lay his head down with complete ease and knowing he felt safe was the best feeling in the world. Like his safe haven. He looked so peaceful.

I was never allowed to get in bed with my mom, I actually don’t have one memory of doing so. Some parents just don’t do that. Some parents go to their kids bed and sleep with them until they fall asleep. I don’t think that’s bad idea, I just would rather him climb in with me. I know he will soon get to the age where he no longer wants or needs us for things like that. Last night I cuddled him a bit more than usual, held on a bit tighter. When he was a baby I was always scared to sleep with him. When he got a bit older though I did let him sleep with us when he was scared or sick. It was never an on going thing. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Every night, now that’s another story!

Do you or did you allow your kids to sleep with you? I could never make Bailey go back to his bed alone after having such a bad dream. But then again it’s probably because I know the feeling of being alone dealing with those fears on my own. When you were a child were you allowed to sleep with your parents? I can imagine it’s a great feeling, cuddling up with your mom. Feeling safe, even from the bad thoughts in our head. I find that comfort now in my husband. I’m hoping because I let Bailey do it that he will allow his son or daughter to do the same. I dread the day that is slowly approaching…when he longer needs me for things like this. So right now, as with every stepping stone in life I am holding on tight and truly appreciating them. And one day he will hear the words…Dad, Mom can I sleep with you? I hope he holds on tight too!

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18 Responses to Mom, dad…can I sleep with you?

  1. SKL says:

    I would have loved to co-sleep, but bringing two babies home at the same time made that impractical. My oldest has always been very content to sleep in her own little bed, so far. I’ve tried co-sleeping with my youngest when she was grieving or ill, but she can’t seem to relax and sleep in my bed. Ends up keeping me up all night. For a while she was coming to my room at night, usually just around the time I was trying to get to sleep (like 2:30am after working late), but I couldn’t allow her to make that a habit. Even if I could sleep through her nocturnal gymnastics, her sister would feel jealous. So I started telling the girls to come and wake me “after the sun comes up” and that’s when we snuggle up in my bed for a while, most days.

    As a child, I seem to remember climbing in my parents’ bed on lazy mornings (Saturdays?). I don’t believe it was ever allowed at night. Like me, they had multiple kids, and it’s hard to let one child enjoy a privilege unless you’re prepared to do it for all. That said, none of us slept “alone.” I didn’t get my own bed/room until I was 13. I think that makes a difference.

  2. Tosha says:

    Wyatt climbs in my bed every single night at about 2-3 am. The others just come when they have a nightmare.. The only time I STRONGLY urge them back to their bed or the couch is when they are sick. I know they need me when they are sick but I really really don’t need them breathing in my face or hub’s face at night so we can all get it..

  3. Lucy says:

    I never slept in my parents room. When I had nightmares they would come sit with me and talk and sing to me until I fell asleep again.
    I personally am not a big fan of co-sleeping. However, I think the occasional co-sleeping (after horrid night mares) is fine and can be very helpful for the child

  4. JQ says:

    David *now 17* use to climb into our bed about 2am every single night as soon as he got a “big boy bed”. Alexis and Zach *twins, 13 years old* well, Alexis was a great sleeper (once she stopped singing and talking for hours on end) – her twin Brother Zachary had THE WORST night terrors as a toddler and we had to go try to wake him out of it, it was hard- and we’d always let him sleep with us.

    For us personally, we’d never deny our kids to be with us if they needed it. Eventually, Zach grew out of his night terrors and we haven’t had a kid in our bed since I can remember.

    I can remember falling asleep in my parents bed once or twice and my dad carrying me back to my bed. But, no- we didn’t make a habit of it.

    There is nothing more beautiful than a sleeping child ;) So sweet and peaceful!

  5. Just a Mom says:

    My mom always came to my room and put me back to sleep. When my oldest daughter was a baby my mom lived with us and she let her sleep with her. I could never get her in her own bed! When my mom passed away my daughter was 4 and I let her sleep with me for about a year. When she hit 5, I made her sleep in her own bed and after a week of kicking and screaming she had no problems.
    My youngest daughter went straight into her own bed as an infant and I never had a problem with her. I do let the kids sleep with me if they are scared of a storm or a bad dream. Since my husband snores most of the time they opt for the couch in the living room.

  6. Joy says:

    I can really say with honesty that I never once crawled into my parents bed to sleep. It was just something, it may have been the era but it just wasn’t done. You just didn’t sleep with your parents. We did “rough house” on weekend mornings but to sleep, it just wasn’t done then I guess or just not in our family or friends families.

    My own boys, the only time they ever slept with me was if Paul was out of town. Here again, it just didn’t occur to me. I guess neither of them ever had bad enough dreams or got scared. I remember Jason had terrible growing pains but I’d sit with him in his own bed and rub them till he fell asleep. I guess if they need to they need to but it never happened to me.

    I think it’s perfectly fine for kids to do this if they are afraid of something or have a bad dream or are scared for any reason. I would think something was up if they did it every night. I feel we all need our own beds and our own privacy and routine is good and our own bed is comforting. I do know quite a few people who’s kids fall asleep in their beds and it does become a bad habit. It’s cute to carry a 3 year old to their own bed but I know one person who had to carry her 11 year old to bed and it wasn’t so cute anymore. But sleeping and cuddling with you for a good reason is something entirely different.

    This whole “ghost” thing though, we have to get him to see that’s not the case or he will keep having these dreams. Where did it come from is what has me stumped.

    • nikki says:

      That is the big issue right now. Figuring out what is causing this. He did say he wants to watch that show, so we’ll see. I even have to put sea salt under his windows b/c he heard Emily’s mom say that kept them away! He internalizes everything! Takes things too serious, but that’s just him. I can’t and won’t try changing that…all we can do is help him understand.

    • SKL says:

      I had a friend whose daughter was still sleeping with her in high school (and NOT because the mom wanted it that way). I don’t know when it ever stopped. So while I have nothing against co-sleeping, there needs to be a plan for ending it (if necessary), unless you really don’t mind the idea of sleeping with your child after he’s taller than you.

      My kids have a thing about raccoons. They need to be reassured periodically that I would never allow a raccoon into the house. If they ever found out we once had raccoons living in our basement, I would probably never sleep again. At least with ghosts/monsters you can explain that they aren’t real.

  7. Laura says:

    Josh will come and crawl in bed with us in the mornings, but I have a clock in his room, and he’s not allowed to show up until 7:00 AM or later. Otherwise, it’s been 4:00 and he’s climbing in the bed… “Mommy! It’s MORNING!!” And in the process, has woken the dog and the bird, and now everyone wants food.

    We have been ridiculously lucky that there have been precious few nightmares. Because our rooms are on different floors, I still have a monitor in his room, so the few times he HAS had a nightmare, or been sick, I’ve known almost immediately, and gone down to his room. Once there, we cuddle in the rocking chair that’s there, until he’s comfy and safe and ready to go back to bed again. Usually, it isn’t long, once he remembers that our house has been specially treated with Monster Repellent, and they simply cannot get in.

    • nikki says:

      This is actually the first house we’ve had where his room isn’t right next to us, it’s clear across the house and upstairs. This could be a contributing factor.

  8. javajunkee says:

    didn’t read the other comments yet but will. Oldest daughter was in bed with me from about the age of 2 until she was like 6. She got really sick when she was about 2 and the doctor suggested she be in bed with me because I would need to bang on her back to clear her lungs every couple of hours…when she was over the sickness she thought that was where she slept. And then how that actually worked was that I would fall asleep in her bed with her.
    Same thing with her brother. So I was a bed mom with both of my kids and if I could turn back time I’d do it that way again. My 18 year old son slept out on the front room floor next to me until he was about 10.

    I would give anything to be back there again. My 21 year old will still haul her comforter and pillows out and crash by me once in awhile.

  9. javajunkee says:

    oh needed to add that I did crash in with my mom and dad but even growing up I slept on the couch which was put up against the wall of my mom and dads room (in the front room) and their door was right there so I was always close. I remember them getting their king sized bed and my dad (rip) always would tell the story when it was delivered I was informing the delivery men it was so that we weren’t so crowded at night. (which was so not true) ! :)
    I grew up semi normal sleeping that close to my parents and my kids are semi normal so I really don’t think there is an issue and each family has to decide for themselves and I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here. My husband was not happy with the arrangements with my son who would NOT sleep without me laying with him at night and just talking. But the thing was “I” fell asleep and everybody knew if and when I fall asleep it’s best to leave me that way. So the dear boy thought that was the normal sleeping arrangement. Also hubby NEVER got up and helped with restless kids so I needed sleep to and felt if that was the only way to sleep than so be it.

  10. joz1234 says:

    Mine both slept with me as babies, but after 3 months with Bert and 6 months with Ernie, it was time to go to their own beds.

    Bert had problems sleeping on his own from about 2 1/2 to 3 1/2. We put an air mattress next to our bed for months that he was able to come to and sleep on. He had to fall asleep in his own bed and if he woke up in the middle of the night he could come to the mattress. We didn’t let him sleep in our bed because it would bother my husband (who works way too much and deals with patients lives everyday). Hubby needed his rest.

    After we moved the boys into the same room, they have been fine. From time to time I will have to go in there, but they take great comfort knowing brother is there with them. I half expect Bert and Ernie to crawl into bed together sometime if Ernie is having nightmares…but that has yet to happen.

  11. Sue says:

    NEVER crawled into bed my parents and for whatever reason never wanted to. The thought just didn’t occur to me. Trinity use to crawl in every night when she was little. I would let her stay for awhile, but ALWAYS put her back in her bed. CHristopher does it too and I do the same thing. You can lay with me for a little bit but then it’s back to your own bed. Trinity has been laying on our floor for the past few nights b/c she “sees things” at night. I finally asked her, “If you’re so scared to sleep by yourself, how do you get out of your room past the ghost that’s standing in your doorway?” Her answer? “I cover myself with my blanket so it can’t see me!” Well alrighty then!

  12. javajunkee says:

    if it’s a ghost and she covers herself with a blanket..wont’ the ghosts who are just wearing sheets be jealous that she has a blanket and want to take it from her ? :)

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