I’ve been thinking of this subject for awhile now and have finally got up the nerve to write it. It’s about fitting in. Not just fitting in when you were in school, but more about fitting in with your family, both immediate and in-laws. I have been with my husband going on 12 years (4 years of dating, 5th year got married) and never really felt like I fit with his family. (In all fairness I don’t know how much he felt like he fit in my family either.) My husband and I have always been comfortable with each other, but I didn’t always feel comfortable with his family. They are a bit crazier than my family, but in a fun and open way that my family never was or ever will be!
When we first started dating in high school I didn’t think much of it because I was still naive and young and didn’t read people well. As one year turned into two years and then three years, I started getting this sense that I didn’t belong. That they didn’t like me. I had tried to change myself to make them like me and had even tried to change what I believed in to connect with them, but I still felt on the “outside”. Sunday was game day, and I always sat behind everyone else instead of with them because I felt like they thought I was intruding. It was like that click in high school that you so badly wanted to get in to but not matter how hard you tried they didn’t let you in. The more I tried to run from who I was the more unhappy I became, and I know that started to show in our relationship.
The turning point was my wedding day. At the end of the night when people started to trickle out (more like stumble!), my new brother in-law, Jason, came to say goodbye and hugged me. Not that little tap tap on your shoulder that strangers do, but an actual brother to sister hug. He told me congratulations, said that I was stuck with him (my husband) now, and he meant it. Everyone else that night gave me that same kind of hug. That, welcome to the family kind of hug. I realized that they liked me for me and not because I was this or that or whatever. Thank God because the other act was getting old! It has taken me a few years after that to feel 100% accepted, but I think I have been if not because they like me but because they know I am sticking around. Does everyone feel this way at some point? Does it affect you no matter your age?