The perfect family..written by Sue

Alright, I have had about enough!  I would like to know what everyone thinks constitutes a “perfect family”.  I ask because the other day at work it was brought up that no one in our department is currently expecting so everyone starting guessing who would be next.  They looked at me and I said I don’t think so! Oh, why not they all asked to which I reminded them what happened the last time.

The last time was in July of 2004 and I was pregnant with our second child.  Everything was going great until week 35 when everything went south.  Long story short, one day I was fine and the next I had severe preeclampsia, my liver was on the verge of rupturing, and right after delivery I was bleeding so much they actually talked about doing a hysterectomy.  My doctor asked if I was planning on any more children and I said “Hell, NO!”.  I just had a one month premature child that didn’t weigh 5lbs and was in the NICU for 11 days.  I don’t think I’ll be having more kids!  You know what everyone told me?  It’s ok because you have one girl and one boy and that’s just perfect.  You have the perfect family.  I wanted to smack them all and I still want to smack them all because even now people will tell me that one boy and one girl are just perfect.

I didn’t think that I had the “perfect family”, I thought that I had gotten lucky to have 2 healthy children.  To me, a perfect family is whatever you have. One child or twelve or none!  All boys or all girls or some of each.  It’s not about having an equal number of kids the same gender.  It’s about having children who you love and adore and and cherish for who they are as individuals.  We are not perfect, we are lucky and we should be thankful.

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11 Responses to The perfect family..written by Sue

  1. candi says:

    Really what is a perfect family?, Is there such a thing, not really, because no one is perfect, therefore no one can have a perfect family. There will be downfall in any family. All you can do it teach each other to love, care and respect each other.

  2. SKL says:

    Well, I think my family is the perfect family. We are exactly the way God made us and brought us together, therefore we are perfect.

    I love that each of my daughters has a sister almost the same age with a very similar background, yet their personalities are exact opposites and they are great friends. I love the fact that I am Mom the Supreme, and I never have to argue with another equally-situated adult over what is the right parenting choice. I love the fact that we have lots of very close friends and relatives to be there for us and help “mix things up” and keep us real.

    I think my parents’ family was the perfect family too. Three boys, three girls, and two parents who stayed married (and still are). Nothing was ever “prissy perfect” and that’s what I loved about our family – we had no choice but to be down-to-earth and to learn to consider others all the time. We girls got to see how disgusting boys could be before we were old enough to get infatuated by a classmate. My brothers got to see what girls are capable of before they were old enough to buy into the stereotypes of the day. Best of all, I had babies to care for before some of my friends outgrew dolls, and I have always considered that a gift from God.

    There is no such thing as an “ideal” family constitution. It is perfect if you see it that way.

  3. sengdroma says:

    I agree. Perfection does not exist – not in family life nor in any walk of life.

    Children are a privilage not a right and I feel blessed that I have the two I do. We would like a third but if we do not that does not make our family non perfect…

    We should all aim to be the best that we can however when we start aiming at perfection there can only be unhappiness. It cannot be achieved and you will always feel short of the mark.

    Just be happy, try your best, and be thankful for who we are and what we have.

    I think the word perfect should be outlawed.

  4. Lisa says:

    I agree ! ! There is no such thing as the perfect family, husband, wife, child, person and so on and so on. But when asked I will tell people I have the perfect Family. I have a wonderful husband and 4 wonderful daughters. For me personally my family is perfect, challanges and all !!!

  5. sengdroma says:

    It would be fair to say then that as in the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, then so must be “perfection”.

  6. nikki says:

    First of all I want to say I’m sorry to Sue if I ever said that to you. Don’t slap me please:). Never really thought about it. I think each family however it was put together, naturally or not, it is perfect in it’s own right. In my eyes my family is perfect but maybe not in yours. But that’s okay. Perfection really is in the eye of the beholder. Well said.

  7. Joy says:

    I feel I have the perfect family also. Isn’t it funny we all say that?? I wanted healthy. I really wanted boys and that’s what I got but I wanted and worried constantly that my babies would be healthy above all else. We didn’t have ultra sounds and all the new fangled equipment so yes, I did worry. But then, worry is my middle name!

    Yes Sue, don’t smack me either because I’m sure I said the same thing. “Oh, isn’t that nice, one of each.” But I sure never meant it like that. I’m not sure why we say that. Probably because we don’t know what else to say but “perfect,” I wouldn’t have meant it in the “perfect” way because I know nothing is ever perfect. Given that said, you and Toby and Jason and Nikki, have in my opinion “perfectness.” I hope I don’t sound like a prejudiced Grandma!!

  8. Jane says:

    I have one little boy now and am due with my second and last baby in July. We don’t want to know the sex. I would like to have a daughter but not to be perfect. I’d just like to have the experience of a son and a daughter as I think they are different. I don’t know if it’s someone else to be able to relate to later in life or what it is but I love seeing daughters with mothers and I find it heartwarming and I‘m also very close to my mother. I also had two brothers and a family full of boys so just to be able to have a girl I feel would be nice. Mind you, I’ll love another son if that’s what God gives me. I don’t look at anything as perfect.

    Those two kids are really cute by the way.

  9. spillay says:

    Hi Sue. I agree with you – the perfect family is whatever you have!! 🙂

  10. TiredMom says:

    i’m always told i have the perfect family. 2 boys and 2 girls.. so i guess when i had 2 girls and a boy i didnt have a perfect family.. I do not believe there is a perfect family.. Just whatever makes you happy is perfect enough

  11. Jennifer says:

    I have one of each…which I never expected to have…it always seemed a little too….I don’t know Barbie & Ken like I guess to have what so many consider the ‘perfect’ family…

    And yet…I don’t feel complete…I think I want more children…but hmmm…..that would make us ‘imperfect’


    Sue, you should post this over on Parents2Parents. It’s a great post!


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