16, dating and sleeping together…..??

Camping season is finally here.  Boy, are we excited.  But how things have changed in a year.  My daughter is now bringing her boyfriend along to come with us this coming weekend.  Which is fine, we trust them both.  They have been dating now for almost a year.  I know for sure that things have not gone to the next stage-THANKFULLY!!!  But she wants to be able to sleep in the same bed with him in the camper.  I do trust them and know nothing will happen being there are going to 7 of us sleeping in there.

It’s just the thought of it that is driving me crazy!!

What do I do?  I trust them 100% but they are both only 16.


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15 Responses to 16, dating and sleeping together…..??

  1. Joy says:

    While I agree with you that nothing is probably going to happen “in the camper.” If they are going to sleep together, in the “other” sense, I’m sure they have many other opportunity’s.

    What concerns me is what kind of message does this send to Ashley and Courtney? Emily is to young but I don’t think it’s a good thing for your younger daughters to see. They will think it’s okay and I feel they are to young. Sam should understand this. She is their role model and they look up to her.

  2. Jane says:

    This is a tough one. I can’t imagine having these kinds of problems with only one child who is only 3.

    Gosh, times have changed. If this would have been me, I wouldn’t even have had the nerve to aks my parents. My dad would be “getting out the gun!”

    I would say no I think. It’s not that I’m a prude or anything. Something about this just doesn’t sit right with me. I think it might be I respect my parents and wouldn’t want to sleep with my boyfriend and them all in the same room.

    Also, you have younger children who will see this and I think that’s a bad message. They will maybe want to do it younger since they saw the older sister getting to do it.

  3. Sue says:

    I agree with the two above that it’s just not a good idea when younger girls are going to see it. I went on a vacation with my husband and his parents the summer after we graduated, and we slept in the same bed and sleep wasn’t the only thing we did! Sorry Mum…but you had to have known!!! I don’t think a 16 year old should be sleeping with her boyfriend on a camping trip. Different sleeping bags next to each other might be better!

  4. SKL says:

    I personally think that sleeping in the same bed with one’s boyfriend can change things with respect to the commitment to wait. Physical closeness has an effect on people that can’t be ignored.

    True, they are not about to do anything with you right there, but are they going to be more likely to look for an opportunity to do it out of your sight? Personally I think that’s playing with fire. Your daughter may not believe this because she may have never reached that point before, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less of a danger.

    I also agree that you are sending a message to the younger kids. And I appreciate the comment about respect for parents, too.

    So in short, I’d say no.

  5. Lisa says:

    Thanks for the comments. Don’t be sorry for your opinion. I feel the same thing, If i would have had the nerve to ask my dad back when, he would have definetly gotten the gun. I think that going with 2 seperate sleeping bags on the floor will be the way to go.

  6. keekers says:

    I agree with the comments above. They will do what they want when you’re not around, but you don’t have to condone it.

    This is NOT about trust. You can trust them, but that doesn’t mean that you create a comfortable environment for temptation.
    And believe me, I understand your dilemma…but ask yourself…
    “Do I want a 16 year old boy in bed with my daughter?” And you can’t define THIS particular boy, or the integrity of your daughter…you can only ask the simple question. “Do I…?”

    Of course you don’t, and that’s why your struggling.

    Say, “NO. Not in my tent, not in my camper, not in my house, and not in my mind.”

    And when you get camp set up…
    …your husband should get a shovel…
    ….and quietly start digging a hole…
    just so “the boy” is very…very…clear.

    : )

  7. Ali says:

    My parents were both very bohemian so this wouldn’t have mattered to them. But being able to do something in front of your parents kind of makes you NOT want to. I did have sex with a boyfriend when I was 16 and even though my parents wouldn’t have been mad and were very open with me, I never told them. I guess I wanted to act grown up and keep a secret on my own.

    Now that I am a mother, I’m not like my parents. I’m way stricter. The younger kids is what’s sticking in my head because I’m sure they look up to her. Someone else said that I know but that’s how I feel also.

  8. Joy says:

    Keekers, thats hilarious…I was thinking something along the same lines of digging a BIG hole!!!!!!

  9. jderickson says:

    seriously.. Were talking about camping In the same r.v. Separate tent’s or hotel room’s is different. Same thing as what we see on t.v. either they can feel comfortable sleeping together (no sex) They might wait, Might. Or they already have who knows I was sixteen Mom didn’t know everything. (no you don’t mom ..sorry) either they can take their time and get comfortable with each other rush into something she doesn’t want because we all know he doe’s. If he says he doesn’t he’s a liar. As far as other young ones seeing it so what. All they probably see is the respect you have given your sixteen year old for being honest with you guy’s. I go by the bend but don’t break policy, I give until you prove me wrong. You don’t have to be their best friend but a friend none the less.

  10. spillay says:

    Be proud of yourself that you are even having this dilemma – it shows that you are aware that any decisons you make(whatever it may be) will have an impact on the future relationship between you and your daughter. Whatever you decide – trust that it is the right decision and stick to it.

  11. candi says:

    I agree, the are most likely to not do anything in the camper, however they are 16, and sex can happen anywhere, and if they feel comfortable with each other, it will happen, and if they dont then it will not happen. Not all moms know what is going on at 16.They need to be educated on safe sex o be assure that if something is going on to accept it and protect them. I would not be worried about the camper, yes a hotel room, i would be.

  12. Lisa says:

    I will definetly bring the shovel along !! A big one !!! I told them that we are having a family meeting on thursday night before we go. So we will discuss the sleeping arrangements and camper rules that day. My husband decided that one will sleep on the couch and one on the fold out table and hope they stay there all night. I’m sure they will listen, because as he said if they don’t – the boyfriend won’t be able to come back for awhile.
    Thanks for all the advice I sure feel better.

  13. Jen says:

    Hmmmm….Ok…the teenager in me says yes….the parent in me says no….let the boyfriend come along for the trip, but make them sleep separately. The message that you are sending is that you approve of the boyfriend and your daughter enough to let him join your family for the trip but that it’s going to be on YOUR terms not HERS. Keep in mind that YOU are the parent. Otherwise you’re letting your daughter set up the rules. Could they still sneak off somewhere together? Sure they could and teenagers have been doing that since the dawn of time…but the ‘sneaking’ part is normal, typical, and when she’s 40 she’ll look back upon she’ll remember and shake her head and hopefully laugh about.

    And yes, I’m ashamed to say that I know this from first hand experience. It is still possible to ‘do things’ as commenters keep saying when you’re in the same bed and in a confined space with your family. Trust me on this one. It certainly wasn’t MY parents that allowed this…but my boyfriend’s parents did….you can be pretty darn subtle in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep.

    That’s why *I* would have to definitely say no. There’s no fooling me on this one!

  14. Mike says:

    Well i think that nothing can happen between them. younger children may be present but how is it different than mom and dad sleeping together? at 16 if they want sex they will get it in a different time, not in front of 7 people. if its still a concern just say sleep next to each other in different sleeping bags. also dont get paranoid about sex in their relationship because if they do it carefully they can become very healthy from having the sex as it is not only exercise but also a great way of cleaning out the cardiovascular system and just a great mood lifter. just make sure she is careful with sex and you should be 100% fine. i lost my virginity at 15 and do not regret it after these years one bit and never got her pregnant. my parents figured that if we were going to have sex it wouldn’t be in the tent that was right beside their tent and would be more in the bedroom or the house when alone. you parents need to loosen up a bit and let them grow up, i’m not pointing out one person i’m pointing out most of you.

    Let them sleep together.

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