Seperate Email address’s

Do you share an email address with your significant other?  When I first got the Internet my girlfriend asked me for my address.  When I told her Paul and I were just using the same one, she seemed disappointed.  I told her he wouldn’t ever use it anyway so what difference would it make?  I had no secrets to keep so I didn’t feel like I needed my own.

What I failed to realize was when she wanted to write to me, she didn’t necessarily want my husband reading what she wrote.  She told me she wanted to write to “me.”  She asked me if he would open mail delivered to my house that was addressed to me and I said of course not.  She then said, “right, so why don’t you just get your own email?”  It would be the same thing.

Once she put it like that, I did agree that mail written to me, was personal.  It wasn’t that I had anything to keep from my husband but I was not giving my friends or family a way to write to me that was private just for me.  If my friend is ticked at her husband and needs to vent to me, she doesn’t need or want my husband reading it.  If she’s having a problem, she doesn’t need the whole world or all her friends husbands knowing and reading about it.  I guess the same goes to anyone that just needs to vent, they want to do it to the person they are writing to and not that persons spouse also.

I do know a few people who are always “watched” by their spouse and have had to “sneak” a separate email that their spouse doesn’t even know about just because it caused problems.  Personally, I find that’s a problem in itself.  But, that’s just my opinion.  So, I do have my own email address but it’s not private by any means.  My husband I guess just doesn’t care about my little personal drama’s and if someone writes to us both, I print it out for him.  We use my email address for everything, he just doesn’t write to anyone so it’s easier for me to keep track of things.  I’ll go one step further and bet he doesn’t even know what his email address is or how to get to or check mine.

 So I’m wondering if everyone has their own email address and why.

This entry was posted in choices, feelings, friends, husbands, people, privacy, relationships, spouse, thoughts, wives and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Seperate Email address’s

  1. TiredMom says:

    I have my own email address.. My husband doesn’t have one at all. Anything he needs to have emailed to him comes to my address becuase of past issues.. Trust is very limited here.. In the past he had his own..

  2. nikki says:

    I’ll agree with you, he probably doesn’t know his email address or how to get into it! lol Jason and I have separate emails, I never really even thought about it. But we know each others passwords so it’s not a secret one bit. I can say, the one thing that has helped our relationship is that we both know we can be 110% honest with one another. If there was something I didn’t want him to read and said it was private out of consideration for the person who wrote it he would believe me.

  3. My situation is similar to nikki’s. My husband and I have separate emails, but we know each other’s passwords, just as a matter of trust and openness. I think just knowing we have access makes it so we don’t need to use it.

    But having the same email account? My mom and dad have one together, and it seems a bit awkward. I would sometimes like to write to my mother without knowing that my father is hearing every word, but if that’s how they like it, I’ll deal with it.

    I can see people who have trust issues based on past events needing to keep each other in view, or maybe just being shy about being “online” makes it seem safer to have two people emailing together. Whatever works!

  4. rcy113 says:

    Lindy and I have separate email addresses. We know each other’s passwords if we need to access the other’s stuff for some reason but normally that doesn’t happen. Quite frankly, I could care less to see the “crap” that his friends send him and vice versa. I like having something that is mine and knowing that whoever wants, can write and say what they wish to me. After all, they can’t call my house and have that privilege between my husband and kids interrupting the call a million times… Email and IMing is my only sanity!!

  5. K. Trainor says:

    Hmmm. I never thought about the privacy issue from the standpoint of our friends and family. My dh rarely touches the computer. I have 4 emails for 4 different purposes and all are open for him to use as needed. He cares so little about being online that all email goes through me by default.

    Good post! 🙂

  6. Mary says:

    As a family, we started with a shared email address for the five of us. Hubby wasn’t into using computers at that point and we didn’t have internet at home. Then we got internet at home and I got my own email account because my brother invited me to gmail and I figured I could use it for professional (writing) stuff instead of running that through our shared account. Then I got an email address specifically for my blog. Then Hubby started going online for college and whatnot. He got an email address through his school and I urged him to get a gmail account for personal stuff. We keep our shared account for purchasing things, rather than buying stuff with our personal accounts. This cuts down on the potential for spam. All of our children have their own email accounts, too. We frequently share emails with each other and the trust thing isn’t an issue for us.

  7. spillay says:

    Hubby and I have seperate email addresses….. In fact, we even have separate laptops at home that we use! I don’t see any of his personal emails (which aren’t that many I’m guessing as he spends a lot of time at work and has another email address there to use….) and he doesn’t see any of mine. Although I have nothing to hide and I’m sure neither has he,… it is just more comfortable this way.

    Also, there are a few friends of our that share email addresses with their ‘other half’. I often find it difficult replying to emails sent from them for this reason as I would have to tailor the message for both. It also annoys me when they sign off as “blah & blah”. Half the time, I can’t even figure out who wrote to me in the first place!

  8. Sue says:

    I have an address and my husband used to, but he hasn’t checked it in years so I’m sure it doesn’t work! Having one together never really crossed my mind, but I like the idea that what I write or receive is just for me or the person I’m writing to. I can always tell him to read the e-mail or share it with him if it’s for the both of us.

  9. Jennifer says:

    Like a previous commenter said, we not only have separate email addresses but we also have separate laptops as well. I really never see any of his mail, nor him mine.

    We do have one joint account that we use for online purchasing, banking etc, so that either one of us can login to any site and have access to the financial end of things.

    I get really upset when my friends tell me that their husbands read their email without their permission, and I get REALLY annoyed when my girlfriends get upset about something they read in their husband’s personal email. I figure it’s personal email, it would be no different than opening someone else’s mail, which is an actual legal offense, or any different than listening to someone’s private phone call. Everyone deserves privacy.

  10. Jane says:

    We have a joint one that hardly ever gets checked. He doesn’t have one. He could care less and never goes online. I have a private one for my friends. Most of my family only sends those dumb forwards so those go to our joint mail. When I need to talk to my friends, we do it so it’s just “us” that see them. I would hate if someone’s husband read something personal that I wrote to only her.

    This is a good post and something I never really gave much thought. That’s why I like the way you guys write on this blog. You make us think of things that go unnoticed sometimes.

  11. Ali says:

    My hubby is on the computer all day at work and has a work email. I take care of all our emailing at home and he has no idea what it is. I have it written down for him in case he wants to order something. Trust isn’t an issue for us but oh boy, I know many who it is. I have a girlfriend who has to have an email that her husband has no idea about and she’s not doing anything wrong. He’s just so controlling that he thinks she is “up to something.” If she didn’t have her own, nobody would email her because he reads all her stuff unless she has a chance to read it first and delete it and then tells people about things she gets written. He’s a real pain in the (insert word of choice here)?

  12. amberfireinus says:

    I do have my own email addresses. It would never occur to my husband or myself to share. We are individuals. We respect each other’s space. We don’t even use the same computers. Although we do have access and occassionally jump on each other’s systems and all files are shared.

    I wouldn’t want my husband going through all of my personal blah blah with my friends. Not that it is a secret, it simply would be of no interest to him. Kinda like having a private girl conversation in front of him. Would be both embarrassing and uncomfortable for everyone.

    I would not want to have to read all of his geek RSS feeds either…….. fair trade!

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