Question of the day

Do you think men and women can be just friends?

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16 Responses to Question of the day

  1. lwayswright says:

    I guess that sort of depends on where you are in your life. If you are a single person, yes I think men and women can be friends. The tricky part comes when you are in a relationship. From my own experience I learned the women don’t really welcome “the new relationship” into the friendship very readily. My husband had a friend, a woman he was friends with for several years before he and i were together and before she and her husband got married. When we started dating she would call…often…and at first I didn’t think much of it. As our relationship grew and became more serious her calls came more frequently as did emails, IM’s etc. The red flag that got me was the fact that she never wanted to meet me. And, she was married and her husband was not a big fan of my husband. When we got married I suggested that the four of us get together, to meet and we could be “friends” as “married couples”. She had no interest in that either.
    This is not the first time this type of thing has happened when I have been in a relationship. I guess my belief is that if you are married or in a serious relationship having friends of the opposite sex that you go and do things with without your significant other is just a recipe for disaster. So, in that regard, no I don’t think men and women can be just friends.
    Just my humble opinion.

  2. SKL says:

    I would like to think so. I have some good male friends, but we don’t hang out that much. Just get together like once a year, and exchange occasional emails and phone calls. As a single woman, I think the tendency is to keep wondering if the guy is a “prospect” if you really get along with him. Then sooner or later, someone gets a “vibe” and the platonic thing is over.

  3. solitude says:

    I don’t think there is any correct answer to this question. its all about how you are and how the other person is. I have a male friend, whom I was very comfortable with, i thought he was my best friend until i got to know he had feelings for me. he neve told me anything or showed any gestures, but just knowing that about him ruined everything. I am still friends with him but his thought keeps ticking “does he stil like me?”. One more thing a friend approaching me, really freaks me out. I can’t take that. For me friends are friends from the begining, nothing more and ‘prospects’ are so from the begining. Maybe i don’t believe in love growing eventually, I believe there is something from the moment you meet. I think when i meet a guy if I feel a spark then I know its not going to be just friendship but if i don’t feel anything then it will always be only friendship.

  4. nikki says:

    For Jason and I we both have to trust the person. Jason has a friend, Michelle, who at first I didn’t know her and yes it bothered me. Then I met her and her family and I love her and I don’t mind now if they go to lunch or whatever. I trust him 110% and now I trust her. I think you have to know the person and trust that person. I have more guy friends than I do girls, I’ve always been like that and Jason knows this. I’ve hung out with them with and without Jason and I know he trusts them with me. It’s hard to find GOOD girlfriends, that aren’t caddy or bitchy. Guys don’t care about that stuff and even if I tried something on of them they wouldn’t know what to do!! I’ve never had an issue.

  5. Rambler says:

    Definitely yes…

  6. Joy says:

    I’m not really sure. In the perfect world I’d like to think so but I’m really not sure. It’s never worked out that way for me. I had a really good friendship once with a male and he got feelings for me and it just ruined everything. How can you be “friends” when one falls for the other? I really missed his friendship because it was lost.

    I also feel if you are in a relationship with someone and you have a friend of the opposite sex, your significant other will at one point or the other “wonder” about things and that can cause problems too unless that friend is a friend to you both. If my husband had a girlfriend and/or went to dinner and went out with another woman, at this point in my life I don’t think it would bother me but it would have when I was younger and more insecure.

  7. nikki says:

    Yea I also think that doing lunch or coffee is different than going out to dinner. I definitely think you both have to be friends with the person. There’s a fine line.

  8. amberfireinus says:

    Yes, I have several male friends. Gosh, I cant believe it when people would think otherwise. Sometimes friends of the opposite sex can be such a great source of helpful insights, or just fun.

  9. Tosha says:

    It depends on the people..

  10. Jennifer says:

    Yes, absolutely! Both my husband and I have lots of friends of the opposite gender. The key is to be 100% open about it of course. In the situation that L.G. mentioned above, I too would be distrustful. My husband and I both have male and female friends, some are coworkers, some are friends that we’ve met mutually, and some are friends that we’ve known before meeting each other. In each case however, we’ve all had a chance to meet, but we don’t necessarily hang out. I have no problem with him emailing or having one of these people on his IM list, they’re his friends. I don’t even mind if he goes to a party where they’re at. I WOULD have a problem if his relationship with the person was taking time from his family on a regular basis. In most cases our friends all have families of their own and this has never become a problem.

    I agree with amberfireinus…friends of the opposite gender provide great insights. My best friend of many years is male. I enjoy having male friends. It avoids a lot of the cattiness that comes with my female friends. People tend to picture men and women hanging out all dressed in their best looking sexy for one another. When I hang out with my male friends it’s such a relief!!!! Women dress for other WOMEN…not men…I wear sweats and tshirts around my male friends and talk trash. It’s refreshing not to worry about whether they’re checking out what I have on and whether they’ll talk about me when I leave the room.

  11. Jason says:

    As a man (and the only one who comments) you can’t have female friends. guys want one thing. I don’t care what they say, or who you are, guy’s want ONE thing. Let them tell you all the story’s they want, they want ONE thing. As long as he has Excalibur or a toothpick in his pants he wants ONE thing. And it will always be in his head. The only exception is if your both friends with the person. Nicoles male friends are all mine to. And if they weren’t I wouldn’t trust them. There are only one or two people I don’t trust at all and have issues with. I know My friends would never try anything but other men can’t be trusted, they only want ONE thing.

  12. Jennifer says:

    Of course let’s not all forget that gender does not imply sexual preference…

    I’m not saying all of my male friends are gay. But a couple are.

    One of them I HAVE been intimate with in the past prior to marriage. It’s not been a problem. It pretty much solved the mystery for us, as friends we were curious, we quickly realized we were WAY better friends than lovers. We both went and found ourselves actual romantic partners that met our needs, got married and had families.

    You’re 100% right Jason. The key is being open with your spouse. When you all know each other really well it makes it much more difficult to cheat. We all know that it still happens sometimes in some social circles, but typically if it’s happening it also means that there’s some other problems going on in the marriage too. Couples that have mutual friends that hang out together and talk together I think are lot less likely to have this occur.

  13. jason says:

    I have to agree with you jen, I am 100% right, #……… my new happyface and laughter marker will be the # symbol.

  14. Christine says:

    I think in some cases they can be just friends. Often one of them wishes for something more. Some people have the “friends with benefits” thing going on and I don’t think that can ever work out with out someone getting hurt. I don’t know for sure because I’ve never been in that situation. I’ll I know is I wish I had more guy friends.

  15. Jane says:

    I have a lot of male friends but they are also friends with my husband as most of us went to school together. Hanky panky among is not even considered. Eewww….We’re almost like siblings with our friends.

  16. Liza says:

    I think if you’ve grown up with someone or have been friends for a long time it can maybe work but I’ve rarely seen it work. Either your mate or theirs will have a problem with it. Someone else’s feelings will end up creating havoc and the friendship will suffer.

    It would bother me unless it was a very old friend, someone my husband has known forever. I feel it would also depend on “how” they were friends. Like leaving me sit home to go out for a few drinks. Sorry, I wouldn’t like that. I wouldn’t necessarily think of sex either but it would be the fact that he’s out with someone else itting home alone. I just wouldn’t like it and neither would he.

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