Just when I thought it was over, I heard the news I’d been dying to hear but never thought I would. It’s no secret Nicole and I had problems in the past. I think we both reached a point in our life where it felt the only thing we had in common was the past. Our relationship was tested to the max from day one. Both of us so young 17/21 and living on our own, moving cross country to try new things, moving back (couldn’t live without mom..ahh) and then a baby boy on the way. Wow!! grow up over night, we tried.
It was never horrible but the arguments would just get so hurtful and so frequent. We always got over it “we thought”. Then came the summer I will never forget. We had extra money saved for the house remodel and found out it wasn’t worth it so we decided to live the high life for once, we earned it. We spent a lot of money at the bar, a lot. It makes us sick knowing how much money we wasted. Well our arguments just got worse and we distanced ourselves. We got to the point of pretty much living single. I went out, she went out, we went out. All with the same group of so called friends so jealousy wasn’t a huge issue but still an issue.
We both made mistakes we regret but also know made us stronger today. I’m not blaming alcohol but we both abused it the last two summers. I quit drinking over the winter and Nicole finally told me tonight she is done. As you read in her post there is a time and a place for her to drink and nothing makes me happier then to hear those words. I love this women with all my heart and can’t stand the thought of life without her. The way she laughs,smiles and cries without meaning too. I think about her all the time.
Dearest Jason and Nikki,
I feel a bit funny adressing this to both of you. Neither of you know me. But maybe a stranger’s perspective will be helpful.
You know marriage isn’t always easy. There are many tough roads. There are times where you feel that you have taken different paths and there seems as there is no bridge to reach the other.
But understand that this is life. Reality. There are no greener fields out there for either of you. You simply swop one set of problems for another. Sure, everything may be wonderful at first with another person… but then what? Complacency settles in and you are back to square one.
I would so suggest that you both seek counseling to give you both the tools to either make this work, or to give you both some grief counseling to let this go in as healthy way as you can.
Remember you have children. You owe it to them to do everything you can to make this work. Jason, you obviously still love her. Time to step up to the plate. Time to take responsibility and actually LISTEN. Nikki, you too need to stop and think. Is this really what you want for yourself? A broken home?
I hope you both work it out. You have such a lovely family. From a stranger looking in. I wish you good luck and peace.
Jason, I have only known you too for 2 years, and thnigs are doing alot better between you and her, it was rocky for a bit, but nicole seems happier now. I love her and you a ton, and I hope that we can spend time together more all of us, above and beyond softball. Love ya both me.
Amber- thank you for what you said. I think a lot of what happened was I was never able to live the single party lifestyle in my 20’s. I had Bailey at 19. Now I wouldn’t change that for anything. He’ll be 8 tomorrow (Oh god here come the tears) and he saved Jason and I. He is the glue to this family. I was just going through something I think a lot of young mothers eventually go through to an extent. He stayed by my side when most should have walked away. The problem lied in the alcohol. It made me a different person. We’ve contemplated counseling but really all I had to do was not drink!! And since then we’ve never been so happy. We just had the best weekend I think we have ever had. He had his 4th of July tournament and while everyone else stayed or went out and got wasted, we went home and watched a movie. Saturday we went out on the pontoon with the family and that was the most relaxing fun I’ve had in a long time. I was nervous about this post because it is personl but I trust most everyone in here not to judge me…we all make mistakes it’s just that you have to learn from them!! Some people don’t, I’m just glad I did. I know what I have and how much I have to lose and I’m a different person now.
That kinda made me sound like an alcoholic and I’m not. I don’t need it, I never needed it. But if I was around a certain environment and certain people I’d drink. And only on the weekends. Always intending to have a few but just kept drinking. That was the problem and I’ve realized that there are certain places and people I can’t drink around. It’s not worth it to me. My family is way more important than some beer bust!!!
Oh one more and I’ll stop for a while. Jason has also changed A LOT!! He was not always the easiest person to get along with but he is so different now. He is the man I always wanted. Love you sexybutt!!!
Nicole is happier because she doesn’t let people tell her what to do anymore. mostly people at softball. thats all the people we hang out with. great partiers, great people . but alcohol doesn’t mix well. Nicole’s only drinking problem is just having a couple. She never drank during the week, just at softball games, on the weekend. But where were her friends when we she needed them? Calling her into the bar. Nice friends huh. Never being able to leave a party without getting shit from everybody. When sometimes you just want to go home. We both took turns hurting each other, different ways but still hurt. Thats gone, Nicole is right I had the best weekend I can remember. We called it sober fun. It’s much better looking at a failed relationship then to be in one. I hate to see it, but you’d think they would learn from our mistakes
Jason what does that mean,, were we here friends when you needed them, I have been there for her from the time I meet her, we had/have some good times. I love her to death, and I never told her what to do, so i hope this is not toward me. Yes we have drinking times, but we dont need them to have fun. I love you both, and it sucks that alot of this is direct to me and jared, i think. That sucks, i am with still standing by herside, i dont care if she doesnt drink, cool. We can go shopping, beach etc… We can sit out at the games and chill, drink a tea.. We all four can hang out go to the lake. I am glad that you guys had fun this weekend. The nice friends thing makes me seem like I was a piece of crap and never was there for her, because we partied with each other. Love ya both. see ya this weekend at the games.
Ps. Love the picture, you guys are looking VERY young!!!lol. Cuz u were.
we made several attempts to come hang out with you and Jared just the four of us. every time we come out your sister and friends are there. Once in awhile whatever, but I haven’t seen your house without your sister in it, either house. Is it to much to ask for a night with the four of us? it seems like it. Jared knows what drinking brought us. He doesn’t give me shit for leaving or not drinking. Jared and Cris are the only two I know realize what nicole and I needed. You guys are always more then welcome to come over here anytime. But I will not come out there anymore because its never JUST you and jared. Nicole can make up her own mind so to make back sided comments on this blog or any other or at the softball field by you and others is old. I don’t or will look down on you, your nicoles friend lets leave it at that.. this isn’t the place.
typo- I will NOT look down on you.
Listen – I hope I didn’t seem like I was judging. I know that alot of people feel that they missed out on something. Even oldies like me have the occasional twang of party girl regret (I was too busy working in my young years).
I guess the best thing is learning this stuff together. Having the understanding to know when its time to quit is the best thing you can do.
Having friends and family who understand your struggle and support you through it makes all of the difference. This is about building each other up, being there through the good times and the bad times.
This isn’t about blame folks. This is about a couple trying to make better choices and to live a happier life together for themselves and their child.
Nikki and Jason – its wonderful that you are making this choice before the choices are made for you. Before you make mistakes you both regret later.
Jason.. I really felt your love for Nikki in this post. Nikki, I really felt your pain. *hugs to you both*
All I can say is I had a fabulous weekend. I have been in situations like this and know people like this. You both know who they are and where they live. It IS their life. Drinking and partying is WHAT they are about. It’s all they care about. All their marriages and relationships are in the crapper too. You have to decide what’s what’s more important to you and to my relief, it sounds like you have. I had a great time at the game and a great time on the boat.
All I can say is if you have “friends” who want to bring you down to their level, they aren’t friends. A friend is someone who would give you life, not take what really matters to you away. Peer pressure isn’t for adults. That kind of thing is for high school. You are living REAL life now, not playing around. Bailey will be “what he see’s you being” and the way you are choosing to live now, it will be the way he’ll grow up and be.
I know what you were going through a year ago and it wasn’t pretty. It’s hard to see your son so unhappy and now, you both shine.
thanx Amber. I just witnessed the same thing with a really good friend. the friend who introduced me to the rest of my life(nicole). So nicole and I both hate seeing friends throw possible love away. You have made the perfect comment to this post. We were on the verge of self destruction. But we both realized what we were doing. Thank god, I didn’t want to have to eat the cake for my fiftieth wedding anniversary alone………
Jay and Nicole, you guys will get through this, nicole you are a very strong woman, and jason you are a great guy. This are looking better for u and I am proud for u both. I love you guys a ton. Love ya both
It sounds like you have made some positive steps. Congratulations!
You both seem happier and that’s great. It was nice to spend the day together because we wanted to not because we had to. When you were having problems we hardly saw you and when you did come out by the end of the night someone was mad. It was too much drama!
It’s a lot easier for people on the outside to see the big picture and tell you how to “fix it”, but until the light bulb comes on for the people in the relationship it doesn’t matter what anyone tells you. (Whether you asked for help or not) Both of you were able to look at yourselves and each other, say this is what I/we want and need, and you made a conscious decision to work on things. I think you both did more growing up in a matter of months than in the manys years you’ve been together, and it’s done wonders for you. Marriage is always a work in progress. You just have to decide if it’s worth it.
There’s no such thing as a short comment on a story like this!
Thanks Sue. You helped me out with you words of wisdom. Joy I’ll never forget our phone conversation, you know the one I’m talking about. That reassured me so thank you:) I needed reassurance then. It has been hard work for many years but now it’s different. We don’t have to work at it, it comes so natural now. We don’t fight, we don’t argue, we laugh more and have fun.He is my best friend and he loves me more than anyone on this earth loves me. So it took 10 years to get there, but I’m looking forward to next 50 years of living happily ever after.
This could be the story of a lot of people I know. They also hang out in the local bar. All that happens there is hard feelings for everyone. One man talks to one woman and before you know it, rumors start and it’s nothing but trouble. Even if nothing transpired between anyone because that’s the talk that goes around. The worst people are the ones who try and talk you into things. “Oh, just come for one.” Well, thank you very much but if I wanted to, I would. But don’t try and talk me into it. People say “I haven’t seen you in so long.” Well, that’s because your sitting in the bar all the time and I’m not. I can’t stand stuff like that.
I’m very fortunate that neither my husband or I drink much. If we do party, it’s at our home or one of our friends or we get together to play games or cards or swim in the gravel pits. You have to pick who you hang out with very carefully and make sure the end goal is the same. Because I’ve seen “friends” drag you down. Don’t think it doesn’t happen because it does. There is also guilt by association.
I’m glad to hear you guys have it figured out. You sure sound happy in your posts so way to go you two. You have all my best wishes.
Jane where ya from? I just read gravel pit!!! A.
I’ve swam and Caught many of frogs in those
I’m so glad you two have figured this out before it was to late. You have to be sure who your friends are and make sure they really are your friends. Some people love to sabotage other people for sport. Bars and drinking friends never end up being there for you when you really need them because they are to busy hanging out in the bars and are usually drunk. I learned the hard way not to trust people who I only associate with alcohol.
Hey Ali looks like you’re catching up!! Good to have ya back!!
Jason, I would prefer not to give my town but in the winter, I can see Canada. Not houses or anything but land. I live equally between Winnipeg and Thief River Falls. I’m not that far from Grand Forks but there’s more to offer in Wpg. It’s a city where as the others are big “small” towns. We have a lot of working gravel pits and without them, we might not be able to afford to farm.