What do you recommend to overcome self pity?
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Us Girls..Our Views 
I’m a big believer of what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, pain is temporary pride is forever, tears are weakness leaving your body. Anyway I do feel I get kicked when I’m down. I feel sorry for myself all time, but then then I look at what I have. Lovely wife and handsome son with tremendous hearts. Does the little stuff still bug me. Fucking right it does. but I don’t let it go unsaid anymore. Example.. I asked my nephew yesterday to quit kicking a pale of water across the deck. It sounded annoying, water was getting all over and he was kicking it towards me. It took me asking three times and then throwing the pale off the deck and getting mad. Then he kept laughing and shooting me with his play guns. Cute but not when he’s in trouble. I told him he needs to listen but he wouldn’t quit mocking me so he got smacked on the but. I would expect Toby or Sue to do the same if Bailey ever acted like that at their house or grandma’s. Five minutes later everything was fine he showed me how to swing a baseball bat (thank god, He must of been paying attention at my game the other night). Anyway let your feelings out. People will be hurt at first but a friend or family member will or should respect your privacy or feelings. Don’t sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
SKL and Joy Aren’t you proud of that long comment!!!!!!!!!!
Yes Jason, very proud!!
The easiest way I’ve found to overcome self-pity is to serve someone else. A great way to chase away the blues!
That is a great suggestion kween. Thank you.
I agree with kween, but would also add the suggestion to try getting someone else out of a state of self pity. You start to see pretty quickly how ineffective self pity is. A little self pity is okay, but only if you’re willing to move into a state of productivity about whatever’s bugging you.
That’s what I’m looking for Mary. My mom is going through this now and I’m at my wits end since “I’m such a terrible daughter” kind of thing.
maybe you are a terrible daughter. she wants to argue and you don’t. I’m glad that makes you terrible, to her.. Your the best mom I’ve ever had..ever….Bailey loves you more than reeses pieces and Nicole thinks your ok… I’m so glad the apples fell far from the tree (you and darryl). I mean roll across the field down the ditch across the road and into the other field. I could not handle two Fanas…..
Thank you Jason. That means a lot to me. What do you mean Nikki thinks I’m “okay??” I know she didn’t say that!! 🙂
Jason, very impressive.
My response will be a bit shorter.
I just remind myself to think of the good things:
Love in my life;
An important role in life;
The ability to make a difference in someone else’s life.
Reading any “holy book” for a while is uplifting.
Hugging a child is magical.
And when all else fails, go sit alone outside and listen to the wind in the trees, or observe some other wonder of nature. You’d be surprised at how many life problems I’ve solved by really noticing the intelligence behind the “natural order of things.”
Thanks SKL. Those are all great things.
If you can realize that you’re in a “funk” of self pity then I think you can realize that you need to get off your butt and do something about it. Take a walk/run/any type of physical exercise to lift your mood. Call a friend to see what’s happening in THEIR life. Help someone else b/c it usually helps you too.
I would never say that JOY!! You’re the best!!! There’s nothing we can do about Fana. She’s been this way for as long as I’ve known her and that’s going on 11 years!! Don’t let her get to you, that’s exactly what she wants. Be the bigger person. You know you are a warm, compassionate person. Like Jason says kill her with kindness. I wuv you:)
I have an aunt like this and nothing makes her happy. If you take her an apple pie, she wanted a pumpkin pie. It never fails. We kind of joke about it but her kids do go through a lot. She lay’s the guilt on really thick and I don’t know why. She’s loved and paid a lot of attention to. There doesn’t seem to be a reason. She’s my dad’s sister and he’s the biggest teddy bear we all know. I guess I’m tending to agree with Jason and Nikki and I’d treat her with kindness. What more can you do other than opt her out of your life but knowing you Joy, I don’t see that happening because I think you’d feel to bad.
My granny was miserable to the day she died. She had it in her head that people were intending to hurt her, and held them to an unspoken standard that nobody ever met. My mom was her oldest child and only daughter. She really bore the brunt. I feel she still suffers because she missed having a real mother-daughter relationship.
One time (and I mean “one” time), my mom had a real need for a ride. She was pregnant with #6 and #1 was going to the hospital in an ambulance, so she rode in the ambulance to the hospital with #5 and #1, but needed a ride home. Her mom lived near the hospital so it seemed logical to ask her. On the way, Mom treated Granny to lunch, during which pleasant moment, Granny expressed her disgust with being asked for help (ONE time), commented that my mom had too many kids, and asked hadn’t she ever heard of abortion. Yeah.
I know the standard advice is not to let it bother you – but sometimes that’s easier said than done. How do you let “you should kill your baby, my grandchild” roll off your back?
Granny is gone now. Toward the end, my mom started thinking maybe she would benefit from depression meds. Granny wouldn’t hear of it. I’m not big on meds, but if someone is thoroughly miserable all the time, after trying everything, maybe it’s something to think about. I know a number of people who have been helped by them. It would be a last resort for me, and things would have to be pretty bad, but I would keep the possibility in the back of my mind.