Babies at 16??

I wasn’t sure I should write about this because it is very personal and close to my heart. I feel that this whole blogging thing is good for me to express my feeling and to “let it out.” We’ve touched on this subject many times and have even talked about it on other blogs. This has come to be a personal issue with me now.

Teenage pregnancy. I got a call from my oldest sister last week I think it was. She was upset because she had found some text messages from her 2nd oldest daughter,16, to her boyfriend. They, in a nutshell, were TRYING to get pregnant. I really couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Why would my niece do this? She is doing so good in school, on her way to graduating early. She has so much to do yet as a teenager and young adult. I was confused, she just started dating this guy. Granted they have known each other for 3-4 years but still. No logical explanation came to mind. It doesn’t help the situation that she has a 15 year old friend who just had a baby. She has seen her mother struggle being the mom of 4 girls and doing her best to keep them in line. She couldn’t possibly think we would all be happy if it were to happen. And this boyfriend of hers…nice guy huh?? “Your only 16 but lets have a baby.” Come on!! He has convinced her that he will be with her forever. Well I think we all know what that means at 16!! Unbelievable!!

My sister called again last night. By the tone in her voice when she said “Hi” I knew it had been too late. She is indeed pregnant. And happy about it. I didn’t even know what to say to her. I had to hang up, gather myself and call her back. I still didn’t know what to say. I was shocked, I thought she’d come to her senses. I don’t get it. Why do teenage girls want babies?? Is it because they think it’s a way to hold on to a guy? Is it an unconditional love they need, which they should be getting from their parents and my niece does. I haven’t talked to her yet. I really don’t know what to say to her. I don’t want her to feel like she can’t come to me but I can’t lie either and say I’m happy for her. I know we all wish we could protect our children from the world and make every decision for them so they do everything the right way. We can’t, we have to raise them with morals and make sure they are not only book smart but street smart. Drill into their head the importance of good decision making. My sister has done all this, so what happened??

You know, a lot of people say to me, ” be thankful you have a boy, only one penis to watch not hundreds.” True statement however I have 12 nieces. Some of which I know I will never have to worry about when it comes to this but the others…*huge sigh* well you can see why I’m going gray. I really need some heartfelt advice on this one. There’s nothing we can do about it now but to deal with it and move on. I need to talk to her but I’m at a loss of what to say:(

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35 Responses to Babies at 16??

  1. SKL says:

    This happened to so many people close to me over the years. The initial reaction is to try to think of something, anything that can be done about it. (We don’t believe in abortion, so that isn’t considered.) Once the shock wears off and everyone accepts that, indeed, one can’t get un-pregnant, people start to focus on how to do right by the little person who is on his/her way.

    It is hard to say what’s the best thing to tell this young woman. I’ve known young women who did this and it was just the first of many out-of-wedlock births, not all to the same dad. Then, I’ve known others who got married to the dad and proceeded to lead a respectable life, to the extent one can when one hasn’t graduated from high school. I guess knowing what I’ve seen, I’d want to know more about the father and, if he isn’t a complete nightmare, encourage talk of marriage. I know this isn’t a popular answer in today’s world, but hear me out. First of all, in my observation, the ones who married the father of their first “oops” – even as young as age 16 or 17 – are the ones who ended up being responsible adults and parents to their children. Second, encouraging marriage is supportive of the teens (nothing says “I accept your choice of boyfriend” like “when’s the wedding”); and without support at this difficult time, the young woman could get alienated from her family. Third, it says you believe they both need to take responsibility – and not just having his wages garnished after he’s got his first decent job when the child is 10. Fourth, bringing him into the family will enable the family to give both teens a structure to help them finish growing up. Fifth, it reduces the chance that the same thing will happen in the next generation.

    Some will say it’s better to let them be free so they can grow up and better themselves, etc. From my perspective, that argument totally favors the male. The young mother cannot brush this off and move on with her life. Some people may try to convince her that she can, but it’s not true, and it’s not fair to pressure her to make an unthinkable sacrifice to save her equally guilty boyfriend from the results of his own willful actions. I actually know someone whose daughter was forced twice to have an abortion when she wanted to marry (same guy, parents didn’t like his skin color), and after the second, she committed suicide. Not something to consider lightly, in my opinion.

    Early marriages aren’t necessarily doomed. My mom picked her mate at 15 and got married at 17. They are still together after having weathered many storms. They have each other in their old age and wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes, they were young when they got married, but being married and having children helped them to grow up just as well as others who wait until their 20’s to start families.

    About those who didn’t decide to marry – one girl who first got pregnant at 16 ended up having at least 6 fatherless kids, of which 3 died and 3 are in the custody of her aging grandparents. She’s been with who knows how many men and has a prison record. Another just had her fourth out-of-wedlock child, on purpose, because in her words, her boyfriend is such a nice guy that he deserves to have a child of his own, even though he’s mostly living off her other kids’ welfare benefits. Her kids have been jerked around so much, they have a variety of learning, behavior, and health problems. I could go on, but you get the point.

    As the time rolls near for the baby to be born, I’m sure most people will be quite excited about it. That’s just how humans are. It’s been suggested to me that someone we know keeps having out-of-wedlock babies just to get all the positive attention. I don’t know. But I’d just keep acting like I believe the best thing for the child would be a father who’s married to his mother.

    Of course if the guy is a total scumbag or won’t marry, the young girl will need an entirely different kind of support. At that point, you won’t need to say anything to make her see the error of her ways.

    Just the opinion of an old biddy who hasn’t had direct experience with this problem, but has seen a lot over the years.

    Good luck with this difficult decision!

  2. holeycheese says:

    I’m actually one of those who can understand why one wants to have a baby at the age of 16. Myself I’ve been longing to have my own family and kids since I was only a kid.. and even more from when I was 14. It was one of those forbidden dreams, and I was still dreaming of it.
    Though for me it was very important to first find the love of my life and get married first.
    I didn’t like to be a teenager. I wanted to go streight from being a child to be an adult. I wanted to take responsibility for my own life. But the society expects from you to be a teenager and do all kinds of crap first and then you grow up. But I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be. When you are 16 your body tells you that you are ready, your mind tells you same thing. But the society tells you’re still a stupid kid. Some teenagers can’t deal with that.

    Myself I ended up having my first kid at the age of 22.. and still there were a lot of people thinking I was too young.

    But since society is like this.. and it’s hard to change, I wouldn’t recommend anybody to have a baby at the age of 16. But if she is already pregnant, and she is apparently happy about it.. What she needs is somebody who at least tries to understand, who is ready to accept her as a mother. She is more likely to be a good parent if her family is supportive, and helps her to become independent. If this is her way to be happy?? Why can’t you be happy for her?

    I happen to have friends who had kids at the age of 16 or 17.. some of them have parents who are 110% supportive, others were kicked out from the house as soon as their parents got to know they were pregnant. Every single one of them, both kinds – ended up beeing good and responsible parents. But still some of them have no contact with their own parents.. Why?? How can their parents let a BABY split the family?? Aren’t they supposed to be proud grandparents??

  3. nikki says:

    I will support her no matter what. I just want her to be prepared for this boy to leave. Not saying he will but I don’t want any of my nieces depending on a man for anything. I think it’s important for our girls to always be able to take care of themselves. I hope they get married and live happily ever after. I want so bad for her to live that fairly tale. I plan on talking to her tonight and I’ve already been given great advice so thanks:)

  4. SanityFound says:

    I haven’t read all the comments, am running out of time again but I just wanted to say that no matter what she has to finish school, she must know that she has to look out for herself and the kid.

    Good luck hun, this is scary.

  5. Tosha says:

    You can be supportive even though you don’t condone, agree with, or approve of the actions involved. You don’t have to agree with what she has done to be supportive. I think its important that she know she has family to go to. Its an incredibly stupid thing to do but she still needs a support system. You don’t have to be happy for her. I wouldn’t celebrate a pregnancy at 16. I’d be concerned for her, scared for her, etc. but i’d still be supportive of her. This is something thats been very close to me as my sister got pregnant at 15 and had her baby at 16. I was not happy for her. I was extremely supportive of her though. I took her to her drs appointments and I was there. I let her know I was always there for her. My niece is now 12 years old and the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen.

  6. I would never say teen pregnancy is a great idea but I understand it. This world is full of so much uncertainty, it is so difficult to find fulfillment, to find a stable identity, to find where you belong. I think there is only so much a teenager’s parent can do to counteract the confusion and alienation experienced in our modern world.

    And don’t forget the often overwhelming influence of the reproductive instinct, which tends to run counter to our commonly held ideas of career development and personal independence.

    But when a person is a parent, at least that is a solid place in the world where you know who you are to at least the one little person and you know what you are supposed to be doing. Not that it is easy, or always fun, but it is very grounding. Do you know what I mean? I’m not justifying parenthood, just giving my take of the attraction to it in light of the alternatives offered by our society.

    I understand the sentiment about not “celebrating” the pregnancy and refusing to be “happy” about it, but hopefully this is directed at the mother’s actions. The baby herself/himself deserves to be celebrated and fully embraced with every happiness, no matter what the circumstances.

  7. holeycheese says:

    I don’t see the reason for not celebrating the pregnancy or be happy for her. I don’t think a pregnancy at 16 is a good ídea, but once it’s done – it’s done! And it’s time to do the best of the situation.
    If you are not happy for her it might be a psychological punishment for her for the rest of her life. Is it really worth that?? Does that make the situation better? Does she become a better mother because of that? I don’t think so.

    Isn’t it enough that she has to take the consequenses of what she has done? When you have a baby when you are young most friends leave.. the whole society is judging. Isn’t that enough punishment. I think it’s important for every parent – both young and old – to know that there are people not only supporting them – but also that are happy for them.. to have somebody who can understand the joy.. someone to share with.

    Try to think the way she thinks.. try to picture yourself in the same situation..

    To me this “not being happy for” thing really hurts. I didn’t go through it myself.. but I have friends who did. =/

  8. Jennifer says:

    Wow so many great and yet somewhat varied comments!

    I too had that desire as a teenager. As a previous commenter mentioned, part of it may have been due to the desire to grow up faster. The other part I think is physical.

    When we were having trouble conceiving children one specialist made a comment I’ll never forget. He said the unfortunate thing is that the ideal time and easiest time to get pregnant is at 16. It just doesn’t conform to society’s rules. I think of my own grandmother who had her first baby at 15. Of course she was also married and school for girls only went to 8th grade in the country. It just was a different time.

    I see many of SKL’s points but I also understand where Nikki’s coming from. I think it’s important not to get this young girl lost in the fantasy of depending on a man that may never come through….but then again this is a fantasy that falls short for many women much older than 16 as well. I guess it also depends on whether you view marriage as being dependent on a man or as a partnership.

    I think one important key as well are the parents. Not in the sense of caring for the baby but in their ability to get along with one another and in their agreement to support this couple. If the parents point fingers at one another I feel it’s only going to damage to the young couple.

    A good friend of mine became pregnant young. The father wasn’t sure he wanted to stick around, but the father’s parents felt it was important that he be supportive and so they worked with her parents to offer their support. It made a HUGE difference in the father’s willingness to come around in his own time. They’ve since gotten married, have both finished college and have another child on the way.

  9. SKL says:

    I think we would all agree that this young woman should be encouraged to continue her education to the extent practical. Part of her family’s support should be helping her to learn the options – home tutoring, home schooling, GED, daycare during the 2009-10 school year and beyond – whatever combination makes the most sense. There is a lot of public assistance out there for low-income folks to get an education. It’s inspiring for kids to see their parents study and better themselves. And this would help protect this young woman and her child against the possibility that the father won’t support them. Similarly, some support should be available to enable the young man to continue his education while also contributing financially to support the life he helped create.

  10. SKL says:

    Oh, to clarify (based on some of the above comments), I never intended to imply that this young woman should be “dependent” on a man. To me, marriage is an agreement to work together on building the family – it doesn’t mean the male takes on all financial support, unless the couple agree that’s what’s best for all. However, since this young man did intentionally create this life and won’t be the one carrying the child for 9+ months, nursing, and most likely doing 90% of the work involved in physically nurturing the child, he needs to feel a responsibility to provide financial support, as well as to stand by this young lady through thick and thin. It’s certainly possible that he will fail to do so, but at least he should feel a duty.

  11. SKL says:

    Add me to those people who longed to have a child since preschool. It was an extremely strong urge. But I was deathly afraid of getting pregnant before being married. Possibly because I knew my mom was a “love child” and everything wasn’t peachy keen. And I wouldn’t let a fertile male come near me after I’d been “fondled” by an old fart at age 12. So, I got lucky, but I do understand that strong natural urge. It’s today’s society that has decided 16 is too young to be a parent.

    13, 14, maids a-courtin’
    15, 16, maids a-kissin’
    17, 18, maids a-waitin’
    19, 20, horns of plenty

    And they say Mary was 14 when she bore Jesus – and her marriage to Joseph was already in the works.

    So a lot of the horror of a young pregnancy is situational. It can work, so like I said before, I’d try to look for ways to make it work, without in any way encouraging a repeat or copycat performance.

  12. nikki says:

    I’m in no way saying this is will ruin her life. I would never say I was unhappy or disappointed in her, to her. We all plan on standing beside her. Some young relationships work, some don’t. 50% of marriages in my age group don’t work. All I can do is make sure she knows she has our full support. I am not happy about this situation, that doesn’t mean I don’t love her or I won’t love this child. It’s just not what any of us wanted for her. I think the most important thing is to tell her that life doesn’t have to end, she still needs to finish school and think about college.

  13. Sue says:

    Oh, girl, I do not envy you in this situation! I had heard rumors that my cousin’s daughter (at the time an 8th grader) wanted to have a baby so she could be a young mother just like her mom was. Her mom was pregnant at 16. I was like excuse me!!!! Has no one talked to her about what her mom and dad went through??!!!!! It killed my aunt when she found out. She was embarrassed and I remember her sitting in her car at a football game crying b/c she was so ashamed. Of course, once the baby came things got better and now no one would have wished anything differently. The parents graduated high school, got jobs, got married, and struggled for a long time. Their dreams were on hold until their kids (they had another one after they were married) were old enough to stay home alone so mom could go back to school and dad worked. Now they’re both working on their paramedic’s degree. This has been over the span of 15 years. Luckily, the rumor turned out to be just rumor, but it could happen.

    Hopefully, this dad stays around and they do live happily ever after. It’s just getting to that takes a lot of work and sacrifice on both their parts. It’s no longer all about them and what they want to do. You are now responsible for someone else and it’ll be hard. I hope you have a good conversation with her and she might surprise you. I know you and your sister can be there for her and let her know that whatever she needs she can come to you and you’ll answer her questions honestly and with support. Good luck:)

  14. Joy says:

    I also can’t ever remember not wanting a child. I named Jason when I was 15 years old. I’m not sure why it’s in some of us and not others. But I grew up in a different time. I was petrified at the thought of having to go to my dad and telling him I was pregnant. Just the thought of it terrified me. Not because I was afraid of him, quite the opposite, I didn’t want to disappoint him, this disappointed parents back then.

    I can’t for the life of me see why anyone would do this on purpose though.

    Given that all said. I could never not be happy to be having a child come into the family. Yes she’s young but she has family and once the shock wears off, hopefully there will be 100% support for her. I do hope that she continues with school and betters herself to take care of this child because another welfare mom we don’t need and it’s such a sorry cycle. The guy, I wouldn’t hold my breath on that. I’ll bet by the time this baby is born, he’s gone. I don’t mean that in a bad way but it all sounds so cute and cuddly to have a baby but the bottom line is she’s pregnant, he’s not and I think a boy at this age has no idea of what’s ahead.

    Good luck with your talk tonight Nikki and let us all know how it goes.

  15. nikki says:

    I just talked to her. I couldn’t wait. I needed her to know she had my support. I kept most of my opinions to myself. I encouraged her to keep up with schooling and to just be happy. She insists she did not plan it. Regardless of if she did or not, it doesn’t really matter. She told me he is 20 and has graduated and has a good job. They are getting married Sept. 6th!!! I have hope for them.

  16. Joy says:

    I’m glad you were able to talk to her. I am hoping and praying this will all work out.

  17. SKL says:

    Wowie, September 6 doesn’t give you much time to get used to the idea, but I’d say that’s wonderful! I’m glad to hear he’s not 16 too. Congratulations to your niece on her upcoming wedding and child. I sincerely hope it works out for them.

  18. nikki says:

    It is a little comforting knowing he’s a little older and has graduated. He has goals. She wants to live with him but now my sister is saying she can’t move out until she graduates. I feel if they are old enough to have a baby and get married, then they are old enough to live together. My sister isn’t being reasonable right now so I will wait to talk to her more.

  19. Joy says:

    So if they are getting married in a few weeks, aren’t they going to live together after that?

  20. K. Trainor says:

    Tosha put this very well: “You can be supportive even though you don’t condone, agree with, or approve of the actions involved. You don’t have to agree with what she has done to be supportive. I think its important that she know she has family to go to. Its an incredibly stupid thing to do but she still needs a support system. You don’t have to be happy for her.”

    She’s gonna need a LOT of support. Be there for her, encourage her to finish school and get her own income. I hope she does move out on her own. She’ll need to develop a whole lot of stamina to raise that baby. Living in her own place will be much more difficult than she probably imagines.

    I know this is very stressful for you. (((Hug)))

  21. nikki says:

    I know that was my question. My sister isn’t going to be able to do much after they are married. I think she is trying to hold on to her as tight as she can which in reality will only push her away. I think my sis is a little loopy right now!! I know how I feel with this just being my niece, can’t imagine if it were my daughter. She will come to her senses and let her be. She’s gonna have to.

  22. SKL says:

    I just suddenly remembered that my niece is 15. Ugh! Let me go hide under a rock.

  23. Tosha says:

    I can completely understand where your sister is coming from not wanting her to move out until she graduates. She is probably thinking about her education and making sure she continues with it and she knows she is responsible for your niece and in doing so she wants to keep her safe and make sure she is doing what she needs to be doing and that she is taken care of. I wouldnt want my daughter married, pregnant and moving out at 16. I doubt I’d let her. 16 is still a child. I don’t care what teens did way back when. Now days MOST 16 year olds are not responsible enough to make adult decisions and she is still very much a child even though she is having a baby. I might be the odd ball out in my thinking but thats okay. I don’t mind being odd at all… I’ve seen first hand what its like on a 16 year old mother and the 2 families involved. I’m not looking at this from an outside point of view. If they love each other and plan to stay together great. If they love each other then waiting till she is 18 and graduated highschool to move in together (and get married) shouldn’t be too hard. I just don’t think i’d let my 16 year old move out and be on her own.. I seriously doubt i’d let her get married at 16..

  24. mssc54 says:

    Well obviously I’m a guy. Actually a husband and daddy to four girls ranging in age from twenty-eight to six.

    I have some firm opinions about teen pregnancies.

    First of all children, regardless of how well they are brought up, can surprise the hell out of you.

    Although some others have suggested that just because she is sixteen and unmarried that there is no reason to “celebrate the pregnancy.” Excuse me? Talk about giving conflicting messages. “Celebrating the pregnancy” will give her other sisters the “go ahead” it’s no big deal lesson.

    You can be supportive without celebrating.

    If I had a niece that I had a relationship like you do I may say something like; “Honey (whatever her name is) you know there is nothing in this world you could do to ever make me stop loving you. Although I was hoping you would choose a more traditional way of having your first baby I am still here to support you. How can I help you? Would it be okay with you if I made some sort of list of things you need to be aware of as your pregnancy goes on?”

    Something like that is supportive but still gives the message that maybe there was a better way.

    I would also make a list of expenses she can expect to have. In writing. Then mail it to her with a nice letter letting her know how important it is for her and Mr. Scum-Bag to start putting some money aside.

    Regarding that “one penis” thing. I now also have a four year old son. I am going to tell him the same thing I told my four daughters. His virginity is special and should be shared with his wife on their wedding night. Period.

    I hope you take this in the manner in which I intend it. Too be helpful and practical.

    As an aside, my wife and I got married in 1974. She turned seventeen on March 10th and we married on May 4th. So she was barely seventeen. No mom she is not pregnant!

  25. nikki says:

    Thank you for your advice mssc54. That is kinda what I did say to her. I am in no way “celebrating” this pregnancy. What you said was right on I think. Thanks:) Oh yes I intend to teach my son the importance on staying a virgin until marriage. Will that happen? Maybe, maybe not but all we can do as parents is teach and set a good example.

  26. thegoddessanna says:

    I’ve been thinking about this one all day. Growing up, I never, ever wanted children. I had an awesome career planned and things to do, and to me, a family would just tie me down. I joined the Navy at 17, went to language school, had a blast. When both the condom and the hormonal birth control failed me, I became pregnant at 19. Yes, I was an adult, and yes, I was fully employed, but I was nowhere near mature enough to be a mother. I had a hard time dealing with it, and fully planned on giving the baby up for adoption. What was (and is) hardest is that I still do not know who fathered my daughter… my school was hard, there was a lot of drinking going on, and I wasn’t a monogamous dater.

    I grew up a lot in those nine months: I stopped partying, I focused more on my career, I looked at things from a different angle (even though I wasn’t going to keep her). I met my husband, fell in love, and came to the conclusion that I would keep her and start a new life. My mom was there for me, and so was Tim, even though we had only been dating a month.

    A lot of things can happen over a pregnancy, and it can be a crash-course in maturity. I agree with sitting the niece down and going over some basic things she might need to know (basic finances, child-rearing, where and how to find help). I also think that her pregnancy should be celebrated – she made a choice and is taking personal responsibility for that choice by having this baby. A new life is always to be celebrated, no matter the circumstances of his or her conception. I would also tell her that while some things might have to be side-lined or delayed after the baby is born, she needs to make sure her wants and needs are being fufilled as well. Education is a must, but don’t let her pursuit of other things (hobbies/interests) get waylaid in her desire to be a good mother. Teach her the warning signs of depression, both pre- and post-partum, and tell her it’s natural to have worries and doubts even though she wanted this.

    I would also suggest not sugar-coating motherhood, but at the same time, don’t make it out like it’s a prison sentence either. Tell her to trust her instincts, and if she has any doubts or questions, you’ll be there to help. The internet can also be her friend – help her connect with others in her position, giving her exposure to the good with the bad.

    This must be a really hard time for you and your family; I’m not sure what I’d do. Sophie is 5, the boys are three, and we have a few years to preemptively prepare them for their teenage sexuality. I know I want to teach them about my experience – how hard it was emotionally and financially, even with support and a full-time job with benefits (thank you US Navy!). I have to admit, this bothers me for an entirely selfish reason. I want to have another child so bad, but I know we cannot afford another, and I wanted to be done with having kids by now. It pains me to see other women disregard such things while getting pregnant, when I’m trying to be responsible.* It makes me think this is something we should be teaching our kids – kids cost a lot of money! *Not trying to be judgemental, just jealous in a sense.

    Wow, I hope that didn’t carry on for too long. Oh, on the married and living together thing – if they’re getting married, they need to live together. I didn’t live with my husband until a few years after we got married (again, thank you US Navy!), and when we did move in together, it took a longer time for us to unmake certain habits and to learn how to live with one another. This is vital if the father is to be an integral part of the baby’s life – he needs to be there, in the same house, period. Distance does not make the heart grow fonder.

  27. nikki says:

    Thanks you “goddessanna” I guess in saying that I’m not celebrating this means to me, just that I’m not jumping for joy. Am i happy for a new baby and a new life? Yes. I know she will be a great mom. I think if this guy wants to be apart of her life then my sister needs to back off. But how am I (baby sister) supposed to tell her that?? I grew up with most of my cousins having several kids by several different fathers. All at very young ages. Most of my cousins had they’re first at 14-15. I think that could have been me if I didn’t remove myself from that situation. I too had my son at 19. Young? Maybe but it all worked out and I pray it works out for my niece. I did tell her if she had a girl…remember who SHE is named after…her name is Amy Nicole. After your’s truly:)

  28. mssc54 says:

    Nikki; I used to jokingly say that the Knights of old had the right idea. When they went of to fight they “installed” chastity belts on their ladies.

    Ahhhh, those were the days of security and peace.

  29. Jennifer says:

    Nikki. I mean no disrespect as well. I’ve just been doing some thinking since you posted about your last conversation with your sister. I guess one question I did have was if they marry and live separately then who is going to be spending A LOT of time caring for that baby? Most likely your sister? Even if she claims she won’t I don’t see how she can live with her grandchild under her roof and not end up caring for it. This also means she’ll be paying for the food and shelter etc etc.

    I know it’s her grandchild and she’ll love it. I know all of you will love it and welcome the baby to the family. I’m not saying to kick her out or anything like that. If she WANTS to stay, that’s something different entirely. But if she wants to leave then I say let her give it a try at living on her own with a man. She already making adult decisions without her mom now.

    The other financial factor to consider is if they are married they should be eligible for some assistance of some kind I would think? She should be able to get help with daycare funding etc if she needs to attend classes etc. But if she’s unmarried and living with your sister she’s still your sister’s child and responsibility on paper as well. And there’s also health insurance now for the baby to consider.

    I agree with the idea of offering support by sharing with her advice, costs etcs

  30. Jennifer says:

    I forgot about a story that happened to my mother in law about 4 years ago.

    She teaches home and careers in middle school. She has students aged 13-15. She has had pregnant students before unfortunately, but this one year this girl was pregnant and had been disowned by her family. She was 14 years old. The girl was staying with a friends family in the meantime. My mother in law decided this would be the perfect time to do their unit on childcare. They use one of those Baby-Think-It-Overs and have students partner up (the equivalent to what many of us had to do with a bag of flour or an egg). She taught lessons on basic baby care and tied it into the curriculum and then at the end of the unit the class did have a small shower for the girl where people brought in items that they could tie to the lesson (i.e. here’s a bulb syringe because babies can’t blow their noses yet etc etc). Even a few teachers in the building added items to the collection and people brought in used baby clothing that they had to provide a newborn wardrobe.

    She received some flack from a few people that thought she was encouraging this young girl’s pregnancy but overall the feedback was positive. She knew this girl was due at any time and had absolutely nothing for this baby in addition to having no knowledge about how to care for a baby. She also hoped the lesson would work on other students to keep them out of trouble as they watched this poor girl struggle and become disowned by her family.

    A very sad situation indeed.

  31. Candi says:

    All I have to say is 16 and having a Baby, and now getting married, WOW!!!!!! Birth Control when they first get there period parents.

  32. Nikki says:

    My sister has done that with ALL her girls. The truth is you can’t force it down their throat.

  33. Candi says:

    You are very true, you can’t.

  34. Nikki says:

    It’s too bad, mssc54 said it before, we can’t put chastity belts on them.

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