I know I’m only 28 but this feeling is already here!! I get sad every year when Bailey goes back school. But it’s entirely different this time. The transition between 2nd and 3rd grade I think is a HUGE one. He suddenly seems so much older. He’s playing football now. He doesn’t want me walking him in to school anymore. I don’t know if girls go through that. As a parent of only one son it is hard to let go, but I have no choice. He’s not really giving me a choice here. He’s getting older and he is constantly reminding me of that. In the way he talks, acts, dresses.
I thought I had come to terms with the fact that I could never have another child. Sure I think about it from time to time but in the end I know I can’t so why even think about it right? WRONG!! Now, suddenly it doesn’t matter. The fact that I physically cannot have more children. The feeling of wanting a baby is stronger than even before I had Bailey. And knowing I can’t hurts so much. I almost feel less of a women. Everyone around me is having babies, even my darn cat!! I have two friends that just had babies and one that had one 7 months ago and is having another one in 3 months. My niece is having one. Two of my cousins are having babies…but I can’t! It’s actually very frustrating. Just imagine…wanting something so incredibly bad and knowing you will never get it. Doing daycare I know will help keep my mind occupied but even then they have to go home. I love my son more than life itself, this has nothing to do with Bailey. But he is slowly not needing me as much anymore. And he’s always been more of a daddy’s boy. I have my niece but again, she’s not mine. Adoption is out of the question because it costs so much money but I would do that in a heart beat.
Tuesday was the kids’ first day back to school, and I had no daycare kids that day. That’s when the overwhelming feeling started. I made it till about noon and ended up having to go to one of my girlfriends who has a baby and I just held him as long as I could. Today I feel like I want to explode. Joy suggested volunteering at the school which I plan on doing. I guess I’ll just have to deal with this feeling and pray to God it goes away because it is the worst kind of feeling. I know a lot of parents can’t wait for school to start and I certainly don’t think that makes you a bad parent it’s just that I don’t understand it. I wish I was somewhere in between. I want to be happy, not feel sad when he leaves to go to school. If I feel like this now how am I going to feel when he does really leave for college or moves out when he is of age?? I don’t know how to handle it now and he comes home everyday!! Has anyone else gone through this at a young age or even when your kids were grown and left? Keeping my mind busy with other things I know will help but it’s this overwhelming urge for my own child that I’m really having a hard time with. I need help!!