I want to ask all of you something. When someone reads one of your posts, do you expect them to agree with you? I’m not talking about a personal story but more the ones where your asking something. Do you want people to tell you the truth as they see it or would you rather they just nod, agree and say nice things? Would you rather that they say nothing? I’m not talking about anyone in particular. I’m asking all of you that come here to read and the people who know I come to your blog.
I never really knew what to expect when I started all of this and had only been to a commercial blog where you said what was on your mind. You’d hear it all believe me. Some people can get downright ugly on some subjects and I found women are a lot meaner to each other than men are. That’s if people are who they say they are. But people were brutally honest on those kind so I’m not sure if people feel the same on “these” blogs.
But when I started this I mainly just wanted to talk, to discuss. Not fight but disagree for sure. Because if we all agreed on everything, I think it would be kind of boring and dull. I feel you can disagree without name calling and fighting. But I’m never really sure how other people feel and why they blog and what they’d like to get out of it. I feel we all do it for different reasons. For me, I wanted to converse. We’ve had a lot of us that don’t agree with each other and other than a smoking post a piercing post and a few odd others, nobody has really fought over anything. Disagree yes, fight, no.
Just yesterday on my stroll through my blogroll, I found that I didn’t understand what one person was trying to say so I didn’t really leave a long comment and another one, I had another opinion but didn’t leave one there either. I didn’t know “how far to go” or “what to say” because it wasn’t that I disagreed, I just had a different point of view and I wasn’t sure how these people would feel. I know for me, I’d rather hear it and know. I really don’t like it when people don’t comment. Someone once told me “if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question” and I feel that’s very true. I also think sometimes the writer may not be looking at it in any other way. I’ve seen people offer a solution that the writer was grateful for. Sometimes when we’re having a problem, we may not see all the viable options.
But that just may be me and I’m saying on this blog, I really hope you all tell it like it is. How do you want your blog? If you come here often, I’d like to know how you want your blog. What your expectations are. If you want a Happily Ever After or if you want the truth.
Us Girls..Our Views 
I want you to write it straight from the hip. I want your true feelings about the subject.
To my mind disagreement/debate gives me the opportunity to learn and grow. You might change my mind with your thoughts and perspective. I might re-evaluate my thoughts and then become more solidified in them. There is challenge either way.. and for me, that is a good thing.
I’ve been to some forums, which I perceive is the proper place to let loose with what is on your mind. I hated the forums. People came on long threads in the middle of long threads without even having read the person’s original post and blasted everyone including the author.
My blog is MINE. If someone comes as a guest, I don’t mind if they give it to me straight, but respect is the one word I keep on hand to measure the comments with. If it’s catty, witchy, sarcastic, dumb, mean, or evil….delete,delete,delete.
My mantra is: It’s my blog, if you don’t like it, Get your OWN blog! (which is silly of course because the people commenting on yours already have a blog)
I don’t have a blog, but I’m a stalker of several blogs and a participant in some. I think different people have different ideas, but in general, on “personal” blogs, most people don’t expect or want to see comments that call their thoughts/actions into question.
Time and again I see a post that could be a little controversial, ending with “what do you think?”, and followed by 100 comments saying “you are so awesome!” Once in a while someone says “well, actually I see it differently” and then all the other commenters (fan club) gang up on that person and finally the Queen Bee comes and finishes them off with a direct and personal comment, sometimes even revealing personal info that would normally be available only to the blog owner. I’ve seen this actually happen on public blogs too, but at least on public blogs there usually isn’t a “lone commenter” on either side.
I’ve also seen blogs where the owner deletes any comments that aren’t supportive.
As a lurker / commenter only, I feel I should respect the blogger in his or her own space, provided he/she isn’t trampling on anyone else. If I’m a visitor in your house and your family starts going off about some issue and I stand on the other side, I’m either going to keep quiet or make the most neutral comment I can without being rude or dishonest. It’s your turf and I respect that. Same thing with the typical “personal blog.” However, if someone is slamming another person on the blog, I will say something if I think it’s unfair. I’ll still be as respectful as possible, but how can I just keep quiet and let a whole mob beat the crap out of someone? I’ve done this a couple of times and gotten roundly thrashed. Not that I care, but it seems so childish. Like these people have gone back to the 4th grade. Honestly, I don’t think it’s healthy to have a place where you can do and say just anything with no repercussions. Some people treat their Web pages kinda like a padded cell.
Joy, your blog is rather unique among those I read. It’s not public like the one you were talking about above, but it’s not personal like those that are mainly concerned with one person’s thoughts and experiences. I guess it’s kinda like being on someone’s front lawn with a bunch of neighbors, but not in their living room. I think people should feel comfortable posting a respectful comment that differs from your opinion, especially if you ask for their thoughts. But everyone needs to keep their tone friendly, because this is still your turf and nobody has a right to pollute it.
Now, if you are feeling a certain way and really only want comfort or reassurance, you can write your post that way. Just today I saw a blog post that basically said, I don’t want to hear this and I don’t want to hear that, I just wanted to say how I feel.
I am not sure exactly why, but I have to say that yours is by far my favorite blog. I mean as in, there is no competition. So if you are seeing other bloggers do things differently, maybe they could take a few lessons from you, not the other way around. (Though of course it’s always great to get feedback!)
Thank you for the comments so far.
Amber, I’ve disagreed a few time with you but have always tried to be respectful. I usually agree with you for the most part but at times maybe wanted you to see things from another perspective. You know how much I love you. Even though you make cookies for some South Afreecan who shall remain nameless and I get no cookies, I still love ya. Go figure!!! LOL!!
sweetiegirlz, thanks for stopping by and I hope you do again. This blog though isn’t personal like a lot of others and we are asking for opinions an not just telling our feelings.
SKL, you are my most staunch supporter and I thank you so much for what you said. I really like the analogy of the front yard but not in the house. I really want people to talk here and like the differing opinions. I don’t want “yes people” and want to just let conversation flow. There is no completion here because we don’t look at it that way. We are all just wanting to converse with others. Thanks…..it means a lot.
I meant there is no competition in blogland that can stand up to your blog! At least not that I’ve seen.
SKL, then it’s even a better thank you.
*ahem* she eateds them in front of me or did give them to Winston promise… see Ambs I didn’t steal them after all even Joy admits to that!
Back to the post, Joy I prefer brutal honesty for fakeness and fluff only slow the growing process down. Basically keep it real, be genuine and if you don’t like something I say tell me.
Always say what is in your heart and mind with me, no matter what I luff you even though you steal all my cookies. I am dealing with it.
PS Did you hear, it might be the fairies doing all the stealin!
I expect people to be honest but not mean or rude. I have no problem with people leaving their true opinion if they aren’t ugly about it. There is just no sense in being rude or ugly and you are right women are worse than men.. They are more catty.
I prefer the cordial, honest approach. Although, it is impossible to completely discern an individual’s intent through this medium, an effort should be made to be polite.
Name calling should never be a way of communicating. Name calling is just an example of one’s inability to communicate their position articulately.
It is NEVER my intent to cause pain or too redicule. However, I am certainly not perfect and have found (in hind sight) that I have done just the opposite of what I intended.
When that happens I would prefer to be “called on that”. I think we all need to know when we fall short. If we are unwilling to honestly look at what we are doing and how we are doing those things then our life remains stagnant. Growth is good and necessary in every area of our life.
So I like honesty both ways. I like to be honest and hope that those communicating with me will be honest as well.
That being said, I have (privately) asked a few regular bloggers (who’s names you would recognise) to hold me accountable to my goal of being honest in a loving manner. Accountability is necessary even in these venues.
I think the blogger sets the tone. I come here, and it’s peaceful, friendly, safe. Even if there is disagreement, everyone is nice. And that’s truly a good thing.
When I go to that other blog (if we’re talking about the same one), it used to be similar, but since they’ve gone “big time”, I have my gloves sitting on the table next to the computer, because, I’m almost ashamed to admit, I’m beginning to love me a good debate. Not insults, you understand, but a good hashing-out, as long as it doesn’t degrade into the “you big poopyhead” territory, which it does seem to, a lot.
My own personal blog is brand new, and it’s personality hasn’t really evolved yet. I envision it to be part journal, part outlet, and part debate, though I haven’t yet posted anything even remotely controversial. Unless you have an objection to Pink Socks.
I would like to be told how it is, what the commenters true feelings are. I think we need to disagree, but to name call and just be mean isn’t really productive. Other people’s perspective can help everyone who’s reading, not just the author and make us think in a way we might not have before. If the author asks, what do you think, they’d better be ready to handle whatever response they get b/c they asked!
I don’t mind if someone disagrees with me but I would appreciate if they do it in a kindly manner. My daughter disagrees with me a lot and I would rather hear her point of view than not but she always does it in a nice way.
I believe in politeness at all times even during a disagreement but I also believe in total honesty. I would rather know what someone’s real opinion is than to just be honored for mine.
I want to get a tattoo and I know some people who just don’t get it. But that’s cool they have a right to feel that way. My best friend thinks I’m nuts for wanting one but she has told me that in a very nice way and she will love me anyway.
I appreciate a difference of opinion because I like to hear all sides of a subject. It makes me look at things a different way sometimes. A way I may not have thought of.
My local newspaper is online and after each article you can post a comment. Some people are so mean and rude with their comments. I just don’t get it. You can post an opinion without being rude.
This was a very good question that you brought up. I love your questions of the day. They make me use my brain and think.
*gives Joy a HUGE batch of homemade freshly baked oatmeal raisin, double chocolate chip, peanut butter, dark chocolate dipped shortbread, and snickerdoodles baked just for her!* Cause I love you too!
Amber, Sanity will split a gut when she sees that!! LOL!
If I ask a question I would like an honest answer. I love to see both sides of the coin. But I will agree that there is a tactful way to disagree with someone.
I appreciate honesty, but I’m not fond of people being rude. If I ask a question, I like concise replies, not emotional drivel that’s really nothing but an attack.
And I’ll admit right now I’m in a grumpy mood because I’ve been attacked in a comments section of a blog. Again. Because some people just don’t know how to politely disagree.
I like it here because it’s refreshing – a nice palate-cleanser after viewing the usual stuff on other blogs. : )
Amber you are just scared she steals them so you give them to her first huh yeah yeah we knows… Good thing it aint SA coz then the postal man would steal them before they got to her so ner…
Joy: Great question! My blog tends to be more of the touchy-feely type of blog, but still, there are persons that might check it out and think it is all bullshit. Luckily for me, I don’t place my self-worth on whether persons like it or don’t like it; I am absolutely thrilled and overwhelmed when a reader tells me how much my words impacted them in a big way; that is so amazing to me. And, I know that I deal with some subjects that are controversial, including religion, and the biggest of course being for me, homosexuality. I have been amazed at how heated those discussions, over at Lindsey’s place mainly, can become. Again, I don’t take negative comments personally when they seem to be anti-gay, or at least lacking understanding, because I fully know who I am. Bottom line: I want to know truthfully how people feel; I want them to treat my feelings with respect, as I will theirs; and I am always respectful, even when I disagree with another person. Even if we disagree, each person’s opinion is a reflection of their own perception of a situation, but that perception does not need to be reduced to name calling and derogatory language.
Oh, and by the way, WHERE ARE MY COOKIES?????
Guys…. you know Lindsey bakes too….
I really want honest answers. Even from my personal blog. I swear that when I post questions like “what do you think?” that I’m not seeking affirmation that my choice is correct. Sometimes I wonder if my opinion is totally off the wall and so I hope people will respond and call me out for it. The only thing I don’t tolerate is flaming, or assumptions. It’s the assumptions that drive me mad. More than once on ‘the blog that shall not be named’ I found myself going around with someone as they argued with me about my EXPERIENCE with a particular topic. I figure if *I* don’t know if I’ve experienced something or not then who does?
Otherwise I’m pretty damn hard to offend. Those that see me in real life on a daily basis know how hard it is to anger me and often get annoyed that I don’t stick up for myself more. I’m passionate, and easily annoyed, but the bottom line is that I worry too much about offending someone else and I really do believe that Karma will come back to bite me later on. 🙂
I’ve always just posted my honest opinions on blogs. I’ve never wondered whether the blogger ACTUALLY wanted my honestly or not. It’s really a great question Joy!
I’ll admit that if it weren’t for the fact that this blog is more or less the ‘safe house’ in the blogging world for many of us, I would never have even considered posting my views on the election the other day after reading through the other comments. I’ve unfortunately been caught it the situation that SKL mentions where all commenters share a common opinion and I’m the odd one out and lose the popularity contest. I was more than a little nervous the other day once I realized the place I had put myself on this blog, but once I realized that we could peacefully disagree I was relieved.
You are truly managing a rare beauty in the blogging world Joy…..
Thank you so much Jennifer. I still owe you many thanks. I wouldn’t be blogging if it weren’t for you. You taught me how to do EVERYTHING. Thank you so much.
SKL, LS, Jen, Goddess Anna and Jane, yes, we all know the bog. We all met on that one and it makes me sick most days. It’s really been bad lately. All anyone is doing over there these days is fighting over politics. I think they knew they could get people fighting so now every other post is about Sarah Palin, her daughter or her husband. Have people no shame? I mean one or two would be fine but there are more than that in a day.
I don’t mind if someone disagrees with me, as long as it is done in a respectful way. I have only deleted two comments on my blog–one took me to a porn site (I don’t even think the person read my post)–and one was so hate filled and full of profanity that I didn’t want it on my blog. I try to keep my blog positive and uplifting and that type of comment doesn’t fit.
On my blog – definitely honesty, as well as polite disagreement if that’s what it inspires.
On other people’s blogs, I tend not to want to rock any boats. If I think I can show a bit of the other side of the coin in a mellow way, I’ll do it. But sometimes I feel as though I am looking on from the other side of the fence, and I don’t want to have to shout and wave my arms around from way over there cuz then people will think I’m nuts or something, so I’ll just come back another time.
I figure, if I want to have a really contrary opinion, I can just write my own post about it and not spoil someone else’s party.
I didn’t realize that Goddess Anna and LS came here now too. This is so great. There are five of us. How cool is that??? I agree with everyone else Joy. I love this blog because we can say what we feel and not have to worry about everyone just coming out of their closets and attacking us. There was one writer of at that “other one” that just drove me away. I haven’t been there in a good six months. I don’t need to be attacked because I didn’t agree and kiss ass. You also phrase things so that you really seem to want people to toss ideas around. That’s what I love about coming here. I also the like different writers. It gives it a group feeling. I also really like the differing subjects. Some personal blogs I’ve been to are just a little to personal and I never know what to say other than “that’s nice” and phrases like that. You write about news stories as well and normal everyday things we all do. I always feel safe and happy when I come here. It’s really the only blog I come to now.