How would you rank your first date with someone new?

How many bad first dates have you had?  When I think back….whoa….

Check this one out.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience.  There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize.

She said it was midwinter…snowing and quite cold…and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.

It was a day trip (no overnight).  They were strangers after all and truly had never met before.  The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere.

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.

In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentlemen and refrained from peeking.  All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.  Upon finishing however, she soon because aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.  It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concern about “what is taking so long” with a reply that indeed, “she was freezing her butt off” and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.  Both agreed it would take something hot to fee her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.  As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down.  Or perhaps that should be “pants down.”  And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno’s comment…This gives a whole new meaning for being pissed off!! 

Oh, and how did the first date turn out?  He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

I can’t beat this.  Can any of you?

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7 Responses to How would you rank your first date with someone new?

  1. SKL says:

    I think for the first time in my life I am speechless.

    I’ve had some doozies, but no, not even close.

  2. SKL says:

    OK, what the heck.

    My first date was when I was 17. My college classmate was an old fart of 20. Gentlemanly, he waited until my 17th birthday and then asked my MOTHER (who was also a student there) if he could take me out. I was trying to make faces at her to say “no” but she said “yes” so I had to go.

    Well, the date wasn’t that exciting. He picked me up in his pickup truck and took me to see “The Dead Zone,” which I liked and he didn’t. Then we went to Perkins where he told me he hoped I wasn’t hungry because he didn’t want to spend a lot of money. I was content with a hot chocolate. On the way home as we were “getting to know each other” he told me how he didn’t respect his mom because she put money into a retirement fund instead of putting it aside for his education. (Mind you, I was paying for my own education with student loans and a few bucks I earned.) So I was more than relieved when we got home.

    But alas, he thought I was gonna kiss him good night. I was horrified at the thought. Granted, he’d brought a breath mint for the occasion, but still – yuck! I had never kissed anyone nor felt the remotest desire.

    This was a matter for quick thinking.

    I came up with a story about how my religion didn’t allow it and my parents didn’t allow it and I felt it was morally wrong to do that until . . . let’s say the 900th date. So he finally went away.

    Whew!

    But that wasn’t the worst of it.

    The worst of it was that my father had his bedroom window open and had heard every word. And he told me the next day.

    ******

    Fast forward 14 years and I’m set up by an old work friend with a “really nice guy,” someone she felt was just like me. (Note to self: just like me is NOT good.) I won’t count the first date because it was too boring – just dinner – so skip ahead to the second. He took me with him to a “hunt test” for his purebred bird dog. Now this guy was all about his dog. Doggie even had his own web page, and that was 10 years ago. Dude was very serious about getting Doggie to be a “champion” by age 2. He already had a title in “show” and now he was being tested for “hunt.” So anyway, we drove up there, me sitting in Doggie’s customary seat, Doggie breathing his very stinky breath into my face to protest my audacity.

    I kinda knew something wasn’t right when the dog wasn’t the least bit interested in the boxes of live quail that were to be planted around the course for the dogs to get. Dude took Doggie up to the boxes and tried to get him to at least smell the birds. No interest at all.

    So here comes the test. We’re on horseback and I’m enjoying the nice outdoorsiness of it all. But doggie sucked wind and Dude was really, really upset. He was nasty to the dog and when I tried to lighten things up, he snapped at me that I obviously didn’t realize how important this was. It was cold and quiet all the way home.

    So the next time he asks me over to his house for dinner. He cooked some fish and such, and as we were eating it, he commented that good food is important to him and “I pride myself on the fact that I have never eaten Kraft Dinners, even in college.” (Gulp, that’s about the only thing I’ve cooked since I was 12.) He showed me his house and complained that the reason it was unfinished was that his rotten dad was spending too much time helping his sisters and not enough time working here. The topic eventually shifts to his dog’s diet and training.

    Next we watch “Message in a Bottle” on his TV. With Doggie sitting in the same room, barking, but worse, stinking like anything. I mean, this is the stinkiest dog alive. I would have a horse in my living room before I would have a dog like that. OK, so halfway through the movie, Dude is feeling romantic. I am sorry, but no matter how attractive you are, guys, do NOT try to get romantic with a girl when your stinky dog is breathing dog breath on her! You are going to be disappointed.

    The next day he sent me an email saying that he had given it a lot of thought and determined that unfortunately we didn’t have the type of chemistry he was seeking in a relationship. (Yeah, he worded it like that.) Thank God, no more dog breath!

    Not nearly as good as the frozen butt, but it’s the best I have in this category.

  3. Joy says:

    That is hilarious SKL

    I wasn’t going to say this but like SKL said “what the heck.”

    I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16. I really liked a boy and it was okay if I had boys to the house. I just couldn’t go anywhere with them. I had a “date” and he was going to watch the Vikings game at our house. I had changed my clothes I don’t know how many times. Did and re-did my make up and made sure I looked perfect. He rang the door bell and I didn’t go out right away. Make them wait right????

    I walked into the living room and he and my mom were jolly good pals by this time and she looked at him and said “Joy can put her bra on backwards and it fits!” I know that may sound funny now but as a first date, I was humiliated and to think I’m 50 and it’s this raw, I didn’t find it funny in the least! I still don’t see a whole lot of humor in it. She embarrassed me to no end and it hurt me.

  4. SKL says:

    Joy, wow – I’m sure your mom thought that was some kind of bonding or something, but I could see myself dying right there.

    I have a vague sense of some moments like that, but I’ve wiped the details out of my memory, thankfully.

    I do remember a few times when I thoroughly embarrassed my brothers with their girlfriends, though. The joys of siblings!

  5. thegoddessanna says:

    I didn’t do a lot of dating as a young adult – in high school, I was too busy, and in the Navy, well, there was a lot of alcohol involved. I was different back then. Anyway, my first date with my husband is something I’ll never forget.

    I was 8 months pregnant and single, and I had just started working on the watch floor. I developed a crush on one of my fellow watchstanders – an Eagle Scout, straight-laced, naive young man named Tim. He was always polite to me, and played the usual pranks (we worked odd hours, it was good, clean fun). Well, I had bought tickets to see the second Lord of the Rings movie, and had called him to invite him. Turns out he was working his second job at the time, but he invited me to go a few days later (the day before my birthday). He was duly impressed I was able to sit through the long movie without having to pee, and I found out he had my number in his cell under the name “Waddles.” And then, over dinner, he talked at length about his cousin that kept getting pregnant with so many different guys, and that she had 3 kids all with different fathers… completing not understanding that the subject made me uncomfortable. I knew my chances were ruined – how would he like pregnant me if he so clearly disapproved of his cousin?

    Turns out, he was clueless, and so enamored of me, he was rambling without thinking. The next day, his grandmother died, and I spent the next few weeks (he was on leave) wondering how to deal with him when he got back. It all worked out in the end – and I still like to joke with him about how crappy he made me feel.

    We’ve had plenty of red-faced moments since then, but nothing bad. : )

  6. Jane says:

    I can’t begin to top this. LOL!!!

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