Separate bedrooms

This used to be a subject that people didn’t talk about. Married people sleeping in separate bedrooms. But there has been so much talk about it lately.

I have had my own bedroom now for almost 10 years and I couldn’t be happier.  Had I known how much I loved it, I wouldn’t have waited so long.  I guess one fact was that we didn’t have a room for me to have my own room until the boys grew up and moved out.

I am a very light sleeper.  I wake up at every sound and then can’t fall back to sleep. I’ve always been this way.  Even as a young child, I can remember spending the nights counting the hours down until it was time for me to get up.  I could hear the furnace, my parents breathing, the dog…..I had a terrible time. I’m easy to fall asleep but then I always wake up and once awake, I just toss and turn and then worry that I’ll be tired the next day.

My husband snores but worse than that, he’s up I can’t even tell you how many times during the night.  That alone woke me up. Then there are his “morning” habits that woke me up when he had to get up and I didn’t.  I won’t go into all of them but let me tell you, they woke me up.  If he’d been able to just wake up and let me stay asleep, it might have been different but he just always did things in the same routine and couldn’t seem to change the way he did them.

The other thing is he used to always be hot, I used to always be cold.  Now we are opposites.  He’s cold, I’m hot!!!  Men and woman’s bodies just aren’t in sync.  I also need constant but consistent sounds while sleeping.  I’m not even sure how many wind up clocks I have in my room.  One clock, I can’t stand but the sound of many ticking away at different ticks, I just love.  I have fans too and in the winter, a humidifier.  I love these constant noises.  Now the dog only has to bark once and I’m always woken up by but the constant sounds that are “mine,” I love.  We also live in an old farmhouse and I’m upstairs alone and let me tell you, it’s freezing up there.  In the winter, I can see my breath.  I’m not joking.  I also don’t hear the phone, the dogs or anything when I’m sleeping up there.

But we are older and is that to be expected?  My grandparents slept in the same room but not the same bed.  I’m not really sure why but a lot of the older people that we knew, had their own bedrooms when the kids left the house.

Many young people are now needing a better nights rest and are choosing to have separate bedrooms.  I know a lot of young people who can’t imagine sleeping apart won’t get this but it’s got nothing to do with love.  For me and many others I’ve talked to about this, it’s only about a good nights sleep and some won’t even admit to people that they don’t sleep in the same room. Had I known how much I’d love to have my own room as an adult, I would have done it was sooner and I might have had better sleep back in the day when I really needed it.

Do you have your own room or do you know people that do? Would it embarrass you to tell anyone (if) you had your own room?

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14 Responses to Separate bedrooms

  1. Elena says:

    It always makes me happy to hear about arrangements that fulfill people’s needs, no matter how “quirky” other people might think they are. I also honestly believe that providing each other with what they need, and this of course includes sleep, is the most basic way to love each other, and so if you sleep better apart, then you are taking good care of each other.

    For myself and my husband, I don’t think this would work, although he does like to have things colder and have more noises than I do (and he snores sometimes!) But he feels strongly sentimental about us being close during the night, to the point that he frowns on the idea of getting a king-sized bed because he thinks I will be too far away on the other side of it. As for me, this is hard to admit, but I am a chicken, a light sleeper who wakes up to the slightest noise terrified out of my mind imagining what horrible thing it is, and if I am alone I will fall back asleep and have nightmares. I am such a big baby at night. Knowing my husband is there next to me lets me sleep much better.

  2. mssc54 says:

    My wife and I share the same room/bed. It’s a California King so there is plenty of room.

    My mom’s parents had seperate beds but my mom and dad did not.

    I can’t imagine sleeping in different rooms.

  3. nikki says:

    She’s not joking about seeing your breath up in her room!!! I’ve always wanted my own room, not to sleep but just have my own things. My own!! No trophies or man stuff!! My old neighbors were young,19, and she had her own room. They slept in another room together but she had her own room with all her own stuff, decorated the way she wanted. I could never not sleep with Jason, I need that closeness and feeling of him just being there. I would like a bigger bed though, because once you have 2 adults, a big lab, cat and now her kitten, it gets kinda crowded. You should see them all on Bailey’s bed!! He ends up curled up in the corner, poor kid!!! My friend Breanna’s parents have always had separate rooms. I think you do whatever works for you and it doesn’t have anything to do with love.

  4. Sue says:

    There is a lady who I work with that sleeps seperate from her husband b/c she snores SO BAD!!!! We joke with her all the time about it. Turns out she has horrible sleep apnea and is getting a machine, but it was her husband that “moved out” of the room b/c he couldn’t sleep! We share the same room/bed, but if he snores it’s enough to drive me nuts.

  5. holeycheese says:

    My husband and I share bedroom/bed.. would be weird for us to do in any other way. I sleep better with him.. and he sleeps better with me. As long as I have 2/3 of the bed.. 😉

    But I do understand the choice to have separate bedrooms if you are a light sleeper, if one or both is snoring, going up a lot, or whatever that could disturb the night sleep.

  6. kwoneshe2 says:

    First, is that pic of your bedroom?? Lovin it.

    Hubs and I sleep in same bed. California king. (mssc is a copycat) :p LOL

    I can’t imagine sleeping in separate beds. Not that there is anything wrong with it. Some folks sleep better that way. I just like to snuggle, and Ricky is enough of a sweetheart that he doesn’t usually wake me when he gets up. I’m a sound sleeper too.

    Glad you have found a way to get some rest. I DO have to sleep with a fan on (all year round) and the radio.

  7. SKL says:

    I don’t have any reason to share a bed, but believe me, I know people who don’t share. It isn’t as unusual as you may think.

    My mom can’t sleep on a regular bed because of her back problems. And what she can sleep on, nobody else can. One day a call came in the middle of the night from my dad’s work, and my mom answered it (before caller ID). Afterward she was ticked because “now they know we don’t sleep in the same bed.” Because she had to say “just a minute, I’ll go get him.” So apparently it “looks bad” to some people, but I say, do whatever works.

    Do you ever watch “I Love Lucy”? They had separate beds. The mere suggestion of sleeping together on TV would have been beyond scandalous in those days. So really, separate beds are not a big deal. And it certainly isn’t anyone else’s business to get an attitude about a married couple’s sleeping arrangement.

  8. Amber says:

    Separate beds was considered normal very normal until recent times. In fact the wife would have a small closet like bedchamber for sleeping off of the master bedroom. Its really only in the past 100 years where it has become normal to “sleep” together. Before that, nope. Really in the past 50 has sleeping together become at its most popular for married people. Before that it was seen as …. well… uncouth!

    Personally I have a very hard time sleeping because of my illness. I don’t sleep at the best of times, and I often move out of bed elsewhere so that I don’t disturb anyone else. I feel guilty because other people in my household work and I do not. So I always make the sacrifice and I will go wherever needed to be quiet and out of the way. I take my computer and am silent.

    Many couples I know, especially going into middle age are choosing this. Of course they do the conjugal visits, but they sleep better and seem happier with their own space.

  9. marlajayne says:

    I think couples should do what works best for them and not worry about what others think. Hmmm. That sounds a little preachy, but that isn’t my intention. It’s just that I think our nights are just as important as our days, especially since the quality of our sleep can influence so much…mood, memory, strength, stamina. My hubby and I sleep together, but I’ll admit that I MUST HAVE an overhead fan whirling away and a sound machine with ocean sounds. If we travel, I take the sound machine with me. Nothing like the sound of surf meeting the shore to drown out snores, etc.

  10. Jane says:

    My husband and I are both 32 and we have our own rooms. It’s hard to describe but we have our third floor like “our suite.” We each have our own room with a general sitting area, shower/tub and walk in closets, between our sleeping areas. We have our own toilet and sink area.

    I need to be alone and he’s a twitcher. He’s always moving and I have never slept well so this was given a lot of thought. We both liked this idea and we saw it in house plans when we were planning to build. We don’t have doors though. It’s all kind of open but separate. It’s very hard to explain it but he can have his “hunting” theme and I have my lavender and sage and girl stuff.

    Neither of us are cuddlers and he needs the radio on and I need it off. Sleep is sleep and I get up at 5 and he gets up at 7. I go out and get most of my chores done and he stays with the kids and this just works better for us. The sex life is very exciting this way. We do a lot of “wanna visit my room tonight” stuff and it’s fun to flirt this way. I guess to each their own but everyone knows we have our own rooms. I could care less what people think. It’s my life.

  11. Joy says:

    Jane, you little flirt 😉

    You house sounds so neat.

  12. Eric & Tessa says:

    I would tell people if we did to get a good night’s rest. I think sleep is most important! Get it how you can! And visiting each other’s rooms sounds fun! Eric and I love cuddling too much. He sleeps like a rock, and I’m a light sleeper, but can fall asleep quick. If he snores, I move him so he stops, and if he gets on my half of the bed, I move him and fall back asleep LOL

    Joy, you should do a blog on people sleeping with their pets!! Our best friends out here do that and I know it usually bugs one spouse. Also, sleeping with your babies in the bed! We have 3 friends with newborns, and they all do that. Scary!

  13. gary says:

    The ‘Separate Bedrooms’ article and comments just saved my life; my wife and I have slept in separate queens for years, but the past several years she has developed a roof roaring snore (bless her heart) and we have discussed many options trying to avoid the separate bedrooms, no-brainer, solution. This article and comments has me off to the lumber store to finish one of the unfinished rooms in our home for the new “flex suite.” : D

  14. Joy says:

    Good luck Gary and thanks for stopping by.

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