Rules of Minnesota :
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a “gravel road.” I drive a Pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. You say our lakes smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 times a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in; we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat walleye & northern pike and love it. You really want sushi & caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.
8. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a Religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there’s no “vegetarian special” on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the pound of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: Onion, Pepper, and Garlic!
12. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a hell of a lot more fun to watch.
13. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards –it spooks the fish.
14. Colleges? Try St. Olaf, Concordia, or St. John’s . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.