In heated arguments do you walk away or keep at it until you’ve had the final word?
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That all depends on if the other person stopped listening. I’ve done both but am more apt to walk away and re-think things before bringing it up again to try to resolve it.
I’m almost never in a heated argument. I walk away way before it gets to that point. I’m not a fighter, I’m a pouter. If I ever do blow, take cover because the last 20 years will come out. You’ll wonder what the argument was about to begin with.
I try not to get heated. Usually I remain calm while others lose their cool. Since I’m calm, I usually feel justified in clarifying whatever it is they are overreacting to. So I guess you could say I want the last word, though I never think of it that way.
Then again, the person I most often argue with always refuses to “agree to disagree.” So whoever gets the last word, that word is usually an insult or expletive rather than a logical discussion point. Then we end up having the same argument all over again until someone (usually me, I admit) gives in to the other person’s ego. OK, now it’s out: I’m a wuss.
I have to go pack for real nows OMG its today!!! *hugs*
I walk away 90% of the time depending on the situation, if someone else is being attacked and I feel that it is injustice then I tend to sort the situation out. For me I tell the person I’ll come back to them and we can talk once we are both calm.
You can never take words said in anger back, it can be a really hard lesson to bear.
See you on the othersides!
I really don’t have any heated arguments. The only person I have “discussions ” with is my 27 year old son who has had a lot of problems. I don’t argue with him though. I preach to him which usually shuts him up in about 20 seconds and he changes the subject or if we are on the phone he suddenly has another call.
I really am one of those people who avoid confrontations. I will stand up for myself but not argue. If someone disagrees with me that’s fine. I agree to disagree even though inside I know I’m right. Ha! Ha! 😉
Eric and I tend to get into heated conversations and keep it going until we get the last word. We both have extremely stubborn, persistent personalities and still get immature at times. I think it comes with age, and we are so much better now! We’ve gone from teenagers to adults together, so I know that has a lot to do with it. He use to have a major anger problem, and then it rubbed off on me. Meditation has really helped both of us see a new light. It’s 50/50 now on walking away and cooling down before we come back to each other & resolve the issue. The power of mindfulness is amazing. It allows you to see things so differently & control your anger a lot better!! I recommend Thich Naht Hanh to everyone.
Sainty, very true. We both remember hurtful words we said to one another, and it can be hard to forgive, but we have.
Joy, I like that! I am not a fighter, I am a pouter! I love the expression not a fighter, but a lover. I admit I am a pouter too! I am one to shrink into a ball in the corner or walk away with a pout…or screaming! Hard habits to change, the hardest, but it feels good to be finally doing it.
Walk away. When voices become too loud, I have flashbacks of the abuse I went through, so I disengage myself until tempers have cooled.
“I’m almost never in a heated argument. I walk away way before it gets to that point. I’m not a fighter, I’m a pouter. If I ever do blow, take cover because the last 20 years will come out. You’ll wonder what the argument was about to begin with.”
Joy, you’re walking around in my head. Scary.
I used to have to have the last word, because the one I argued with would stonewall. I would just keep hammering and hammering, the whole time he was ignoring, because I *knew* he could hear me just fine – even though he wasn’t reacting. And I hated it, and he knew it.
Now, I’m getting better at shutting down. He still stonewalls, but I’ve started realizing that the hammering does nothing but give me a headache.
So I’ve started walking away.
Unfortunately, we never get back to talking about the issue, or the underlying issues that brought us to this place. It’s kind of like living in limbo.
Wow. Who knew a simple question would cause so much introspection? sheesh.
I’m guilty of needing the last word. I just don’t feel right if I don’t. I like a healthy heated discussion, maybe even a little debate, but I don’t like to fight. My 6th grade teacher told me I should be a lawyer because I like to argue. I’m not nearly as bad as I used to be. It also depends on the person, some I know will get angry, those I don’t even start with. But some are up for a little heat with out getting burned, so to speak.
Nikki, your a Leo right? That’s why you like it! Eric is a Leo too. I am a Scorpio and we are that same way.
Laura, I know exactly what you’re talking about! Yea, you have to, have to resolve the issue and come back to it. That is most important to move on and talk.
kwoneshe, yea- when voices get loud that practically is abuse if it happens over and over. That’s why I advocated to my hubbie that we needed help and needed to fix our anger. I knew it was so unhealthy. Now we usually talk calm.
I don’t really get mad that often. I’m pretty even but will stand up for myself if I’ve been wronged. I feel when you start arguing, it’s usually over something dumb and you start saying cruel things just because your mad, those things can never be “unsaid.” I would prefer to wait until I’m calm and then “talk” about whatever it was.
I think some people who like to argue over everything and NEED to get that last word in are insecure and just need to hear their own voice. They are the same kind of people who always need to win. I’m just not like that. One of our friends will argue over every little thing and we just let her go on and on and we look at each other and shrug. It’s so counterproductive.
I like to stick with it until we reach a resolution, but if I can see that the other person is deadset against seeing any other perspective, I’ll walk away. I feel like I am willing to open up and consider things, but I need that to be reciprocated. If not, I don’t care who wins, because it’s a dumb fight at that point.
Jane, that is true that it is an insecurity thing. It is immature to just argue/fight to get that last word in. I’d rather be happy, than be right.
I walk away and slam the door. This way I get the last word anyway!
LOL Just A Mom. I’ve been known to slam things too.
LOL I like your way!!! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one here admitting that I do like to have the last word.
Yes Tessa, I’m a Leo. I like a healthy debate, but no I don’t like to fight. I’ve done too much of it in my life. Through a good heated debate you can learn something new or perhaps teach someone else something new. Even if my “last” word is under my breath and the other person doesn’t even hear it, that’s fine with me.
Instead of calling them “arguements” I prefer top call them “intense moments of fellowship.” 🙂
That is what I meant by it Nikki! Nobody likes to fight. Very true! Eric & I always hear each other if we try to do the under the breath thing & we go, “what did you say!?” lol So we don’t usually try it.
I like that mssc
I like that too mssc!!
I am horrible at keeping at it until I feel like things have been resolved. Sometimes that causes more problems than it is worth.