I read a book by Debbie Macomber recently. I’m not sure if your familiar with her or not. Her style is a small town kind of life and her characters are the “behind the scenes” kind of people. Like the people who own and run the business’s in her fictional small towns. Her books are usually “pick me ups” and easy reads and I enjoy her. I read so much that I’ve had to branch off of my “favorites.” I’ve added her books to my never ending search for good books.
While I was reading this book this thought came to me. There was a young couple who had a two year old and the woman was pregnant again. All very happy at the beginning of their lives. They had moved away from the town they both grew up in and were planning a visit “home” because the woman wanted to go to a new knitting shop in town. A friend of hers was opening it up and all the old gang were going to show support.
This woman was thinking of all the things she’d need to bring along for the little one and her mind was telling her that her mother had this and that and that even though both sets of parents lived in that town, they always stayed at her parents. She didn’t “feel comfortable” at “his” parents.
Has anyone ever heard this:
A son’s a son till he takes a wife but a daughter’s a daughter all of her life? (or something similar)
So this got me thinking, I have no daughters. None that I gave birth to anyway. I won’t get into mushy stuff but I feel my daughters in law treat me like their own mom’s. I don’t feel they treat me badly or shut me out of anything. Has that just been my good luck?
Haven’t we all heard that “girls” get all the jewelry after a mothers death? What if are no girls? Since I have no girls but I have one granddaughter, should she get all my jewelry just because she’s a female? Wouldn’t my own son’s enjoy seeing something I really loved and wore, on their wives? Who made these rules? I know this has caused many family feuds so this is no joke. I’ve seen families torn apart by petty jealousies. I plan to divide my things up by who liked what more and NOT by what sex someone is.
I met someone from bowling a few years ago that treated her in laws like…*insert word of choice here*…Her poor husband never gets to celebrate anything on the “real” holiday because he’s always being drug to her families for everything. She thinks it quite funny to be able to “lead her husband around by the nose ” and just see how far she can push him. I ended up giving that friendship up because I don’t feel you treat someone you love that way. She would “brag” about all her “plans” at bowling and I couldn’t listen to it anymore. I didn’t find it funny. If you love someone, why would you take away people they love? I always thought marriage was about giving and taking and trying your best to make your partner happy. I think her husband is just trying to keep the waters calm and not make any waves because then there’ll be a big fight and she’ll win as soon as she turns on the tears. But she’s pretty much alienated his whole family and I’m afraid there will never be a good relationship now. There have been to many hurts and to many exclusions. It’s her family first, like his doesn’t exist. I know his parents and they very kind hard working people and they would be such good grandparents but she won’t allow that either. It’s like her parents are the only ones who count. It’s very sad. All the aunts, uncles and cousins have been taken away from her two kids as well and who can ever have to many people love them?
I’ve often wondered about women who act like this, “calling all the shots” women. What their mothers are like and if they are just imitating them. If they were/are very over-bearing, immature, selfish and demand all the attention from their kids once they are grown and have have families of their own. Now they want to live through their adult kids. They called all the shots while the kids were young and want to continue to do so and maybe these kinds of women know nothing else. If their father’s were just weak men or were absent. (I know there are plenty of “calling the shots” men but men normally don’t do things like this). I know I am not like that. If it’s my turn to share a holiday, I make no demands because it’s not worth it to me and I know that in life, one needs to remember what we learned in Kindergarten, sharing.
So this leads me to wonder, if we only have sons, should we gear up for a lonely life of getting “leftover” holidays and family gatherings? Will our boys grow up just to leave us for what their wives want? If we throw a big stink, will our sons stand up for us? Come on, we all know couples like this where the man acts big and bad but is led around and told what to do by his wife. Like I said above, do some of these men just try not to make waves? Don’t they realize their “woman” is hurting the people who gave birth to him and love him and want to spend time with them too? Why does it seem like moor men have to give up what they really want for the wife? What’s up with this?
Why should anyone have to give up their family for someone? Doesn’t it seem like it’s men more than women who are forced to do this? Are some women just unreasonable and men just want to “keep them happy” despite what they really feel and want? Why do so many men seem to be afraid to admit what they want and how they really feel just in order to make someone else happy?
I’ll tell you this before closing, had Paul ever told me I had to “give up” my family for his, I’d have told him to go piss up a rope! He would have told me the same thing had I “forced” this on him. It’s unreal to me.