“If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.” This quote is so true!! I have 3 sisters, all I love very much. My oldest sis, is my best friend, she’s 10 years older than me and we have never ever gotten in any kind of argument. She has and always will treat me like her baby and will always favor me. I can’t help that but believe me it has caused some fights! The 3rd oldest is the needy one who is always looking to others to solve her problems. The 2nd oldest, we find out at age 12 that she in fact may not be my sister at all (that’s a post in it’s self) she’s the manipulative one, always starting fights and is a compulsive liar. I may elaborate on her in another post, this one is about the 3rd oldest.
Sometimes I think she’s completely hopeless. That’s bad to say but after hearing the same old shit all the time, I just can’t help but think that this is how it will always be. Joy and Sue know her and know Jason and I have tried to help her. She won’t work, she gave her kids up, she drinks too much and takes too many pills that she says she needs. It’s always something with her. She lives in absolute filth and doesn’t try to change. When she lived In Iowa I would go to visit her. I’d spend my first 2 days just cleaning her place. She wouldn’t help, but I can’t sleep, eat or live in filth. She’s lazy and has no zest for life. ALL these things break my heart. I can’t count the times on my hands that I have heard these words…”it’s different this time, Nikki, I have a whole new outlook on life. I’m done with men and I’m getting my life on track.”
I didn’t talk to anyone about this other than Jason. About 3 months ago my sister called me in tears, saying those words I have heard so many times before. I guess my heart said believe her but my brain was saying, “DON’T DO THIS!” I discussed it with Jason and decided to invite her to come stay with us and I’d help her…again. I know! I know I shouldn’t have even offered it. She’s still my sister. I want so bad for her to have a good life, to achieve happiness in her life and with herself. She’s going down the same road our father went down, the same road that killed him at age 49.
I told her she could come here under certain circumstances, no men, no alcohol no unnecessary pills, no drugs of any kind in my house. She said she understood and she was going to take the next 2 weeks to gather her stuff, tie up any loose ends and make her way to Minnesota.
3 months later…I finally get a call from her. I hear these words again…actually I won’t bother repeating them. Lets put it this way, if I had the means to fly to Montana just to slap her silly…I would! Would it do any good? No. Would I feel better? Maybe for that moment! She has decided to stay there. I guess I should really be thankful, it’s not my problem. I’ll let our other sister deal with it. That’s not how I feel though. I’m very mad at her. I’ve gone through the stages of feeling sorry for her, wanting to help her, and now I’m just flat out pissed at her! How can one not want a good life for themselves or their children? I truly believe anyone can accomplish anything if you want to bad enough. I think when times get tough, she looks for others to fix it. She takes no responsibility for anything. Her 2 oldest children, 8 and 10, are with their father. Her youngest, she has signed over rights to a friend. She was even thinking about somehow sending him to me to raise. I, of course, said I would. Sorry, I can’t say no to any child.
I’m wiping my hands clean for the last time. Jason and I have worked too hard for the life we have, the marriage we have to let someone come in and mess that up as she did the last time I tried helping her. Where was she when I needed her, when I was homeless and hungry?? I will always love her and will always be there for her children, but that’s where I draw the line. I will never offer my help to her or open my home to her again. I refuse to try to help someone that refuses to help themselves. When I was on the phone with her this last time, I barely said 2 words to her. I’m tired of being disappointed by her. I’m the youngest yet I’m the one that has to cut the string, break this cycle she has pulled me into. All I can do now is hope that one day she will get it, want more in life, get her children back and have a normal life. Never did I think that my greatest disappointment would come from my sister. It’s such a sad and horrible feeling. I almost feel like it’s a slap in the face. She asks for my help, I offer her the best opportunity to a better life. To have a good life requires work, effort, things she’s obviously not willing to do. You screw me over once, shame on you. You screw me over twice, shame on me. I won’t allow that again!