#2 Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complain about you leaving it down.
#3 Quit putting the toilet paper roll on backwards.
#4 Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing tides. Let it be.
#5 Crying is blackmail.
#6 Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this.
Subtle hints don’t work!
Strong hints don’t work.
Obvious hints don’t work!
Just say it!
#7 Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
#8 Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
#9 Anything we said 6 monthes ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comemnts become null and void after 7 days.
#10 If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
#11 If something we said can be interpretted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
#12 You can ask us to do something, but don’t tell us how to do it. If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.
#13 Whenever possible, please say whatever it is you have say during a commercial.
#14 Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
#15 All men see in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach and pumpkin for example are fruits. We have no idea what mauve is.
#16 If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
#17 If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you’re lying, but it is not worth the hassle.
#18 If you ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer too, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
#19 Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you’re prepared to discuss such topics as fishing, hunting, hockey, football, snowmobiling or baseball.
#20 You have enough clothes.
#21 You have too many shoes.
#22 I am in shape. Round IS a shape.
#23 Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know we really don’t mind? It’s like camping.