Man Rules

 

#1   Men are NOT mind readers.gyno    

#2  Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complain about you leaving it down.

#3  Quit putting the toilet paper roll on backwards.

#4  Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing tides. Let it be.

#5  Crying is blackmail.

#6  Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this.
Subtle hints don’t work!
Strong hints don’t work.
Obvious hints don’t work!
Just say it!

#7  Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

#8  Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

#9  Anything we said 6 monthes ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comemnts become null and void after 7 days.

#10  If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

#11  If something we said can be interpretted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

#12  You can ask us to do something, but don’t tell us how to do it. If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.

#13  Whenever possible, please say whatever it is you have say during a commercial.

#14  Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

#15  All men see in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach and pumpkin for example are fruits. We have no idea what mauve is.

#16  If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

#17  If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you’re lying, but it is not worth the hassle.

#18  If you ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer too, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

#19  Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you’re prepared to discuss such topics as fishing, hunting, hockey, football, snowmobiling or baseball.

#20  You have enough clothes.

#21  You have too many shoes.

#22  I am in shape. Round IS a shape.

#23  Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know we really don’t mind? It’s like camping.

 

 

 

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18 Responses to Man Rules

  1. javajunkee says:

    ROFLMAO..that was funny..now where are the womens rules?

  2. Joy says:

    You make em up Java and I’ll put them here.

  3. javajunkee says:

    LOL ok but you gotta give me a day or two..I need to go to bed or I’d start working on them now. I’ll get them to you though.

  4. javajunkee says:

    LOL you knew I would have to at least start this…and I will probably revamp it..now I have GOT to go to bed 🙂 This is gonna be fun and if anybody else wants to chime in please feel free.

    Women’s Rules

    #1 We are your wives not your mamas! Cry yourself a river..build a bridge and get over it.

    #2 Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big boy. If it’s up, put it down. We need it down! THE END!

    #3 See that roll of toilet paper..we don’t care which way it rolls as long as your lazy ass puts a new one on the roller. You don’t seem to have trouble opening a beer.

    #4 Sunday sports. Wanna watch them? Get your list done on Saturday..or catch the sportscast at 10pm Sunday night.

    #5 Crying is blackmail and hitting you with a ballbat is probably assault but believe me when I say we haven’t crossed it off the list!

    #6 Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this.
    You probably still won’t get it.
    Ignoring us will only make it longer until you do get it.
    Calling your mama to whine about it…NEVER gonna get it again.
    Just get over it.

    #7 Yes dear is a perfectly acceptable answer to almost every question. We’ll tell you when we need more input from you.

    #8 Come to us with a problem only if you want to hear us call you a big baby. Otherwise do like we do and fix them yourselves. Have a beer with the guys and a good man cry later!

    #9 Anything we said 6 monthes ago is still gonna hold true as long as it’s in our best interest. If not we will deny saying it. We are the smarter of the sexes.

    #10 When you are fat we won’t have a problem letting you know…or putting your ass on a diet.

    #11 If something we said can be interpretted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, we really don’t care.

    #12 You can ask us to do something but we will probably have more excuses than Bill Gates has money as to why we aren’t going to do it.

    #13 Whenever possible, please say whatever it is you have to say when you are asked to say it.

    #14 Christopher Columbus was a male just like you ..keep acting like that and you will be just like he is now.

    #15 Women don’t care much about what kind of tools you have as long as when we need something fixed you know which one to use and do it when we tell you to.

    #16 If it itches, take it to the back room. You gross us out and then want us to have sex…are you serious?

    #17 If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,”…it won’t matter — we really didn’t care

  5. javajunkee says:

    here are the rest …..

    #18 If you are going to ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer to…don’t ask it. Turn back now.

    #19 Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you’re prepared to discuss such topics as why you didn’t take out the trash, why you can’t pick up the beer bottle
    and throw it in the trash. It was heavier carrying it to the living room full than bringing it back empty!

    #20 You have enough clothes. You look really good in those overalls out mowing the grass.

    #21 You have too many tools. Haven’t seen you use too many of them lately..what’s up with that?

    #22 I am in shape. Keep yacking and see how fast I can chase you down.

    #23 Thank you for reading this. You’ll be notified of any changes after you’ve already messed up.

  6. SanityFound says:

    ROFL I was quoted these by a man and I nearly fell off my chair with laughter…. I mean come on… who they trying to kid huh? Not mind readers? Puleeeez!

  7. Laura (LS) says:

    My response was too long, so I put it on my own blog. Thanks, though…. I’ve been ruminating on responses to these stupid rules for a while now, since the first time this list appeared in my inbox. It was a fun post!

  8. SKL says:

    I have to say that a lot of emotional energy is wasted over the toilet seat. To be honest, I think it is nice of men to put it up on the first place.

    When my kids fight over something too much, I take it away. Would it be better if we had no toilet seats to fight over?

    What would happen to the divorce rate then? It would be an interesting experiment.

    Now the toilet paper – that’s a whole different story. And it isn’t just men who put it on backwards EVERY TIME.

    I have a guy friend (we dated on and off, he’s a really good guy) who is divorced. After his divorce, he spent a lot of time contemplating where the disconnects were in his marriage. He lent me the book “men are from mars, women are from venus” which explains some of the stuff. It’s interesting, if not very well-written. Some of the above “men’s rules” seem to come from that book. (Unfortunately, I think it just convinced my friend that he never wanted to marry again.)

  9. Joy says:

    I read that book SKL and I really liked it. Men and Women really do look at things differently.

  10. psychscribe says:

    This is great, I thoroughly enjoyed it 😉 Actually, i never thought about the fact that men don’t ask us to leave the toilet seat DOWN, now do they?

  11. mssc54 says:

    @Joy:

    24. Stop putting those fuzzy toilet seat covers on the toilet. In the middle of the night it takes way to long to realize that the both seats are down!

  12. Joy says:

    LOL mssc. I abhor those things. It’s just one more thing to clean in the bathroom in my opinion. LOL!

  13. nikki says:

    This really did make me LOL!!! Javavjunkee finished it up pretty well! Joy do you have that book? I’ve always wanted to read it but never have.

  14. Laura (LS) says:

    Heh…. I read my version to Sparky, and he got MAD at me over my responses to those rules!!!!

    Interesting. Very interesting.

  15. Joy says:

    I don’t have it anymore Nikki. I read it years ago. I’ll get it for you if you want me to. It’s a good read and very interesting.

  16. Joy says:

    Nikki, I just ordered it for you. It will come to your house 🙂 Now we expect a “book report!”

  17. nikki says:

    OMG are you serious??? Thank you!!!!!!! I have the best momma EVER!!!!!!

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