How would you feel if after 13 years of knowing one man to be your father, you find out he may not be? This is what happened to my sister. It wasn’t long after I had learned that I had 2 more sisters that we found this out. They lived in Montana with their mom and I never knew anything about them until I was like 11 or 12. I’m not sure why their mother did this. I’m not in her shoes and can’t judge. Everyone handles situations different. Would I have done the same? No, but that’s besides the point.
My father didn’t have much of a relationship with any of his daughters. He liked his women and alcohol, those things don’t go well with children in the picture. He was married a total of 5 times, heavily drank and smoked and died in 2000 at the age of 49. When he was told of this pretty important news he didn’t even bother calling her. I had only met her once, when I found out. It was still a couple years until I moved to Montana and developed a sister relationship with her. I recall telling her many times that I didn’t care who her biological father was. She was my sister by heart. It had been roughly 3 years after we found out that I moved there. The more I got to know her the more I realize how much this had really messed her up. I was dealing with my own crap, trying to fit in, in a place that was close to impossible to fit into. A very small town, a very small school. I believe there were maybe 30 students in my Sophomore class.
We tried, I tried, to have a decent relationship with her. She made my time there miserable. She was miserable. Her life had turned upside down, she didn’t and couldn’t trust her mom. Her mother couldn’t give her a straight answer to who her real dad was. She didn’t know what kind of relationship she wanted or even deserved with me. She became a compulsive liar, made up stories to hurt people. I have never fought with one person more than I did with her. It was almost as if she hated me because I was his daughter and she didn’t know whose daughter she was. As if being my fathers daughter was something special. It was a couple more years until her mom came up with a name of a man that was most likely he father. She found him and to this day she tries and he doesn’t respond.
I get it now. She felt just as left out as I did but in a much bigger proportion. I didn’t see the big picture when I was 16. I just saw a mean girl who wanted to make my life miserable. Now that I’m older and wiser (haha funny I know) I look back and everything makes sense. How would I have dealt with it? If my mom came to me at 13 years old and told me that the only father I had ever known, that I shared with 3 other sisters, wasn’t my biological dad? That’s something I can’t imagine. There still has never been a DNA test. Her and my other sisters talk about it but I’m not sure it’ll ever happen. After all these years of her not knowing, I think she’s scared to really know. I’m not even sure if I want to know! I stand by what I told her in the very beginning, she is my sister no matter what. Now that we’re older we are close and don’t like to talk about our past together, it’s just full of hurt and bad memories. We have our future to look forward to now. I have a different kind of relationship and love with each one of my sisters. They are the sisters that were given to me and I wouldn’t change them for anything in the world. Maybe their behaviors but I’m not Superwomen ya know!