Is it to late to say I’m sorry?

all-pics-0591MOM,   It never dawned on me until I was in the shower the other night thinking to myself “Bailey will never understand the amount of love Nicole and I have for him until he has a child of his own.”

What did I just say?

Holy shit.

Mom, I’m sorry!!!!

I don’t even really know where to start. I never meant I hated you. I never meant I wished I didn’t live there. How were those attitudes so easy to get thrown on you? I wish I could go back and change some things but I can’t. I don’t know how hard it would have been to move to another state so young and be on my own. How could you deal with being such a young mother so far from home? How in the world could you decide being a single mother would turn out in better in the long run? I look at Nicole and don’t think I could do this parenting thing with out her. Sending Bailey to the Learning Tree for the day while I go to work for probably minimum wage in a dirty ass warehouse. I don’t remember everything but enough to know, we, YOU, didn’t have it easy. You were in charge. How was my, OUR lives going to turn out? Growing up I know I got more difficult with age. Why? I don’t know. Looking back it tears me up.

Precious moment figurine hitting the ground in anger

13 year old all stars…….Nebraska……… pizza.

Not coming home after school……… junior high I think

Every function in Canada………Softball reunion in particular…….10th grade………laundry

Every family vacation…………..Lutsen in particular here…….Chateau Leveau……..11th grade

Staying at Tims house for a week……senior year…..making you call Tims mom……embarrassing

I don’t know why or how I could/can defend you so easily but be the first to hurt you. If you know anything about a boy or a man when in trouble, hurt or just scarred shitless, there’s only one person we call or want. I’m so glad you were/are such a stronger person then I gave you credit for. That you cared enough to put up with my terrible teens.


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19 Responses to Is it to late to say I’m sorry?

  1. Joy says:

    Wow Jason. I’m just speechless. Why did you write this? Where did it come from?? First of all, it’s never to late to say your sorry but you don’t have to. You were just a kid. You did try my patience many times (and I’m sure I tried yours too) but you had a tough time emotionally. I always knew you’d come around and I was willing to wait it out. I’m sure glad I did.

    People just go through things and I knew I did what I had to do. Parenting doesn’t come with any instructions and I had no clue what to do. If I could go back I’d do a few things differently too. But look how far everyone we’ve all come.

    I’m happier than I can say that you wrote this. When I saw it in there last night I was just thrilled. Not that you said you were sorry but that you cared and you thought about it and that you wrote something after all this time.

    That you wrote this means more to me than you know. That you were man enough to do it in this public venue, really touches me and I’m grateful and thankful that you cared enough to do so. Thank you so much. I love you very, VERY much.

    Does this mean your back to writing posts?????

    SKID 🙂

  2. Doraz says:

    All I can say is, the two of you are very fortunate to have one another! How precious! I was also touched with your honesty. Thank you for sharing with us. Have fun with that family of yours!

  3. SKL says:

    Sweet! We all gave our parents a run for their money. Hopefully they didn’t take most of our immature words too seriously.

    My mom (after raising 6 “brats”) observed to me: “In the Bible, it says, ‘raise up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.’ It does NOT say ‘when he is a teen or young adult, he will not depart from it.’ ” I hope to always remember this as my kids go through their inevitably “terrible teens.”

  4. SanityFound says:

    Oh wows, Jason… it takes a certain type of person who is able to see these types of things not just write about it, it speaks more than you could ever imagine of you as a parent and you as a human being and that alone makes me grateful (this really odd stranger) that you are in the world.

    Joy, little parts of you keep coming out that make me sit in speechlessness and fill me with warmth for the person whom I call a friend and hold close to my heart, you. You chickiedee (I stole it from you, its such a cool word) are amazing.

    You both are blessed as is Toby and the rest of the family for having you two in the fold and it gives me more hope than you can imagine.

    Thank you for this, it has brought a smile to my face right at the start of the day and will stay with me for a very very long time.

  5. nikki says:

    I asked Jason the same thing, are you going to start writing again? He said, no but that this had to be done. I may be able to coax him into doing more. 🙂
    Jason is such a thoughtful man, it’s too bad not everyone gets to see that all the time. Having a son himself and with Bailey getting older he is starting to push his boundaries as with most kids. Now he feels bad, that’s normal. You start seeing your son do the same things you did and it makes you realize how good you really had it. I have a small post coming about that very thing. Sometimes we just need a small reminder of how well we have it and how bad it could be.
    You did an amazing job!!! I mean look at him. He’s successful, he’s a wonderful dad and caring husband. He loves him mom more than life itself and would go to the ends of the earth for you. It’s times like these that I’m grateful Bailey is much like his dad.

  6. pammy says:

    First,that is such an awesome picture of momma and son.Love it.Joy,thats how I remember you as a young mom.You did a great job with your boys,being so young too.You had to grow up fast,and learning as you went along.Being a single mom is hard.I was there too.But its also very rewarding.Jason you are a awesome guy to say what you did,a real man in my books.Your mom and you persevered threw the teenage years,and look were you are now.Life only gets better.I have apologized for my short comings as a mom to my sons,as they have also.Its a great feeling to have such a unigue and close bond with a child.You are an awesome son Jason and your mom is lucky to have you as a son.Cherish life,love life and be happy were you all are now.As a mom,in those trying and sleepless nite,you always love your kids to pieces,and deep down,you kids know that no matter what,MOMs will always be here with open arms and unconditional love.

  7. nikki says:

    You said it perfect Pam!!!! By the way…I LOVE that picture too!!!!

  8. kweenmama says:

    This says a lot about Jason as a man. What a wonderful post! I’m glad you got to see it, Joy.

  9. Sue says:

    I don’t think it’s ever too late to say you’re sorry. I hope everyone knows that you may come off as this big tuff guy who doesn’t cry or let his feelings get in the way, but you’re really nothing but a big softy! You express your feelings so well in writing- I hope Bailey gets that trait. Parenting is hard no matter which way you look at it and we all do our best with what we have. Your mother loves you so much and did a great job raising you.

  10. Joy says:

    Thanks all. I am very blessed.

  11. Amy Hunter says:

    This was one heck of a cool post. 🙂

  12. Gary says:

    Jason…..You have one hell of a mom! Your a lucky man!

    Joy…..You have raised and molded Jason into a GREAT man! Jason writing this and posting for public view is a great view of his character. Nice Job!

  13. Joy says:

    Thanks Amy and Gary. It does make one proud.

  14. Jason says:

    People tell me I can’t say I was wrong. I can, it just never happens so you never hear it. The worst thing I think for a boy or even a grown man is to see his mom cry or hurt. Whether in person or over the phone you can always tell when moms upset. I have a huge problem with being told what I don’t want to hear. Unfortunately for mom she was the first one in line to get most of it. I cant write anymore because it would be another post. And I know how SKL doesn’t like people leaving long comments hahaha. Bottom line is Nobody hurts mom but me. And I’m sorry…………Skid

  15. Joy says:

    Your so funny Jason.


  16. SKL says:

    Jason, you have no idea how much restraint I had to muster to keep my comment as short as it was . . . all for you.

  17. mssc54 says:

    Jason, I hope Nikki realizes what a special guy you are and has given you appropriate rewards!

    I think it’s (parental) nature to realize how much more intelligence our parents have as we ourselves become parents.

    However, if you live long enough the curve begins to go the other way. haha

    At the age of 17 I went into the Navy. We were from Mississippi and never went anywhere. So I was thrilled to go to Disney on our weekend leave.

    As I stood on Main Street (in Disney) I looked across the street and there stood my mom and next door neighbor! Gosh we hugged and cried like we hadn’t seen each other for years.

    Mom had gone with our neighbor to visit the neighbor’s kids in St. Petersburg, FL and decided to go to Disney the very exact day/time I was there.

    Like Jason I too had an epipheny during boot camp and wrote my mom a letter. After we finished hugging my mom opened her purse and pulled out the TWENTY-THREE PAGE LETTER I had written her. I’m told she carried that letter in her purse for years.

    I don’t think (most) mom’s get the credit they have earned or deserve.

  18. Tessa says:

    Jason, you are a sweetheart and a softy at heart like Eric. I think most of us look back at our teenage days and realize the worries and pain we put our parents through! I wrote my mom a letter too and several cards thanking her which brought her to tears!! So important to live and learn and forgive loved ones.

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