I think this is such an interesting topic. Do you think opposites really attract or do you believe “birds of a feather flock together?” You can read a little more about it here if you want to.
My personal opinion is that I can’t see how it can work in the long run. It may be fun to date someone who is the opposite of you but how can last over time? If you are as opposite as black to white, how can that really survive the test of time? If you are constantly locking horns over every issue, how can that not lead to a lot of fighting and arguing? IF in truth we are talking “total opposites” that is.
How would you ever decide anything? What to eat, where to go, what to do? There would be arguments over a lot of things I would imagine. It would be one thing to have different interests but interests are different than not agreeing on the basics of life. Things like politics and religion, that would be so hard. Wouldn’t fighting be normal if you lived like that? I’ll tell you one thing, I couldn’t live with fighting all the time. That isn’t normal in my book. I hate fighting.
Maybe this just means that some things are opposite but not totally. Some women hate sports and most men love them. A lot of men and women don’t like the same movies or music but those things in a relationship are more of a give and take kind of deal. Nobody likes all the same things as someone else. When I first met Paul he was a dire hard sports fan. Vikings more than anything and I didn’t even know what a first down was and I thought, I can either learn the game or be alone every Sunday and Monday night. So I learned the game and LOVE it now. I like music, him, not so much but what I’m getting at is you have to compromise but if your totally opposite, would you even try to do that?
Basically, Paul and I like a lot of the same things. Day to day things. We agree politically, morally and the actives such as fishing, bowling, swimming and boating, we both really like. We tend to like most of the same television shows and movies. So, he slept through Sweet Home Alabama but who’s counting! We agreed how we wanted to raise our kids and how we wanted to live our lives. If you don’t enjoy the same things, do you just do all those things alone? I’m kind of wondering how anyone could want that kind of marriage or relationship.
Have you been in, or are in, an “opposites attract” relationship? Or do you need a lot in common in a relationship? What do you think?
SIDE-NOTE: If your in a relationship and are HOPING to change someone, they DON’T.
I think opposites attract because it’s something you’re not use to and it’s exciting. I happen to think Toby and I are very different. Yeah, we like some of the same things, but he’s completely opposite of myself in a lot of ways. I like to think my marriage is going to work and it makes me really sad to think otherwise. Marriage is all about two people working together whether they are opposite or not. Everyone butts heads sometimes and unless you grow up exactly the same way (and who does?) you will each have your own views.
I think it depends on what is “opposite.” I believe in the “yin and yang.” That’s how we are designed, both physically and emotionally. No couple fits perfectly into that mold, but a successful couple will have some areas where they complement each other rather than mirror each other. Otherwise, what is the benefit of the relationship? I don’t need to be with someone who has nothing to offer other than what I already have.
On the other hand, I do believe you can’t be diametrically opposed on the principles that are really important to you. I don’t think I could be with someone dishonest or otherwise untrustworthy, for example; or who didn’t respect my family. I am not sure about politics. I am a staunch conservative, but I’ve never had to live with a liberal, so I don’t know if we’d kill each other or not. (I might let him pay my taxes to keep him happy.) I have strong views on childrearing, and I’m often glad I don’t have to agree with anyone about that. As for travel and entertainment, I much prefer country to city and I’m a complete dud when it comes to social gatherings; but presumably I wouldn’t get to the second date with someone who had a big problem with that.
Heh heh, that reminds me of myself 20 years ago. Every time I went on a first date, something compelled me to tell the guy that I wanted at least 6 kids, hated dancing, etc. Needless to say, I had very few second dates.
I used to think so, there is something to be said about the fire that happens but alas I changed and the person I grew into didn’t like the opposite I was with anymore, morally or for any other reason – opposites from experience are great for flings but not long term 😦
I think that there needs to be a healthy balance between opposite and same in a relationship. I agree that if there is nothing but opposites, it won’t work in the long run. But, I doubt it will work in the long run if both people are exactly the same. You need those little differences to shake things up.
Megan, I would have to agree with what you said! The same gets boring, and different gets old!! Balancing the two, that is the answer. Give and take is important, depending on the subject at hand. You got to learn to work it!! LOL
I think you do need some healthy balance, I wouldn’t want Jason to be completely opposite of me, that would get old, never agreeing on anything!! Obviously you need to be your own person but Jason and I are a lot a like. We both love being home and spending time with our family, we generally like the same music and TV. We both love sports but like Joy I had to learn the game of football and learn to love it or be alone!! I learned to love!! We differ some of raising Bailey but normally comprise. I think that has to do with the fact we were raised so incredibly different. I think if Jason and I were opposite of each other we wouldn’t spend as much time together. Our personalities are quite different but our likes and dislikes are pretty similar.
I agree with Megan as well! I think a “healthy balance” is the perfect situation. Liking ALL of the same things would start to get boring to me anyway and would begin to start problems. On the other hand, having NOTHING in comon would cause a lot of issues long term as well.
I agree with Megan I think the little differences make it work.
Hubby and I used to have alot more in common than we do now. I grew up and matured after having kids and having the responsibilities that go with them. He for the most part didnt and still does what he has always done. We’ve grown to be big time opposites. There are alot of things we completely disagree on and it does cause fights and us to butt heads big time. Will we survive? Time will tell..
Eric and I are opposites! But I love it. We both love the challenge. We love good debates. We love learning new things. So it works for us. We learn to like what the other does, and I’ve seen us become more alike over the past few years! It is scary, we’ve started doing many things like the other and in the beginning it was night and day! We love our differences-part of why we fell in love!
Sue is totally right on. Just making sure you agree on how to raise children and basic morals. That is what is most important and we do very much.
Yin and Yang- it is true! You always see a little of yourself in the other person who is opposite you. And he makes me want to become a better person-makes me strive for the qualities he has but I don’t. Hopefully, vise versa!