Hurting people we don’t even know


I am sitting here today with a blogging hangover.  I did something yesterday and got involved with something that I’m very ashamed of.  Some of you know where I went and some of you know who I’m talking about.  But for those of you who don’t, I want to keep it that way as to not give them any more attention.

I’m left wondering today, why we do this to one another as human beings.

I’ll put it in a nutshell.  I had gone to this site because I’d like to teach my granddaughter a little more about cooking this summer.  She tends to get bored and she’s shown an interest in helping me more and more with it.  I wanted to get us matching aprons and I’d seen them at this site and and wanted to look at them better.  I go there and there is this HUGE WAR going on about spanking.  I wasn’t about to get into that one when it was already going on just nifty without me adding my two cents but I couldn’t resist reading about it.  Then the writer goes on to write another post hoping to get right back into it and earn herself more comments.  I think it’s all about the comments on this site and those who get more have more control over they they get to write about.

Okay, I was fine with that but then I read where this writer is pointing out certain people by name and calling them names.  That’s when my dander got up because we all have our rights.  Our opinions matter to us.  So, I got into the whole dang thing and let me tell you, I BLEW UP!  I hadn’t made a comment there in a really long time and I missed going there a lot and that’s really why I started blogging on my own,  I missed the human contact.  I didn’t get blasted as much as I thought I would by her and her cronies.  You see, she has a very popular personal blog and all her friends bled into this site with her.  That is really why I left.  I didn’t agree with them most of the time and felt…well…what can I say, I felt bullied.  No matter what this person says, they all laugh at her and rush to her side NO MATTER WHAT.

So, now I sat at the stupid computer all day watching for comments that are sure to tear me apart.  I was ready.  I knew I wasn’t going to make any more comments to add to the ones she wanted so bad, so the one made, I made really count.

But, I sit here today and don’t feel good about it.  What is it that makes us behave this way?  I am a pretty rational person and live a life that’s pretty much on the up and up.  I would never walk up to someone and hurt them in real life so why, why did I do it on-line?  I have never as much as slapped anyone.  I’ve never been in fisticuffs with anyone.  Do we feel braver because nobody really knows us?

I guess the bottom line with me was that she was saying really nasty things about someone else’s personal choices and she was making them feel foolish for things she’s admitted to doing in the past and I felt it was unfair

I think maybe I should learn to keep my big fat trap shut because I don’t like myself for getting involved and doing that

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19 Responses to Hurting people we don’t even know

  1. spookwright says:

    well said.

  2. mssc54 says:

    Well when we recognise that we’ve done something that we feel is improper it’s a good thing… ultimately.

  3. starlaschat says:

    Aw Joy, I remember not so long ago one of the only snarky comments I made was on your blogg :+). I felt so bad about it I thought about it all day. I realized that the post you had made was some simple family ranting. But for some reason it hit all my buttons. Who new I had unresolved issues.LOL So I apologized and realized in that situation it was more about me then you. I’m glad I did because I Love your Blog and your friends, are really polite and I really like that. I realize that my heated anger with my own issue was really melting hurt. So something I’m still trying to address with my own self. Ain’t life grand. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you have issue… oh man I was just saying, I did. See how complicated commenting can be.LOL

    • pammy says:

      I agree with all you said.People can be rude,and sometimes its just who they are.I think the great thing is when we realize we have been rude and feel bad.I catch myself and I also apologize and try better next time.That is called growing in life.Now those who are rude over and over and feel they have done no wrong,they have a big problem.I am not perfect.And i can have bad days,but I try to treat people as I would like to be treated.I find that some people hear only themselves,and if you dont agree with what they are saying,they put you down.Its so hard at times dealing with someone like that and very frustrating.

  4. Sue says:

    I think it is easier to comment online how you really feel because you are “unknown”. You said everyone has their opinion and that’s something ALL of us have to keep in mind no matter who’s sight we’re at. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion whether it agrees with you or not.

  5. San says:

    As you know huns I have been involved in a few of these and ultimately knowing you – you jumped in because of the injustice, you are a protector and that is who you are – well from what I know.

    Sometimes we see it going on and it isn’t felt so deeply by us, sometimes it just gets too much and we find ourselves wanting to put a stop to it.

    You did good standing up and putting your foot down and the fact that you you didn’t like it says more about you than any other words could.

    You are a diamond amongst rough gem stones, one in a million and so glad I know you – you give me hope in humans.

  6. Doraz says:

    Joy, whatever happened..happened. I am not aware of anything, so I can not comment. Sorry you had a bad experience.

  7. Doraz says:

    Thanks for the heads up, Joy!!

  8. Joy, I think I know why we can do this online – because it feels more distant. When we write comments online, we don’t always think about the real people who are reading that comment, and we definitely don’t think about consequences as readily, because who’s going to know who you really are, right? They’re not going to find out where you live, they’re not going to know your family members. They’re far far away – or so it feels.
    I know how you feel about it not feeling good after the fact and about how you feel bullied – but you were expressing your opinion, and you had every right to do that on a public forum like you did. You’ve the right to your own opinion and you’ve the right to voice that opinion when you deem it important and necessary. I know it’s not as simple as this but- don’t beat yourself up about it too much, ok?

    • Joy says:

      I’ll try not to Ilana. I did feel bad though. Only because I let myself get into it in the first place. No self control. I hate that.

  9. SKL says:


    You know exactly what I think about this. You were only jumping in to defend another person who was being attacked, not to be an attacker.

    And your comment was much nicer than a lot of the other comments on both sides of the argument! (Mine included!)

    I have followed that blogger for the past year or so, and there have been many instances of this that you weren’t involved in at all. She has a tendency to push other people’s buttons, but when it happens to her, she can’t take it and strikes back with disproportionate venom. I have called her out on this a couple of times on her own blog. Only when she uses it as a forum to encourage nasty comments from her followers. I will post a brief comment advising her to basically look at herself in the mirror. I must say she may have learned a thing or two, as the last person she attacked in this way actually ended up getting an apology (after a fair amount of hatefulness was spewed).

    I recall studying American history in elementary school. We were taught that the US tried to stay out of the world’s skirmishes in the early part of the 20th century, but we got dragged into the violence anyway, so maybe it’s just not possible to avoid getting hurt even if you try to stay neutral. Fact is, people on that blog were saying things that would hurt anyone who ever spanked and happened to read that blog. A lot of people out there just don’t care whom they hurt. On top of that, a lot of articles on that blog seem designed specifically to draw that type of comment, so most posters figure it is fair game. So, you were probably one of very few posters who actually cared how they came across on that blog. It’s not that what you did was “wrong,” more that it wasn’t “you.” The toxic bloggers momentarily got the better of you.

    To your question, why do people write things on blogs that they wouldn’t say to anyone’s face? I think it’s because some blogs are set up to basically invite that. People think that’s what they are supposed to do on those blogs. Myself, I am on various sites each day, and my demeanor changes based on which blog I’m on. And also, based on the tone of the blog article or comments. So, the blog owner sets the tone for the most part, in my opinion.

  10. allison says:

    You know, Joy, it is only natural that we do as you did. Don’t knock yourself for it. You were not spewing garbage, but rather cleaning up, or at least trying to clean it up. Defending someone is always an A+ in my book. If there were more people like you who stood up and said something when it involved hurting another human being, then maybe there would be less people like that one over at the blog you mentioned.

    Suffice it to say, that I believe with all my heart you did the right thing. I do it all the time. I used to feel badly about the way I would behave, but then reason took over and now I never look back whenever I let it rip (for the right cause).

  11. Joy: The obscurity of blogging at times I think is what makes it feel “safer” to comment, or to say more directly what we might otherwise. Others being attacked is not something I believe that you would stand for, as San said. You are a defender and a true friend, and to stand by and watch something so negative is something I would not be able to take either. Human emotion is so intense at times, we always have control even when we feel like we don’t, and knowing that is what frustrates me at times about the actions of others. You are a good person and I truly believe in that…… sending you a big hug!!! V.

  12. Joy says:

    *hugs* to you V. Thanks.

  13. Morocco says:

    I really stay away from blogs that attack. It’s not worth my time or the break in my equilibrium to frequent spots that are overly negative, angry, and one-sided. I welcome any differing opinions on my blog as they force me to grow and view situations from varying perspectives. It is okay to agree to disagree, but not to tear people apart because they don’t. I find that a lot on some of the stepmom blogs I used to visit so I simply stopped going and/or deleted them from my blogroll.

    Joy, I really love reading your blog. It is a little ray of light in my day! During my break at work, this is the first blog I visit to give myself a little pep!

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