The wisdom of Larry the cable guy……

 

larry-the-cable-guy
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
 
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
 
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
 
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
 
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
 
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
 
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
 
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
 
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
 
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
 
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
 
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
 
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
 
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
 
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
 
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
 
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
 
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
 
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
 
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
 
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’
 
22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
 
23. Light travels faster than sound.  That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 
24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
 
                                                                          
 
 
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10 Responses to The wisdom of Larry the cable guy……

  1. JavaQueen says:

    I never saw these before but hey are HILARIOUS, especially, “He who laughs last, thinks slowest” and “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm” both describe me- LOL *snort* I enjoyed reading these and the guy “Larry” looks like my co-worker! He’s cute, huh? But then he talks w/ his slow country twang and loses me…. LOL!

  2. javajunkee says:

    don’tcha just love him???

  3. starlaschat says:

    Funny List! So that means I’m slow because I laugh last. I’ll have to think about that one and laugh in awhile.;=)

  4. nikki says:

    I would love to see him live!!! He’s freakin hilarious!

  5. OMG HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Forgive my enthusiasm, but some of these are HILARIOUS, Joy! Thanks for giving me a laugh, I really needed one tonight ^_^. I knew some of these, but most I didn’t, so I definitely got a kick out of this :).

  6. kweenmama says:

    Ha! There is so much truth to the jalapeno one! 🙂

  7. Doraz says:

    He is one smart guy!
    LOVE IT!
    Thanks!
    🙂

  8. RandallC says:

    If Larry the Cable Guy is taking credit for these (doubtful) then he is a thief! Many of these came from one of my favorite comedians, Stephen Wright, who was famous for his wry and often distorted observations back in the 70s and 80s.

    At least one – “A day without sunshine is like night” – came from Steve Martin.

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