How do you behave?

blogging101I need to talk honestly to you all.  I really need and want to know what kind of blogging etiquette there is and what you follow?  We’ve had a squabble on here over a stupid joke.  This has happened to me one other time and it was the same thing, over a joke with a woman who I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt for the world.  But I did and I apologized and through emails, she did say she was feeling insecure and like everyone was talking about her but come on, I don’t know her.  I know nothing about her just like I know only the things about you that you tell us.  How could I know things like this?  She turned it into “her” and it wasn’t about “her.”

I guess really, I’m getting tired of being a referee and tired of the same old arguments with the same people involved over and over. I have the same types of people in my real life and I don’t see most of them unless I have to.  You know the kind I’m sure.  The ones who are self centered and only want to draw everything back to them.  No matter what you say, they know someone who did it better or had it nicer.  

Then there are the arguers.  The ones that no matter what anyone says, they want to argue.  You can even agree with them and not mean it just to avoid the whole scene and wouldn’t you know, they changed their minds and now disagree with what you said even though yesterday, this is what they told you.  

Or you have the person who’s a reformed smoker or drinker who can’t stand anyone having a social drink or smoking a cigarette like they’ve lived their whole life like Mother Theresa.  How can you win with a person like this?  There really is no winning because these kind of people just must not be happy and that’s why they want to make everyone else suffer.  You know the kind of tension there is in a room with a person who’s like this and it’s FROSTY.

Then you have the sarcastic ones.  The snarky smart alacks who make a joke out of everything or just act flip all the time.  Then the one time it’s is a joke and everyone is fooling around and having fun, then they’re serious.

I’ve gone to many, MANY commercial blogs.  They tend to get really nasty at times.  They do tend to have the highly volatile subjects that turn your everyday nice guy into the wicked witch of the west.  They bait everyone with circumcision, breast feeding vs bottle, stay at home moms vs working moms, public schools vs private schools and all kinds of subjects like these.  I honestly feel these types of blogs bait us.  They want the hits so they post these kinds of posts to get you to keep coming back and to get people to fight so the comments go through the roof.

But on a personal blog, like ours, I almost feel like it’s our home.  If you went into someones home would you tell them their furniture is ugly or you hated the music they were playing?  Would you be totally rude or would you act polite? I’m not talking about lying. I’m talking about being kind to someone in the privacy of their own home.  Don’t you feel like your blog is yours and you can write about things that you want and expect not everyone to agree with you but to be kind about it?

I just can’t understand how anyone can take a joke and turn it into a war.  Here is the definition of joke.Main Entry: 1joke 
Pronunciation: 'jOk
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin jocus; perhaps akin to Old High German gehan to say, Sanskrit yAcati he asks
1 a : something said or done to provoke laughter; especially : a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist (1) : the humorous or ridiculous element in something (2) : an instance of jesting :KIDDING <can’t take a jokec PRACTICAL JOKE d LAUGHINGSTOCK
2 : something not to be taken seriously : a trifling matter <consider his skiing a joke — Harold Callender> — often used in negative constructions <it is no joke to be lost in the desert>

I seriously considered taking the jokes off our blog but I’ve talked to a few people who’ve sat me down and said “it’s your blog, do what YOU want to do.”  I do like having a joke and I think most of us need a chuckle sometimes.  If I’m at someones blog and I don’t think something is funny, I just don’t comment.  Likewise, if it’s a subject that I either don’t know what to say, or really don’t have anything worthwhile to say.  I will give my opinion if it’s asked for or if it’s like our blog, answer, or try to, the post that’s there that day but jokes are just jokes.  They aren’t intended to hurt anyone and really, if you don’t appreciate that kind of humor, why would you make a big deal out of it?  

I guess to me, it’s like this.  There are millions of blogs.  Why go to the ones that bother you and you never seem happy or you always disagree with everyone there?  Why torment yourself?  I know my blog tastes change and a lot of the blogs I used to go to, I don’t go to anymore for one reason or the other.  Either my tastes changed or writing styles changed or people just seem to change sometimes but I’ve never been rude about it nor was I ever rude to the blogger.  I just kind of disappeared.  Face it, people come and go sometimes.

I guess the bottom line is, if you don’t like our jokes, TOUGH.  This is our blog and we plan to do what we want to do and what makes us happy.  Jokes aren’t intended to be taken seriously nor are they intended to be torn apart and analyzed.  If you don’t care for one, please just take them for what they are, jokes.

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30 Responses to How do you behave?

  1. DM says:

    I treat people on the internet the same way I would treat them if I were standing next to them in person. I loved your analogy..would you go into someone’s home and say something rude? No, unless you’re really really tacky. I like your blog style…you guys are real, I never sense any mind games coming from you and I appreciate that. dm

  2. pammy wammy says:

    I love your blog Joy.I look forward to coming here everyday.I love ALL your Jokes,question of the day and always your thought for the day.You are an awesome writer.I feel like I am sitting at your table with a cup of coffee and chatting.I love my time with you on here.And I enjoy reading others comments.We are all so different and yet all so unigue.I respect others opinions.And at times I can learn something new.I learn more than if I went to sit in a coffee shop.You do an awesome job,and i feel as if i am getting to know you all over again.I admire you for the great job you do on here.CHEERS to you.Love you bunches.:) keep up the good work 🙂 🙂

  3. SKL says:

    I agree, Joy. You can’t please everyone, and that’s not what your blog is for. You and your team continue to do an amazing job, keeping the blog interesting and fun for many people. I really like the atmosphere here – welcoming different ideas yet maintaining a friendly tone.

    Your analogy makes me chuckle, because I recall my late Granny’s knick-knack shelf. It included some figurines that were basically 3-D off-color jokes. I am sure not everyone enjoyed looking at them, yet I’m equally sure that nobody would presume to her off about them. Or if they did, they were out on their ear pretty quick.

    There’s a time to cry and a time to laugh. Folks need to lighten up.

  4. JavaQueen says:

    I am much the same in the case that if I visit anyone’s blog (even a good friends), if I don’t like what they wrote, don’t agree, or don’t find it humorous, I would simply NOT comment. We all do not have the same sense of humor, we all have different likes and dislikes but it’s NOT my blog so who the fuck am I to criticize?

    I’d suggest clicking on the “delete” button for anyone who just doesn’t “get it” – why let that person ruin your mood toward something that you love doing so much?

    One of my sister is a natural born “arguer” and let me tell ya, I fixed that problem by strictly limiting my contact with her and ever since life has been smooth sailing when it comes to her. Those kind of people just suck the life out of you. I say, “delete, delete, delete” because it is your place. Nobody will ever see their stupid ass comments- then, if it continues, I’d block them in my settings. I’ve done it before. It’s my place when all is said and done. Same with yours 🙂

    • DM says:

      Java Queen…I agree…I have deleted comments on my blog that come in (usually first timers w/ an attitude)

      If you can’t talk nice, then I will NOT give you a platform to spew your poison.

      As someone said to me last year, the way we treat strangers on the internet says a lot about the type of person we are.

    • Joy says:

      You know JQ and DM, I never delete comments unless they are spam comments that somehow made it through. I’ve always kind of felt everyone has a right to their say. I have set my user settings though now and I felt I had no other choice. I guess though, I don’t write a lot of “personal” stuff. I put a lot of stuff here to be discussed by all of us and while I don’t ever feel anyone is wrong in their own opinions, I don’t get why people attack jokes OR think they are about them or why they want to analyze them. They are what they are, jokes.

      One more thing I don’t get which is very irritating is how some people can take the subject and completely turn it around to something that it’s not.

      I truly appreciate your support. More than I can say. I was scared to post this last night.

  5. Laura (LS) says:

    I will be the first to admit to some of the characteristics that you mentioned. I visit that “other” blog because I enjoy the controversy, even though, sometimes it makes my head explode. But then it’s a ‘public’ blog – run by a corporation (as opposed to this one, run by three lovely ladies). I’m stubborn and sometimes try to have the last word, even though it’s akin to beating a dead horse. And I’ve caught myself playing the “oh, yeah? Well listen to THIS…” game. Although I am getting much better at reining myself in – it’s taken nearly 40 years for me to start getting it into my head that not everything is about me. Life is sometimes humbling that way.

    But I have to agree with your last paragraph. If a reader doesn’t like something posted, *especially* if it’s a joke, move on. Or leave a comment: “ooh, that’s bad”, or “yikes, that’s getting close to the edge”, or something, and then just leave it. Accept that others have opinions different from yours, and their opinion is as likely to change as yours is – meaning never. People need to practice the “tolerance” that they are so fond of throwing at everyone else.

    I love this spot, Joy. You, Nikki and Sue have opened your ‘home’, and made us friends. Friends disagree, it’s a fact of life. But, friends also know how to disagree – even argue – stick to the facts, and walk away friends at the end. They also know when to agree to disagree. So keep on doing what you’re doing, and delete those who would disrespect you in your own home.

  6. You summarized it perfectly with “Why go to the ones that bother you . . .” That’s the key. You don’t like a certain song? Skip it or turn the radio off. Same goes for any television program. We have a choice. Period.

    I’m all for being polite and not being unnecessarily rude. I’d ask the same in treutrn. But political correctness has done more to stifle our culture than Communism did to stifle hope. You can’t open your mouth, or write much of anything without having someone whine about it. I’ve told men before “Have you considered growing a pair?”, and they look at me like I’ve lost my mind. Look, if I didn’t kick you in the nuts, or physically harmed you, then I haven’t hurt you.

    Jokes are meant to relieve tension, to remove us, if only for a couple minutes, from all the other pressing issues that clog our lives. Jokes have an incredibly important role to play in social interaction.

    As another of your readers said, it’s your</b blog, do whatever you want with it. If you sterilize it only to please those who are sterile, then guess what happens?

    Don’t let it eat at you, Joy. We come back because we love your humanity, your forthrightness. We come back because you rock! :^)

  7. Jeez, I really should proofread before hitting Submit!

  8. Doraz says:

    To me, Joy it is all about choices.
    No one is “forced” to visit another person….blog or home!
    A person needs to go with what is comfortable to them.
    Everyone has a right to express themselves.
    If it is a deliberate attempt to hurt…not good.
    If it is just a difference of opinion…such is life!
    I have to admit that sometimes I just stay out of things when I am not comfortable with the dialogue!

  9. nikki says:

    Ok we are not taking jokes off our blog Ma!!! This is OUR blog! I think most of our readers, our friends, would agree that this is a easy go lucky, go with the flow kind of blog. We have had serious posts, and jokes and everyday kind of posts. If people don’t like our blog, which is crazy, then they shouldn’t come here! If all they want to do is argue or disagree for the sake of disagreeing then they should do that somewhere else. And be real, if you want to lie and portray yourself as holier than thou, we just aren’t interested. We don’t care if you disagree with us, or have a debatable opinion, that’s fun. But to make a mountain out of a mole hill gets rather old after awhile. I think commercial blogs are for that right? This is a personal blog with people who genuinely care not just about what we write but our fellow bloggers as well, we consider you all friends. We don’t write a post to see how debatable it can be! Joy doesn’t put up jokes to be taken seriously! It takes all the fun out of it. If we’re constantly ridiculed for what we choose to put on OUR blog…how long do you think we will want to do this??? We have all, well I think we have all at one point wanted to quit, but why??? Why should we let a few people ruin what we love so much, and what Joy puts SO much time and effort into?

  10. kweenmama says:

    If I don’t like what a blogger has said in a particular post, I simply don’t reply to that post. I keep coming back to the blog though, because usually it is just one post that I didn’t have much to say about. YOUR blog is a “joy” to read (hence the reason I sent an award your way). It is your blog and you can post whatever jokes you want.

    BTW, I’m glad you still visit my blog. 🙂

  11. starlaschat says:

    Issues, Everyone has them and sometimes I think peoples buttons get pushed for what ever reason. When a person has an unresolved issue it can easily be aggravated. I really appreciate the fact that this crowed seem to me, to be for the most part really well behaved. I have seen nasty posts other places and I don’t like it, and I find it potentially hurtful who needs that? I agree jokes are jokes. I wonder what joke it was that ruffled someones cackles so much? oh well I guess it really doesn’t matter. In the long run the few squabbles I have had in blog land I try to personally learn something from for myself. In some ways we are all vulnerable, Life is not easy and can at time be terrible unfair and unkind. With this said I think we all need to remember to be kinder to each other. If I had too much crap on my blog it would certainly be tempting to pull the plug. Because in regular life your always having to deal with stuff. Who needs more stuff. Wow, that was a long opinion!

  12. megan says:

    Wow…I seemed to have missed a lot in the day and a half that I didn’t check my RSS feed…

    I am all for open discussion until things get too personally hurtful. Even if someone doesn’t agree with something you’ve written, if they must comment on it, there must be a way to do so without making the author and every other reader uncomfortable. I stand by Thumper’s old adage: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nuthin’ at all.” I know that theory doesn’t work in every situation and for every person, but being a person who avoids conflict and confrontation at all costs, I personally try to stick by it.

    Don’t change anything. As Billy Joel said, “[We] love you just the way you are.”

  13. Just a Mom says:

    It’s your blog and you get to choose what you put on it, period. Sorry but if I come into your house and say “I don’t like those drapes” are you going to change them? Um, no!

    You guys all do an awesome job here! Keep it going and keep it real! 🙂

  14. Aw, Joy, sounds like you’re frustrated at the internet-world today… I can’t say I blame you. I’m in the generation that has basically grown up along with the internet growing and expanding, and I’ve always known that there are some bad things about this cyber-world – people being disrespectful, downright rude, mean, attention seeking, destructive, purposefully hurtful, argument seeking… the list goes on and on.
    And yet, I just want to remind you – this IS your blog and this IS your space, and it’s a place for you to discuss whatever you wish and to express yourself. Remember how wonderful it is to have readers like all the commenters before me and I, readers who appreciate your blog and your writing and opinions. Remember that there are some of us around the cyber-space who agree with you whole-heatedly and would never look for drama and be mean just to be mean and hurtful. Also, I’ll remind you, you have the option of deleting comments here on WordPress – if you ever feel hurt or uncomfortable about a comment, you have every right to delete it. Just like if someone started dropping trash on the floor in your house, you’d have every right to ask them to leave and not come back. This is your place, and I hope you never feel you need to watch what you say.

  15. javajunkee says:

    oh hell it all pisses me off — That’s a JOKE ! 😉

    Ok this is the way I look at it. If a question is asked like as an opinion that’s what I will give. If there is a “like are you an expert” question then I’m probably not going to answer unless I really think I’m an expert. I will be the first to admit there is a certain place I go on the internet just to argue with’s my release. I’m not saying where’s just a local thing here and I love the morons on there who know everything about everything and I just go on to knock them off their pedestal. Ok note what I said…PUBLIC DOMAIN….not someones personal blog. Those are 2 different territories. A public forum actually called opinion is asking for all kinds of thoughts and nobody is going to agree about everything. A personal blog although out in the public is still something that is personal and belongs to somebody.
    I do the same thing everybody else does…if there is something I really dont’ find funny..I know where the red x is and I use it. I don’t need to leave a “that’s not funny in my book” comment. I don’t need to scold somebody for saying something I might take offense to….all I have to do is click the red x.
    Later on I’ll be giving a lesson on clicking the red x! 🙂 That’s another joke

    You guys rock my world…don’t you dare change anything and let these smears who come on here once in awhile be left out as troll food for us regulars! We’ll eat them and spit them out quicker than you can say Bob’s your uncle!

    oh m gosh…if anybody has an uncle named bob I was so not talking to you literally! 🙂

  16. Gary says:

    Like you said Joy, this is YOUR blog so post whatever YOU want. There will ALWAYS be people who don’t like what you have to say or joke about and that’s just life. If you don’t like the posts at a blog, DON’T GO THERE. Why make it difficult?

    I recently found a blog that started to seriously slam gay’s and african american’s. Now I didn’t care for this AT ALL. I didn’t make it difficult though, I just left and never went back.

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