Family Secrets

family treeWho here has secrets? We all do right? Small ones, maybe big ones. Secrets we only tell our loved ones or maybe no one. Family secrets of all kinds have always intrigued me. Not only my own but others. Times now have changed so much, more is acceptable, the world itself has changed. Cheating is no surprise anymore, children out of wedlock is not so uncommon. In the early 20’s being unmarried with children was pretty much unheard of! Times are so different now it’s unreal.

Over the last month my cousin on my dad’s side has been studying genealogy and trying to figure out our family tree. Trying being the figurative word here! Our family is anything but normal or tradition.

When I was a child my dad left us. My mom started to date his cousin and ended up marrying him. I have touched on this subject before, my family is weird! There was this man, old man, always around and everyone called him “Uncle Earl” so I did. When I was around the age of 14 or so, I found out he was my biological grandfather who had disowned my father at a very young age. I was too young to really care to find out details about what happened. And when I did ask no one gave me a straight answer. I still don’t know what happened there. I do know now how I got my last name. My biological grandfather is a “Bush” no jokes, 😉 but I was given the last name “Chadaris.” I always thought that name came from the man who adopted my dad, my grandma’s new husband, Bud. I remember him very little. I never thought to ask questions. So when my cousin recently asked if I wanted to be involved in her findings I jumped at the chance. I had so many questions but my father died 9 years ago and there’s no one else to ask. Her finding not only shocked me but some of it was heart breaking.

My grandmother had my dad and Aunt with “Uncle Earl” divorced him and married some other guy before “Bud.” This is where I got my last name. Apparently this man was an alcoholic and very abusive also. They owned a bar together (go figure!). My grandmother ended up having an affair with a very prominent man in that area. Her husband found out and shot them both. Killed the man and wounded my grandmother. He went to prison for 7 years and was never charged with shooting my grandmother. I’m thinking because of the circumstances, she cheated. The bar they owned together was looted and burned down by the towns people. Then she met and married the man I came to know as my Grandpa Bud.

From the early 20’s to the 60’s my family has been involved in owning bars and brothels, committing adultery and even bigamy! I find it all a little humorous! (not the shooting part) It has been interesting to say the least! When I’m in California I am going to the bar and grill that once was a bar and brothel owned by my cousins Great Great Grandfather in the 1920’s. Lots of history there I’m sure!

So in our quest for answers I found out my name comes from some psycho killer that tried shooting my grandmother in her “lady parts!” The good in all of this is it’s not my blood! I may have carried the name “Chadaris” but I do not carry that blood! Bush is my blood. My grandmother’s blood, I can’t even tell you what her maiden name was! More secrets! My Mom didn’t even know about the shooting. She said that family was so hush hush about things!!

So do you have any juicy, scandalous stories to share? Or do you know a family that does? I could write a book, I left out so many details!! I know some skeletons are better left untouched! I more or less had questions I had no answers too. Now some of the blanks are filled in. I would love to dive into my “Bush” family tree but I’m thinking that may be a bit difficult to weave around!

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23 Responses to Family Secrets

  1. Just remember that you are not your past but rather the past is simply a guideline to how one should live in the present. I’m sure that my family has some dark secrets but I have not had the privilege to know of them. Most of my family is dead or I’m not in contact with them so a lot of the secrets are dispersed throughout time and space. The rest of the family that I do have never tell me anything. But, rest assure, there has to be some skeletons in the closet.

  2. On second thought, my mother started a family tree when I was young. I wonder what happened to it. My interest is peeked now.

  3. Tosha says:

    Hmm.. we’ve all got skeletons in our closets.. Even those who say they dont.. But my skeletons are a lil too present rather than way in the past..

  4. Wow, murder and illegal business. This might sound weird but I think your history is kinda cool! We don\’t learn stuffs like that in History.

  5. DM says:

    Yea, just within the past 3 or 4 years my aunt whom I’m closer to, shared some family secrets w/ me…her grandfather impregnated his oldest daughter (incest). there were 12 kids in that family. then later, one of the sons who was a moonshiner, was shot and killed @ an early age when he came home from a night of messing around w/ another man’s wife…right in his own driveway..leaving a wife and 3 little kids. I’d always been told he had been killed in an auto accident…then on the other side of them family, some wierd stuff too..but too long to explain here.

    the cool thing is, we don’t have to follow in their footsteps, The older I get, the more I love finding out about my roots, the good, the bad and the ugly. Welcome home Nikki!

  6. mssc54 says:

    The little girl we are adopting….

    Her biological mother (while pregnant with our little girl) got so drunk that she ran over a pedesterian and was subsequently convicted of Vehicular Manslaughter. Our little girl was born in prison. 😦

    Does that count as a big dark secret?

  7. trishatruly says:

    Oh my. Where to even begin! My family is a nightmare of secrets, lies, plots, murder, adulteries, alcoholism, …heck, you name it. We’ve got ’em!

    I propose we start a club: The F.U.F.Club. (F***ed Up Families Club)

    We’ll be founding members!! 😆

  8. pammywammy says:

    Wow nikki,you could right a book.I think it would make a gret movie even.Did you get to no your grandma?
    I have had many secrets.In 2005 alot came out.And it was hard at first,but I got help dealing with it.But it helped to explain so many guestions I had.
    Sometimes secrets dystroy a family,but some secrets are best hidden.Hidden ones are those that have hurt me personally.But thats my choice.
    I enjoy reading about your life and your family.I always enjoy books on true stories.
    From the little i know of you,you are a pretty awesome LADY!

    • nikki says:

      You know I barely remember her Pam. I have pictures and I do remember their house. My aunt later lived there and it turned into a drug house and eventually got torn down. I agree some secrets are better left unturned, but these are decades old so it was interesting and hasn’t hurt anyone. The fact that my Grandma got shot was sad, and no one seemed to know that fact. That was the weird part! If I didn’t see it in an actual article I may not have truly believed it! And thanks, considering my families past and vicious cycles I think I am doing a good job!

  9. starlaschat says:

    As I was reading I did think, this should be a book. Of course I want to know what your grandmothers maiden name was! That’s how I am I guess, wanting to know the unknown. I’m awful with secrets or surprises, I always just want to know, it’s just my nature. Good detective work, sounds like some very interesting history. I have recently found out a little bit about my great grandparents. I wish I knew more. I think it’s wonderful to learn your own historical past.

    • nikki says:

      I asked my mom and she didn’t know what my Grandma’s maiden name was. And with my dad gone now it’s a little hard to find certain things out. This could be a book…maybe someday! 😉

  10. Joy says:

    Wow Nikki, what a story. If our family has any of these “big” ones, I’m unaware of them. It would be fun to check out a family history though. Years ago I was very interested in doing this but without the Internet, it was impossible. Maybe you have given me something else to become addicted to.

    I loved reading all this.

  11. SKL says:

    Well, there are some things I know about from being told, and other things I just know. I know that one of my grandfathers was a low-life (as was his father) and did a lot of things that hurt many others. I also know that some of the “good” people in our lives have done some pretty bad things for whatever reasons. I won’t go into details on most of it because some of the victims or perpetrators are still alive and could be hurt further.

    One uncle accidentally killed a boy when he shot a gun at the ground and the bullet ricocheted into a passing car. It was a freak accident; I think he was about 20 at the time. To stay out of prison, he claimed to be crazy, so they put him in a nut house for 5 years, which ended up probably being worse. He was murdered shortly after his release. Funny thing is, everyone considered him a good guy. He has a brother who was way worse, who went to prison for a long time and my mom won’t tell me what for (must be REALLY bad). Seems sad that the “good guy” was the life that was snuffed out early.

  12. Sue says:

    Our family has secrets too, most of which I didn’t know until a few years ago and other things that were “known” but weren’t talked about. Families are crazy and we’ve all got them!

  13. Laura says:

    Wow. My little tale of being the second cousin of Angelina Jolie seems so boring now. To my knowledge, we don’t have any intrigue going on in our family. My brother’s been doing our family trees (both sides) for some time, and hasn’t turned up anything scandalous. Unless you consider Angelina “scandalous”…

    My brother registered with, I think, rootsweb.com. It’s a free genealogy site (there’s Ancestry.com, too, but they charge for membership), and others can register too, so you can search and share family trees. We hooked up with a couple of second- and third- cousins who were able to fill in some holes for us, and we were able to reciprocate.

    Oh, and for those who don’t understand the “lingo”… (people aske me this all the time) “Second” and “Third” cousin refers to shared grandparentage. Cousins share grandparents. Second cousins share great-grandparents. Third cousins share great-great-grandparents, and so on. “Removed”, as in “once removed”, refers to the generation. If you are the same generation as your second cousin, then you are simply second cousins. If you are a generation older than your second cousin, then he is your second cousin, once removed. Two generations would be twice removed, etc.

  14. mssc54 says:

    I just wanted to add that although my dad was a raving alcoholic and womanizer it was not a secret so…

    And my mother’s mother’s maiden name was the same as her married name. They live in the boyous of Louisiana and she married her first cousin. Kinda makes my mom like a thoroughbred doesnt it? Which btw may go to explain some of my “quirks!” lol

  15. candi says:

    Trish I love it too, My family would fit in perfect too. I am not bragging but I am one of the better ones in the family, but man we have it all here too.. Right Nicole…

  16. Just a Mom says:

    I think every family has their little dirty secrets. I found out when I was 9 that my dad had 2 other children from a previous marriage. My REAL brother and I were blown away!
    My family has plenty of other secrets too but I have been sworn to silence! Maybe I should write them down and put them in a saftey deposit box to be opened when I die!

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