Senators Grassley and Harkin: I would like to thank you, and by extension, ALL of Congress, for your foresight and wisdom. Requiring the entire country to switch to Digital TV broadcasting was a wonderful idea! Thank you for doing it. Not only was my life before digital much calmer, it was also safer. I needed the excitement and danger that Digital TV has introduced into my life.
Allow me to elaborate…
Before Digital TV, I never thought about my TV. It was just there, providing entertainment on demand. Sure, the channel selection was limited, but then, I’m not much of a TV watcher, so I was happy with a few network shows and PBS. The TV just sat up there not doing much, occasionally talking with the DVD player, but otherwise, just quietly waiting for me to turn it on. Now? Now it’s up there with cords, cords and more cords, because not only did I have to purchase that Digital Box, I had to buy a new antenna, as well. And not just any antenna. I had to experiment with multiple antennas to find the right one that was compatible with the digital signals! See? No more boring TV! Now I have to figure out exactly which antenna is going to work with which box. And I can’t ask the manufacturers or the TV stations, because they don’t know! Each TV is different, each antenna is different, each box is different, each section of the viewing area is different, and therefore, the combination of TV/antenna/box is different! Such excitement this has introduced into my life.
But wait, there’s MORE!
Last night, we had some dangerous storms roll through Iowa. Oh, yeah, did I mention that I live on the edge of the famed “Tornado Alley”? So, yeah, some nasty storms came rolling through Iowa, carrying with them dangerous hail, winds, and sometimes tornadoes. So I turned on my TV – and trusty digital box – to check the weather and make sure that my young son and I would be safe. And guess what? More excitement! More adventure! The digital signal was messed up by the storm, so I couldn’t get a SINGLE CHANNEL!! How exciting! Not only could I NOT view the watches and warnings present for my area, I couldn’t view the radar to see which way the storms were tracking. Such adventure and anxiety this introduced to my life that wasn’t present before Digital TV!
So thank you, Senators and Representatives. Thank you for giving me touchy and unreliable Digital TV. Thank you for getting rid of that old, staticky analog TV, where the channels still came in a little, even if the signal wasn’t strong, so I could still monitor the severity and direction of the storms. Thank you for giving me Digital TV, where, if the signal isn’t perfect, the whole station freezes in a colorful mosaic of squares! I now have a puzzle, on top of everything else!!
But most of all, thank you for always keeping the Good of the People above the profits and pocketbooks of Big Government and Big Business. Because there’s no WAY this Digital Switch had anything to do with Big Government and Big Business. Right? … I said, RIGHT????