Parental responsibility

bailey's new bike 2What would you do?

This is the bike Paul and I got Bailey for his birthday last week. He got it on Thursday night and by Sat afternoon it was broken. Jason and Nikki had a “family only” party for Bailey this year at a park in Buffalo. They did invite one friend who Jason grew up with in Minnetoka who we just reconnected with on Facebook and hadn’t seen since 1995. Jason has known her since they were 5 and she ended up marrying his best friend from high school so it was the perfect opportunity for all of us to see them. Other than that, they wanted it just to be family this year.

Very long story short. A “friend” just showed up. Her oldest daughter (10 years old) took the bike which was parked under the shelter where we had all our food. She didn’t ask, she just got on the bike. We all saw her do this but I guess didn’t think much of it other than how did she know who’s bike it was and how could you just get on someone’s bike and take off like that? All the other kids were playing in the bandshell.

She rode it down to where the kids were and her younger sister (9 years old) made her get off the bike and she took it. Bailey then asked for his bike back and she told him “no, I’m not done yet.” She then procedded to ride it as fast as she could into the side of the bandshell. The tire went to went to the right, the bike frame went in the other direction and she went flying over the handlebars into the grass. Here’s a pic of the bandshell.

band shellWhat you can’t see in this picture is that on each side, it’s got like a brick wall coming out about 20 feet on each side and around 3 1/2 feet high which is what the girl hit. The frame bent around the front wheel, the brake got locked up and the front tire wouldn’t move. Jason kind of got it fixed today if you want to call it that. He had to try and unbend the frame to loosen up the tire but now that metal will be weaker and how long is it going to last and what I worry about is is it safe?

Okay, the mom rounded up the kids and ran to their car and took off without a word before the kids could tell us what was wrong. I don’t believe the mom knew what happened until already on the way somewhere else but wouldn’t you have come back? There wasn’t even a phone call of “I’m sorry” or anything. 

This is what has me wondering what the heck.

#1. I “could” get Bailey another bike but what would that tell him? What kind of message does this send him? If something breaks, grandma and grandpa will just buy me a new one. I don’t like that message.

#2. What kind of message does this tell us about the daughter who took the bike in the first place? That she just takes what she wants without asking. We were told today that she did ask Bailey but we adults were all sitting right there and we saw her hop on that bike before she even saw Bailey. The kids weren’t there.

#3. What does this say about the younger daughter? That she can bully her sister and make her get off the bike? That when asked by the owner she can just full force run into a brick wall and wreck the bike and leave it there and run for the car because mom is calling? She can just do what she wants and the hell with anyone else? There are no consequences for her actions? To date, there have been no phone calls. There was a very weak apology on Facebook and that’s only because we all couldn’t believe they weren’t going to replace the bike.

What is this world coming to? I know when you’re young, money is tight sometimes but if either one of my boys had done something like this, which I believe now after talking to everyone, was intentional, they would have either had to empty out their piggy bank or give the kid who’s bike they broke, their bike. What the heck kind of a message does this send these two girls? Is it any wonder why people are the way they are? Doesn’t anyone teach their children accountability anymore or is everyone just out for themselves? Both of these girls now think it’s okay to take what you want, break it and you don’t even have to apologize. As of right now, Sunday night, 8:00 PM, Bailey has not received an apology. 

This is so wrong on so many levels.

What would you do?


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73 Responses to Parental responsibility

  1. candi says:

    Block Block hehehe, i have more to say but it doesnt matter, and nor do I care…. anymore. I so knew that you would make sure that everybody knew about this.. Too bad that this not the full truth. It was not on purpose. and I told you that I would have Jared fix it. If I had the money I would have gotton him a new bike, but I have no money for any extra things.. I am not the bad guy here, and I do not want to be talk about this anymore.I said I was sorry. I had not time to go back to talk to them about it. I forgot to call Nicole back when she called, I got busy, and was having family time with kids. I am sorry i didnt call back, i was planning on it today, but waking up to a comment on facebook from the father of the child, stating i was rude and disrespectful, i got mad, and then situation got worse. We all said things out of being mad, but that happens. My daughther feels bad about this, she is scared of Jason, and has been.. That is why she didnt come to him and say anything.. I am thinking that that this is all not fair to me, and my kids.. This is what you call a ACCIDENT. Accidents happen. What more do you want me to do? This lead into more then just a bike getting broke, but I guess I glad, cuz I found out the truth.. Thank you so much. Things happen for a reason, this was good reasoning. So with that said just wanted to make my self clear, I was invited to the so called only family thing. My child did not do it on purpose, and i did not run to my car, i needed to be some where at a certain time. i can totally see if my daughther did this on purpose then yes, she would need to pay for it.. I am with that, but not on accident. I mean we of all parents know that accidents do happen, If we were to have to go around replacing all the things that our children have broke due to accidents, we would be broke. That is why they call it a accident. So again Bailey she is sorry, and she told you that already that day. She is too scared to call and say sorry, she will tell him IF sees him.. My girls do not think it is ok to break something, it was a ACCIDENT….

  2. Joy says:

    If you think I’m going to argue with you Candi, think again. You’ve been checking this blog all afternoon seeing if I was going to post about this. I see every single time you come on here.

    Nobody would have known this was you. Neither Jason this morning on Facebook nor me in this post ever mentioned any names. But I knew you would let it be known it was you. You love the spotlight in fights. It’s just what you do.

    See guys, this is what I’m talking about. Responsibility. There is an excuse made for every behavior. Lateness, having to be somewhere else, it was an accident, I forgot, daughter afraid of Jason. This is what I mean. These children are learning no accountability because the parent is making one excuse after another. Are most people like this? How will these children learn from their mistakes if the parents don’t make them see they made one?

    Thank you Candi for proving my point and letting everyone see what I mean by parental responsibility. I knew I could count on you. You even made light of my blocking you by saying “Block Block hehehe.” That is very disrespectful considering you’re in my living room.

  3. javajunkee says:

    OH HELL NO! Sorry candi I dont know you but all you just did was throw out a bunch of excuses for why neither you nor your daughter are responsible.
    and this my friends is why we have a world of kids that think they can get away with breaking crap and moms and pops will just let it go or excuse it away. Most of you are too young to remember shows like Leave it to Beaver or Andy Griffith but those shows taught the kids that if they broke something that didn’t belong to them either they would work it off to fix it, replace it etc or the parents would and the kids would work it off for the parents.

    accident or no accident it sounds to me from the story and only more validated by the remarks of the mom that these kids are used to doing whatever the hell they want with no thought of consequences. I don’t care if you did have to be somewhere. That would have been a good time for you to use a cell phone and tell your next appointment you were going to be late because you had some apologizing to do and some arrangements to be made. Whether it be a payment plan to replace the bike or whatever. Just leaving was the cowards way out. Own up to it!

    OMG I can’t even believe this! Those kids are learning no responsibility and someday they are going to have a rude awakening.

    U guys seriously need some new friends! WOW!

  4. nikki says:

    This is jason.. You are the common denominator in every bad situation candy. It’s no wonder you have no friends. They all get sick of your crap. Nicole has tried to be nice but all you ever do is question everything said or done. I knew you would be the first one to say it was you. My mom and I both left names out because I would be ashamed if Bailey pulled that at your party,so I would never single one person out. By the way why are your kids so afraid of me? In three years I haven’t said two words to any of them. Then you have jared kick me off the softball team through facebook. Wow three people now disagree and get kicked off the merchants. I don’t have the money to support the team (jared and candy) like the other one so my departure looks inevitable. GROW UP candy. You just lost the best friend you could ever have. I know deep down jared doesn’t agree with you either but he’s stuck.hehehe

    • Joy says:

      Jason, I love you. It’s not a baseball team. It’s a bunch of two bit losers being controlled by a *insert word of choice here* who only wants to cause problems. I’m so glad you’re rid of them. I never wanted you to play anyway. You’re way to moral and way to good to be associated with “The Merchants.” You and I both know it.

  5. SKL says:

    I have to agree with you, Joy. I understand that not everyone has the money to make things right when their kids do damage. But whether it’s an accident or not, they ought to do whatever they can to make up for it. Having the child hand over her own bike is quite reasonable – that’s what my parents would have done. She needs to learn a lesson.

    I have to agree that it’s disappointing to see someone say she didn’t have time to call because she was having family time, etc. To me, teaching my kids important things like responsibility is a high priority way to spend family time. I would have been terribly upset about what my child had done, and she would have known it, and we would have acted on it together. I can’t imagine many things more important than making amends for destroying a child’s birthday present. “Family time” indeed.

    This type of thing happened in my experience only once. My brother was about 9 and he got a bike for Christmas. It was standing next to the Christmas tree and a family friend’s brat decided to climb onto it right then and there. She was told not to, but did it anyway, and it fell over into the Christmas tree. The parents were all about whether or not “she” was OK. Fortunately nobody and nothing was badly damaged, but the incident left a bad taste in our mouths, because there should have been apologies by the child and the parents. Of course it was an accident, but it happened because someone purposely did something she should not have done. Her parents were always living in a fantasy world of “my child is too perfect to be guilty.” Not sure when all that ended, but sometime in the midst of 6 illegitimate children, at least one prison term, child abandonment, etc., the parents figured out their daughter wasn’t responsible and sued for custody of their grandkids. So yes, parental responsibility and teaching kids accountability is crucial. And Joy, I think you were right to blog about it.

  6. javajunkee says:

    hhmmm let’s go back to her statement about accidents. Let’s say that I run into your car. Now I didn’t mean to was an accident. Is it ok if I just hop in mine and drive away? I would almost BET because of the fucking moronic way you just talked that you have done that. Somewhere there are vehicles with paint matching yours that you have ran into or just bumped ever so slightly but you reason it as an “accident” not on purpose so it’s ok to just leave!
    *coughbullshitcough* figure it out lady. Your kid and you owe this boy a new bike!

  7. pammy wammy says:

    Every child in life needs to learn responsibility.This is all so sad.Some people just need to grow up.I dont no you,but you sound very childish.
    I feel so bad for Bailey.A new bike and he cant even enjoy it 😦

  8. SKL says:

    “If we were to have to go around replacing all the things that our children have broke due to accidents, we would be broke.”

    Maybe, but if you paid for these accidents, you’d work harder on teaching your kids responsibility – if only to protect your own wallet. Most accidents are avoidable, but who will bother to avoid them if there are no consequences?

    Who do you think should pay for your kids’ “accidents” if you and your kids should not?

    Again, this is a kid’s birthday present that he just got. The more I think about it, the more it floors me that you won’t even ask your child to say “sorry.”
    P.S. – Sorry, forgot to tell you great post!

    • Joy says:

      I know my boys didn’t go around breaking other people’s things on a whim and walk away and neither did my brother and I. Maybe that’s because we knew it was wrong and they respected other people’s property. It floors me too SKL. These kids must just be able to do whatever they want and mom goes out dancing which is “family time.”

  9. Tony says:

    Accountability seems to mean nothing these days.
    Accident or no accident this woman still is accountable for her child’s actions. You can’t excuse accountability by saying “It was an accident, so it doesn’t count”.

    Java Junkee’s example of a car accident makes a good point. I got my car totalled by a woman who didn’t run into me on purpose, it was an accident but she was still at fault. She still had to cover the damage to my car. She had no insurance so my insurance company took legal action against her to recover the money for my insurance payout. I’m sure if she said “Oh it was an accident, I didn’t mean it” they wouldn’t have let her off.

    Accountability & responsibility can’t just be shrugged off. An accident or not this woman’s daughter was still at fault just as in a car accident which isn’t done on purpose.

    As far as I see it this Candi woman owes Bailey a new bike regardless of accident or not. Regardless of an “I’ve got no money” excuse or not. She could always pay aa affordable amount each pay till it’s paid for.

    Any decent person would honour that accountability & live up to their responsibility. Unfortunately there’s not enough common decency & respect for others left in a lot of people these days….

    Come on Candi do the right thing!!!

  10. mssc54 says:

    Well as for “What would you do?”

    It really is time to break out the “big guns.” If anyone takes anything without permission from the owner it’s called STEALING.

    I would SERIOUSLY make a police report!

    Adults who have a life pattern of acting like this only doom their children to the same dysfunctional life style. If the children are going to be “saved” from this same behavior they must be taught by someone that there are consequences. Sometimes serious consequences.

    It doesn’t matter that it happened a couple of days ago.


    • mssc54 says:

      Just a couple more things.

      You should edit your title to “Parental Irresponsibility”

      If Candi keeps making excuses for her and her children’s behavior she had better get used to the idea of “Visiting hours.” Either at the hospital or the jail house.

      If that child intentionally ran a bike (full speed) into a brick wall then Candi has more problems than dishonesty in her family.

      Now call the coppers and file that police report.

  11. JavaQueen says:

    First of all, I’d never just show up to a friends party that was specifically being held for family- especially if I wasn’t invited.

    Is it plausible that Candi did not know what happened? Maybe. However, since when do we dart off from a party without saying goodbye to the BIRTHDAY BOY or the host? That seems really strange to me.

    Sometimes mom’s don’t know what their little mug wumps are up to, but when they find out- don’t they ask their child what happened and remedy the situation?

    It’s hard for me to even relate to this story on an adult level because like I said, I would never invite myself to your party and I’d never leave without saying goodbye to the Birthday boy and the host of the party. The whole thing would have been solved right there at that moment.

    I forgot to return Nicole’s call because were were having “family time” – excuses, excuses, excuses…. she deserves a smack upside the head for even writing this drivel.

    Bottom line, whether it was an accident or not, if your child ruins something of someone else’s (especially a Birthday boy!) than you need to step up. Yes, it’s costs money but it will save you in the long run by teaching your kids to be thoughtful and responsible.

    Candi, why don’t you put yourself in Nicole and Jason’s shoes? How would you feel if this happened to your daughter at her Birthday party?

    Joy, I’d just buy the little guy a new bike and tell him that this time you’ll do it because it’s his special birthday. She’s obviously not going to do the right thing because she already has 20 excuses of why she shouldn’t. I’d just explain to him that you are doing this because you feel bad that someone ruined his birthday present. Personally, I don’t think that’s teaching your grand son a bad life lesson. It’s just showing him that grandpa and grandma have his back. I promise, I’m not telling you what to do, I’m just saying that this seems like a pretty weird and rare situation that someone would do this, and no- you cannot bail him out of every hardship he has- but this is his birthday and it shouldn’t be ruined by some selfish person with no morals or class.

    This woman, Candi- is not going to change. It’s very sad. She’s extremely immature and cannot handle adult situations. Sad for her, because she lost out on a good friend and sad for her kids- they are going to get a big dose of reality some day.

    I’m sorry this happened to Bailey on his special day!

  12. JavaQueen says:

    PS Candi, it’s never too late to just come clean and apologize. It’s the right thing to do and you’d feel so much better- I promise. I really hope you call them and say sorry and try to make it right. That’ll also teach your kids an invaluable lesson: That when you are wrong, it’s okay because we all make mistakes- we’re all human… but that you definitely need to make things right to move ahead.

  13. jason says:

    Can’t blame everyone at softball mom their good guy’s. It’s to bad Candy controls one of them. She can go around do as she pleases becuase she has no respect. Nicole and I love Jared and he is always put in the middle. I will miss him and most of the guys from ball.

    • Joy says:

      I know how you both feel about Jared but his choices in this situation are pathetic. We all thought he’d do the right thing because we knew his wife wouldn’t but we counted on him. I also know how it is when you have to “side” with your spouse but what are these kids learning? Nothing.

      I know you love to play ball but you can find a real team and not one dominated by a bimbo like this. Jared needs to grow a pair and do the right thing because he’s a sweetheart. Why is it when you played for Kingston, you really did play ball and there wasn’t all this crap going on? I hear nothing but bad stories about this ball team. You’re to good for this team.

  14. jason says:

    I will stick up for Candi on two points.

    1.I know she didn’t what happened when she left.
    She said goodbye to us, I don’t know about Bailey.

    2.She has been a friend to nicole when needed.

    After that being said, The situation was handled wrong.
    I stated a status on Facebook and instead of calling, she calls herself out.

    I don’t expect a new bike. My mom does. We just wanted a call. And by the way Candi, Family time isn’t dancing at a chopper show. The only family on the team is jared and butchie. Butchies cause he’s related.

    • Joy says:

      You darn tootin I expect a new bike. Doesn’t dad work as hard as anyone else to earn a living? He paid hard earned money for that bike and some kid rides as fast as she can into a brick wall and leaves Bailey and Trinity standing there in tears?? Come on. What was she doing that for? Does she think it’s like cartoons that nothing will happen to the bike riding that fast? Trinity cried for Bailey all night long thinking his brand new bike was broken. This is so wrong. If not a new one, at least take responsibility for it. Stand up, say you’re sorry, come to your house and talk to you and Bailey. NOTHING was done but a bunch of excuses. PATHETIC.

  15. Laura says:

    Wow…. just. wow.

    Ok, deep breaths all around.

    First things first. Bailey received a lovely gift for his birthday that was ruined through no fault of his own. I would replace it for him. Now, if HE had done the crashing, he’d be paying for the new parts out of his piggy bank (or even better, any birthday monies received that day), and be doing the repairs himself under my watchful eye. But since it wasn’t his fault, I would replace it as best as I could – whether by repairing it myself, taking it to a professional for repairs, or, as a last resort, buying a new bike. I don’t know Bailey personally (heck, I don’t know any of you *personally*, only through here), but I don’t think he’ll get the wrong idea if this is done. He’s a stand-up kid who will understand that breaking things won’t just get you new stuff… that doesn’t really apply here, because HE didn’t break it. He didn’t even give permission for the bike to be ridden.

    Second, as much as we’d like to, we can’t teach responsibility to other people’s children, unless they are under our direct care. Miss Candi will raise her girls whatever way she wishes, and this exchange will only reinforce her attitude that her girls can do no wrong. The fact that requiring her daughter to stand up, accept responsibility, and apologize to a person whom she is “afraid of”, will only strengthen her character, is completely lost on her. We are made stronger by adversity. Unfortunately, Miss Candi is dismissing this opportunity to strengthen her daughter’s character. You see, it doesn’t matter, at this point, if she did it deliberately, or if it was, indeed, an accident. The point is, it happened. A face-to-face apology is required. If that is not possible, a phone apology is certainly appropriate.

    But that will not happen. Miss Candi’s loss, and a loss for her girls.

    Bailey will learn from this that some people are simply not worth spending time on. They tell us this through their actions, which reveal the content of their character. He has had a stellar demonstration in this situation.

    So Happy Birthday, Bailey. You don’t know it yet, but Miss Candi and her children have given you a gift far more valuable than a bike. They have taught you a life lesson – that sometimes you just have to rise above a situation, and accept that there are people in this world who just have no clue. You may not understand it now, but eventually, you’ll get it… that some people are just plain toxic. Their actions will be returned to them, but it’s not your job to do it.

  16. Karen Joy says:

    I saw all that “stuff” on FB and SO wanted to comment!!OH MY GOSH are so childish!I want to say that you need to teach your girls responsibilty but I think first you need to learn it.Your part of the problem in this world today…no one teaches these kids to be responsible or there are consequences(ACCIDENT OR NOT,CAUSE ITS NOT BAILEYS FAULT) to their actions.You need to replace that bike..NOT fix it.If I was a child and received a brand new one for a gift thats what I want..NOT a repaired one!!Its not the same anymore.And I understand having little money but there is ALWAYS some where you can cut back or sacrifice if you really want to.You need to take the high road here and do the right thing…its never to late to redeem yourself and I think thats where this has headed now.You have such an opportunity to show your girls that Mom can do the right thing….its tough on our pride but you will feel good after..set the example Candi!

    • Joy says:

      That’s just it Karen. It will never be the same because when metal bends the way this did, it’s weaker. When Toby was looking at this bike and he pointed out the dents, they were so prominent that I thought it was the way the bike was made.

  17. Kristin says:

    I can’t help but to reitterate the main point here. Teaching responsibility! I know that as a child if, even by accident I broke something there is a consequence. There is no way that my Mother would apologize for me, nor would I for my own child. In my opinion they shouldn’t have an option! You broke it, you apologize! This is why we have an entire generation of kids who think they can do whatever they want and there will never be any consequences for their actions because someone makes excuses and says it was an accident. And from the sounds of it they have broken things before and apparently there were no lessons learned there either. What a sad situation, and worst of all Bailey is the one who gets the short end of the stick!

    • Joy says:

      Thanks for coming Kristin. It’s good to see you here and you’re welcome anytime. I appreciate you standing up for Bailey. You’re a good friend.

    • nikki says:

      Thanks sweetie!! I know you and your kids have and will have the up most respect for others and there belongings. You are a great person and a wonderful friend. Thank you for standing up for Bailey! I love you!! I wish there were more parents out there like you, maybe our next generation wouldn’t be so messed up!

    • Sue says:

      You said just what I wanted to say, Kristin!

  18. Doraz says:

    If this person was not invited, why did you let them stay?
    I am confused! I would have told them it was a private party, regardless of who they were.
    Just wondering?

    • Joy says:

      I suppose Luisa that we weren’t sure what to do or say. My parents were there and a nephew who lives in WA and two old friends we hadn’t seen in 15 years. We aren’t rude people and it was a public park. We certainly didn’t think anything like this would happen. How could you even begin to think something like this would take place? My son nor my daughter in law would tell a “friend” to leave a party. It’s not in either of them to do that.

      • Doraz says:

        I am not rude when it comes to entertaining. I love it. What is unfair is what happens in these situations. That is why I have learned….long stories involved…to nicely tell the people that it is a private affair. I would invite them to my house at a later date. You all planned a great day for Bailey. He deserved it. It is not rude to tell people the truth. This is my opinion, anyways/ Truth moves me in any actions I take. The truth of the matter in this situation is that you allowed them to stay, they made bad choices, Bailey lost out. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their actions and their choices. Just my opinion. Hope Bailey gets a new bike. My boys still love to ride bikes! 🙂

        • Joy says:

          I guess you kind of just missed the point. It was making your kids accountable. Whether they were handed an invitation wasn’t the point. Would it have made a difference had they been invited? The outcome would have been the same.

  19. SKL says:

    About how this should be handled at Bailey’s end. Actually, that’s really the most important part, isn’t it? I left that out of my previous comments.

    I don’t think it’s necessary that Bailey get a new bike. If you want to buy one, that is fine, but he won’t be scarred for life if you don’t.

    The fact is, all of us have to go though life carrying some shrapnel from idiots around us. Whether it be a scar, a damaged toy, or a broken dream. Bailey’s loved ones will rally to mitigate the damage, but he can’t always be made whole again. That’s part of the overall lesson here.

    When I was 9, I earned a new bike. It was the only new bike I ever owned, and it was the result of earning straight A’s for an entire school year. I waited months after school let out until my parents had enough money set aside. Finally I received my dream bike. Within weeks, my brother took it to the store and left it outside, and it got stolen. I was so upset! I knew my parents could not afford another new bike. They made my brother give me his – an old battered bike that was really too big for me. It didn’t make me whole, but it was “enough,” because I had something to learn, too. I had to learn that I needed to take better care of my stuff – e.g., locking it up so even my brother could not take it. Responsibility for one’s things doesn’t include just assuming everyone else will respect them, unfortunately.

    I personally would tell Bailey that he deserved an apology and compensation from miss “accident,” though he wasn’t likely to get it. Then, I would offer to help him get back to where he was when his bike was new. Maybe give him a % of the money toward the new bike, to be matched by him over time, or work with him on fixing the broken bike. I don’t think I would just replace the bike, as it could give the impression that he never has to “suck it up” when stuff happens.

  20. nikki says:

    OMG ok I should not have slept in today! 20 comments and it’s not even 10am!
    Let me first start out by saying ….Candi, the one thing that hurts is to know my son wasn’t worth your time. A 5 minute phone call saying something like, “we are so sorry let’s come up with some resolution for this” ANYTHING at that point would have been suffice! You did nothing. And giving me some BS excuse about having “family time” with your kids is ridiculous. What if none of this happened and I was calling you to tell you I was coming out to party? You would have called me back asap! You didn’t want to deal with it or you didn’t think it was important. Both are horrible reasons. You kept saying in our PRIVATE messages that I was never a good friend to you?? How could I let this damage our friendship? HELLO you did this not me. Had my son done this to your kids bike I’d be sick over it, I would have given them his bike. SOMETHING! I sure the heck would not have gone DANCING! OMG I can’t even believe you! ACCOUNTABILITY? Do you know what that means? Take responsibility for actions and that may teach your children to. You brush this all off like, “OMG it’s a BIKE” Explain it to my 9 year old! Explain to him why some kid broke his bike, left, not saying anything and has YET to call to apologize. You, nor your kids will ever see me, Jason or my son again! You keep saying this stupid stuff like she’s afraid of Jason, we both know that is not true. You either A) fed that line to her or B) it’s not true. They have no reason to be scared. And scared of YOU? HA you don’t discipline those kids to save your life! What would you have done, nothing, just like you are. Making up excuse after excuse for them. There are so many things I can say to hurt you but I won’t. That’s not me. I won’t name call like you did nor will I point the finger and say, he doesn’t like you and neither doe she. How 2nd grade is that?? MY goodness I couldn’t believe what was on FB. I kept what I wanted to say for the most part private. You and Jason went at it. It doesn’t bother him, he could do that all day! I won’t. I’ll leave you with this though Candi….we don’t try to be perfect like you say. What we do do is try to live our life as simple as a possible. We teach our son to respect us and others. He will grow up to be a good man, one with accountability, love, respect, and full knowledge of what friendship really is. He does not hit others, he does not yell at me, he does not ruin others possessions on purpose. And yes it was on purpose. My son nor my niece lie!

  21. Oh boy… I see this is getting out of hand already, Joy. For you guys, I mean – you really shouldn’t need to post about this on your blog to get the attention the situation deserves. It’s really maddening. I know that when I was a small child, my parents taught me to ALWAYS ask before using something, and you know what? If I ever used without asking and then broke it, I myself would feel bad about it. Very bad indeed.
    But that’s beside the point, because I don’t know if Candi’s daughter did anything on purpose – what IS true here is that you and Baily deserve an apology AT THE VERY LEAST, because it was a brand new bike, a birthday present no less, and that’s just the minimally polite thing to do, right?! THEN, of course, there should be an offer to replace the bike – and you know what, Joy? I think that if you’d gotten a proper apology and at least an offer to replace the bike, you might well have demurred and helped just fix the bike, because at least then the gestures would have made you feel like this woman cared at all. But now you end up with this feeling of being utterly dissed and ignored, and I can understand your anger 100%!!!

    • Joy says:

      You know what Ilana, you are 100% correct. Had something, ANYTHING been done, none of us would have been angry but it’s the way it was pushed under the rug like it was no big deal. He’s 9 years old and it was HIS party and someone broke his brand new bike and just ran away and then this mother has the audacity to get mad at us. HUH?

    • nikki says:

      that’s just it, we weren’t worth her time to call and make things right.

  22. nikki says:

    and one more thing, your oldest daughter pulled my sons shirt to get off his bike! Who acts like that???

  23. nikki says:

    Oh shoot one more thing, you want to explain to me how Jared sent an email to Jason around 7 or so saying to hand in his jersey when Jared was at the ball field until 9pm!? Chris was with Jared the whole time and said NOTHING about this situation. Does Jared even know?? It doesn’t matter really, just goes to show either A) you are a liar or B) Jared doesn’t have nads to call Jason himself! Both are ridiculous!

  24. jason says:

    Everyone keeps saying “new”. New or not isn’t the point. You break my old anything you help fix or replace it. Why? Becuase it worked when I gave it you.

    • Joy says:

      You’re right. New isn’t the point but he’s only 9. I’ll never forget the way he went into shock when he saw that bike and kept saying “grandma, it’s the bomb.”

      • pammy wammy says:

        Joy,I feel so bad for Bailey.Birthdays are a secial day for kids.A bike from Grandma and Grandpa is so special.If I was in your shoes,I would feel just like you.I feel for Bailey and his loss.Boys and there bikes are so important,especially from grandparents,Money doesnt grow on trees.But I believe for myself and for the way I raised my kids,TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your actons always.

  25. jason says:

    I understand I’m more a giver too. To see the excitement in some ones face as a result of some thing you did

  26. Lindsay (Rosen) Litman says:

    Joy- it sounds like a crazy situation…what kind of poor mannered children just take a bike and start riding it? Crappy for Bailey to have his bike broken by someone else. I sure am glad I don’t know this Candi girl, I’m pretty sure we would not get along to well. Good luck with everything. -Lindsay

    • Joy says:

      Thanks for coming Lindsay. I’m glad to see you here. Ya, it sucks for Bailey but it will work out. At least we know who our friends are.

  27. Kamille Hagen says:

    This is a sad thing that has happened and being there that day I felt so bad for Bailey. This was Bailey’s birthday party, his time to celebrate and have fun. Having his bike broken is a real bummer. I do feel that children do need to have consequences for sure no doubt. If for some odd reason my children would do something like this wich I know they woudn’t I would for sure make them be accountable and there would be an apolgy made for sure. Lesson should be learned or this child will continue to do things like this to other’s. There are alot of options to take to make this situation right! Joy and Paul for you to get this bike for Bailey was so special and the nicest ever. I’m sorry this has happened and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since this happened. I hope that this Candi does the right thing now since you can’t go back in time and you unfortunately can’t change other people. I hope this get’s resolved some how. I would be livid if my children did something this horrible and would darn sure make sure it never happened again. I guess I can’t say enough so I’m going to stop now. Good luck and god bless!!

    • Joy says:

      Thanks so much for commenting Kamille. Please come back again. It’s not always this dramatic. It was so good to see you and yes, Bailey was heartbroken over it.

  28. Bailey, I’m guessing that given some of the language in these comments you haven’t been allowed to read them; we adults can get pretty passionate about things sometimes. Frankly, this particular instance doesn’t only deserve, it demands such passion.

    I don’t know you son, nor you me. That’s okay. I’m sure your mom, dad, grandma and grandpa have explained everything to you they possibly can. You have to understand that they love you dearly. They’re also good people. Had this been you doing this to someone else I guarantee there’d be a different song being sung–you’d be required to do what was right and learn the right way to handle things. You’d be taught how to act like a man. You wouldn’t like the lesson, but the best lessons–those that stick with us–are like that.

    Fact is, you got the short end of this stick. Here’s the best part though (but you have to remember, this will not be an immediate thing–it may take many years, and you might not even be around to see it) . . . both those kids who took your bike WILL get their due. As sure as there’s a God in Heaven, they will. That doesn’t mend the hurt right now, I know. I genuinely feel bad for you, son.

    Al the things these other folks are saying–take heed. You may not completely understand what it all means now, but as sure as you won’t forget this little incident you shouldn’t let the opportunity pass to rub the salt of accountability into your wounds. It’s gonna burn a bit, I won’t lie to ya. What happened to you and your bike is what we adults like to call a “huge steaming pile.” It’s a shame their mom had to react as she did–but through her actions you can learn what not to grow up like. Be honest, be responsible. Good things will come to you if you treat others in that manner. If you go through life dressed like an ass you’re going to act and be treated like one.

    Trust that whatever decision your family makes about the bike, it will be the best possible decision. All that glitters isn’t always gold, Bailey. Would have been nice if you could have enjoyed it a bit longer, though.

    You may want to repeat the words “civil action” to mom and dad (grandma will read this, so she’ll know ;^) ). Ain’t nothin’ the court can’t fix given the proper validation of witnesses present–a little medication of court costs and object replacement might be just the kind of medicine the doctor ordered.

    You were wronged, son, no two ways around it. Honestly, it sucks. But as one of the other people mentioned, unbeknownst to you that dysenteric amoeba and her immature coven have given you a present you can’t open, but you can always use: The lesson of what it means to do well by those around you.

    • nikki says:

      THANK YOU!! I truly appreciate every word you just wrote!! I will read it to Bailey! I have not read the others to him. Thank you again!

    • Joy says:

      Awe, thank you JW. Written like the wonderful writer you are.

      ps. Bailey doesn’t read the blog. Only on his birthday to see his “card.”

      • Probably better that he doesn’t–LOL! Trust me when I tell you Joy (and Nikki), I have nothing nice to say about Candi or her deplorable daughters. I wasn’t there but I know right from wrong. My use of the profanity I was thinking wouldn’t have served any good purpose here ;^)

    • Laura says:

      YEAH!!! What he said!!!

      • Laura says:

        and oh yeah… I forgot about this part of my response before:

        “that dysenteric amoeba and her immature coven”

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! THAT one made me laugh out loud until I couldn’t breathe. I haven’t done that in a long time. Thank you.

  29. Dani says:

    Hi Y’all Im Nikkis Bff over here in thot id drop by, i love this site btw its great!!

    Ok..unfortunatly this is not the first incident that i have heard from this Candi woman, its always some drama that Candi continueally brings into the Ericksons life. I completely agree with Kristin, that we are raising a generation that has no responsibility & accountability, but it sounds like Candi was obviously raised this way as well so she is passing it down to her kids! I understand that we as parents have to have some responsibiltiy for our children to be a voice for them so as this little girls voice this mother should teach her child its NOT ok to bully other children which it sounds like she did to Bails & her sister & as her voice she should say yes i will be broke due to my childs “accidents” it is part of raising children. Candi maybe if you would have actually talkd to the Ericksons & explained that yes maybe you cant afford a brand new bike right now but maybe u could offer a payment plan & even an applogy? I think the outcome would have been very different if you would ‘ve offered empathy & sympathy, btw candi empathy is having the ability to put yourself in another person shoes, what if this would’ve happend to your daughters bike & Bailey would have done that to her, can You try to imagine what it would be like then maybe you’ll be able to see where the family & friends of the Ericksons are coming from? I mean you’ve obviously dug yourself in way to deep to salvage any trust & friendship with these wonderful people but try to see it in another point of view W/O excuses… in other words Be a stand up women for your little girls if no one else to look up follow, a woman that everyone will be proud of! These antics of selfishness with trying to exert your power by kicking Jason off the team, i mean really can u see how that obviously made this horrible situation worse? You have to realize Candi that Bailey means the world to all of us, & u hurt all of us by You & your families actions, can u try to understand that? maybe think about it & Hopefully this will be a huge lesson learned by you & your family? Its all a learning lesson & i think its a good discussion for all of us, No more excuses it is what it is..buck up!! Hope all is well with everyone..Have a wonderful day!

  30. joanharvest says:

    Wow, I go out with Sarah and the kid for one day and all heck breaks lose.

    I’m going to tell you a story about my son Damon. If anyone was going to do something stupid it was him. I don’t say that lightly about my own so but it was true. He was always in the wrong place at the wrong time or else he just dove into things without a thought in his head. One time comes to mind. He was on the next street over from me with some other boys and right in front of someone’s house they were pitching dirtbballs at each other and making a terrible mess. The homeowner came out and told them to leave. My son came home all upset because he was yelled at. I decided to go talk to the guy to see what happened. My son forgot to mention the dirtballs. The man was really nice. I made Damon apologize and borrow a broom from the guy. I made him sweep up everything. He learned a lesson.

    He also broke items that belonged to other kids because he was always tough on toys. Most of his paper route money went on paying for stuff he broke.

    Children must be taught lessons. That’s what we adults are here for– to teach our children and be role models for them.

    I honestly have to say I would have replaced the bike with a new one and Damon would have paid every penny back to me. He once, with some other boys, broke a window at someone’s house and he paid for that dearly.

    I can proudly say that I had two polite children because it was very important to me because your children are a reflection of you. Rude dumb*** parents = rude dumb*** kids. notice how I didn’t say ass because you don’t want any swearing. Oops I said it by mistake. It was an accident. Sorry!!!!!!!!!

    LOL! I’ve got your back!!

  31. Tosha says:

    I didnt read all the comments. And I’m sorry I haven’t been by. I really feel bad about it. B/c you’ve always been there for me over the last year..

    Accidents do infact happen. They happen. We can’t change that. If we could control accidents we would. HOWEVER.. Accident or not.. if my kids break it I offer to pay for it or replace it to the best of mya bilities. If i’m unable there are other options. As in my kid working to help that parent out so that it can be replaced. Cole damaged the little girl down the roads bike recently. He did it on purpose. No it was not an accident. I do not have the money with hubs being laid off to pay for the bike. However.. I am making him work with the girls mother to help pay for the bike. EVEN if it was an accident he’d be doing the same thing. Even accidents have consequences. Car accidents happen all the time. And it is indeed an accident.. person responsible for the accident still gets a ticket and their insurance the responsibility of paying for the damage of other persons car.. Shit happens..

    ignoring it and not offering to take care of your responsibility.. Accident or not.. Is a bad example for the kids.. A very very bad example. My kids will know accident or not they still have the responsibility to make things right. Scared or not. Its part of right and wrong and its part of life. They’ll have to own up as adults so they might as well own up as kids..

  32. Tony says:

    Boy oh boy, This kinda stuff makes for a great post don’t it???
    If life went along all smooth & sweet imagine how boring our blogs would be….

    • Joy says:

      No kidding Tony but I’d rather my grandson not having to go through it. We are adults but he’s just a little boy. Well, I mean “most” of us are supposed adults.

  33. starlaschat says:

    Yesterday I came by and read 47 comments and today I think it’s 67. There has been alot said and actually a lot of words of wisdom. I hope Candi comes by and reads all the comments there is a lot of wisdom and a lot of food for thought. Actually I think it has been covered in a elleqent way. I know Navar has a story he tells often about someone hurting his bike as a kid, the bike was never the same after the accident someone bent the bike back into shape. It was traumatic for him as a child and he still tells the story. I think at the end of the day Accountability for children and for adults is important not only for the other people but for ourselves. So that at the end of the day when our head hits the pillow we can feel good about the day and about life. To do the right thing. You do good you feel good you do bad you feel bad. Pretty simple.

  34. starlaschat says:

    Wow that was strange I just wrote a long comment and it disappeared. That’s really strange.

  35. Pingback: Let me get this straight…… « Joy, Nikki, Sue, Laura & Pam~Our Views

  36. money says:

    We will see monday if she still decides to frequent this blog.
    Words and friendships cut short don’t bother me. My list grows every day of people who want to hang out more. On the other side, her friendlist dwindles. Between Facebook and this blog I have seen over 100 responses. In all those responses (and we thank you all) Candi you had one friend stand behind you. Such a good friend of yours Nicole had never heard of her. To cut it short, Candi every time you come here I love it. My mom loves it. It just further proves the point that you have no where else to go. With this, I invite you to be my friend on facebook. This is rare… I have made it a rule to never invite anyone. Yes Candi it’s true, you would be my first. Theres nothing more important in this world, outside of my family and friends to me, than to know you still want to see how our lives are going. I have so many things to share with jared and everyone. Jared reads all these right. So nothing should ever suprise him then right. I would hate to cause a problem for the two of you. I know your trying to adopt kids right now and unlike you I don’t want to hurt people not involved

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