Forced to be a father

dadsI saw this show a while ago but it just wouldn’t leave my head and then I saw it somewhere else one day last week and thought I’d throw it out to all of you and see what you think.

Let’s say you’re married or in a very committed relationship and neither of you wanted kids. The man very candidly had told his girlfriend that he has never wanted children and he’d talked to many doctors about getting a vasectomy but nobody would perform one on him due to his young age. She in turn told him that she was unable to have children and was also on birth control for another issue. So it was funny when she ended up pregnant. The man walked out, she had the baby and he was ordered to pay $500 a month in child support.

This link in the only one I could find. It’s the same story but I didn’t see it on Dr. Phil. I saw it on a family law type show. I should point out that in this one, Dr. Phil talks about him not wearing a condom so he should be partly to blame but in the program I saw, he did say he wore a condom for a very long time in the relationship until the woman started feeling like “he didn’t trust her.”

In the end I feel very sorry for this child because this man wants nothing to do with it and at the time I saw this show, he had never seen the child. But this man also pointed out that in this case, it was all up to the woman and he just had to deal with whatever she wanted to do and that she had many other choices but he only had her choice.

What do you think? I know women who tried to get pregnant and we’ve all heard the “she tricked him” stories. I feel in this case that I feel for this man. He had made the decision that he never wanted kids to the extreme that he’d tried getting a vasectomy and she got pregnant on purpose while lying to him about not being able to get pregnant and then being on the pill. So if she just wanted a baby, why sue him for the next 18 years? Don’t you find this woman has any responsibility at all in this? I know everyone will mention and feel for the child but the horse is already out of the barn door and this situation is already a situation.

Do you think the man should have to pay?

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14 Responses to Forced to be a father

  1. Sue says:

    If he NEVER wanted children then he should have protected himself at ALL times. Period. She’s as much to blame as he is in this case. I didn’t go to the link, but if you’re willing to do the crime, you’d better be ready to do the time! Why she even went after him for child support knowing he wants nothing to do with the child I don’t get either. Why not wipe your hands clean from someone like that and be glad he’s not in your child’s life?

    • pammy wammy says:

      I agree wholeheartedly with all Sue said.
      But I do feel bad for the child as it gets older.
      Her best bet would be to get on with their lifes and move on.A Dad not wanting you is sad.The child might be happier if the dad just stayed out of his life.

  2. mssc54 says:

    Boo-hoo, boo-hoo poor man.

    “What do you think?” Boo-hoo, boo-hoo poor man.

    “He had made the decision that he never wanted kids to the extreme that he’d tried getting a vasectomy” That’s BS: vasectomies are reversable.

    “and she got pregnant on purpose while lying to him about not being able to get pregnant and then being on the pill.” – So what and I’ll he was ALWAYS completely honest to her about EVERYTHING too.

    “So if she just wanted a baby, why sue him for the next 18 years?” – Well because he is the one who stuck his penis inside her vagina, knowing that there is some degree of risk of pregnancy. Abstenance only is the only 100% guarantee of no pregnancy. He played so now he pay$!

    Don’t you find this woman has any responsibility at all in this? – Of course she does! She is the person who is going to be there raising the child 24 hours a day for the next couple of decades.

    Do you think the man should have to pay? – Ded-gum-right Mr. I. Ride Free should pay! Who in their right mind believes that you can have sex with a woman of child bearing age and there is a 100% guarantee that she will NEVER get pregnant?

    Just another example of a man wanting to have some “regular” without having to have the ultimate responsibility.

    Hopefully this woman can get her act together, find a man who will love her and the child. Then she can get Mr. I. Ride Free to relenquish his parental rights and let the child be adopted.

  3. Laura says:

    Assuming that he was telling the truth, and she DID tell him that she couldn’t get pregnant, then he shouldn’t have to pay, based on the fact that she lied.

    This may be an unpopular opinion, but here’s my rationale:

    (1) If a guy tells a girl, “oh, honey, don’t worry, I had a vasectomy,” and then she gets pregnant anyway, you can BET that guy is going to be on the hook for child support. Even if it’s the girl who said she didn’t want kids, and refused to use further protection.

    (2) If she gets pregnant and wants an abortion, she gets one, often without even notifying the father that there is a child in the first place. Even if that guy would have taken the child and raised it, without any help or support from her, he is, more often than not, kept out of this decision-making process because it’s “her body, and her choice”.

    I agree that the guy in this situation SHOULD have used further protection, however, I can understand why he didn’t. His biggest fault lies with believing this conniving witch.

    Further, making him pay child support simply reinforces the idea that she can lie and get away with it. It also requires that this child start life with a dysfunctional parental relationship, right off the bat.

    A better solution, perhaps, would be for the court to issue an order for the medical community to perform that vasectomy immediately, to prevent further occurrences like this. (the court should remove the child, as well, and place it with a loving adoptive family that really wants it, but that’ll never happen)

    Yes, I know it sounds cruel, but the woman knew GOING IN that this could happen – especially if she was lying with this exact outcome in mind. She knew that if she got pregnant, she’d get the court’s support, as well as forcing his.

  4. Just a Mom says:

    I think he should terminate his parental rights and not have to pay.

  5. Doraz says:

    Well, talk is cheap. Things are what they are. Live with it and do the right thing!

  6. nikki says:

    Hmm sorry but I do feel for this man. Should he be held responsible yea. But it’s sad that that women brought a baby into this world knowing full well that the “dad” never wanted kids. He should have worn protection yes, but she should not have lied either. It’s sad either way you look at it because the child is the one that really suffers. I kinda agree with JAM, but some states if there isn’t another man willing to step up and be this child’s father he can’t just give up rights. That’s how it is here in MN. I know someone who tried to exactly that. This women had a child, didn’t tell the father, he found out and tried to give up rights. This is her 4th child, 3rd father. People, women, need to seriously think about what they are doing! I of course hold men responsible to a point. A lot of women trick men into being fathers, it isn’t right and now we have just one more child without a father! Not to say a child can’t grow up to be a great human being,I’m just saying I would have loved to have my father want to be part of my life, it very well could have made a huge difference.

  7. SKL says:

    The law can’t be squishy on this matter. It’s there to protect every child’s claim for support by each of his/her parents. The child did not defraud anyone and deserves support just as much as any other child.

    Better to make the dad liable, but allow him a counter-claim against her in the same amount. She defrauded him and she should pay for the child support it cost him, as well as all court and lawyer fees. So in this very unusual case (assuming all the “facts” stated are true), he gets justice without compromising the law about kids’ rights to support.

    I also hope the man thinks a little more about whether he wants to be a part of his child’s life. People do change. There are plenty of unplanned pregnancies that end up being wanted children.

  8. Jen says:

    Honestly I have no sympathy for either one of them. I think they both should have to bear responsibility for this child. The father may choose to not participate but he still needs to take responsibility for his actions.

    Together they were two consenting adults who had sex. They made a decision and this is the result of that decision. Life is unpredictable…there are no guarantees….every decision we make has a positive or negative reaction. That’s reality.

    They both made the decision…it’s unfortunate that there was an undesired result but such is life…

  9. money says:

    I think this is a typical example of one law being to broad. This should be clearly heard as an individual situation. Put to panel of peers. I know so many fathers that pay threw their teeth to have to fight to see their kids and then dads who want nothing to do with them and get away with not paying. Every case is different. Considering SHE lied and SHE felt it was a trust issue sounds to me like every one loses. Looks like this room is split what would a jury say? I truly feel for a women who is left to hold the baby on her own for some dead beat. But this women basically did the same thing to this man.

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