Disciplining someone else’s child

time outThis story was on the news last night and it really made me think about how people deal with other people’s children in their own homes.

I think it was different for me. I worked in the kids schools and they all knew me and my husband was always the little league coach so I think for us, the kids just kind of knew what to expect when they came over. We really didn’t run into very many kids who didn’t behave at our house. They pretty much just acted like our own two.

This story was done by a pair of married anchors on our local news and the woman tended to be a little more laid back while the man was a little more like “hey, we don’t do that here” and they wondered if that was “mean” or not. I kind of think telling it like it is okay. The woman in charge of the story tended to think it was about not embarrassing your kids and making sure they were okay with how you treated their friends.

Have you had to handle this kind of thing yet? If not, how do you plan to handle it when you get your kids friends in your home and they really aren’t acting the way you’d like them to?

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14 Responses to Disciplining someone else’s child

  1. mssc54 says:

    We have had lots of other people’s kids in our home over the years. Although everyone has to abide by the same rules I may (probably) are more “relaxed” in the way I explain it to them… the first time.

    In fact one snotty little girl I made go back out side and pick up our little girl’s toys she left in the yard. “We like that enjoy coming over and playing with Lindsay and Lindsay really likes when you come over to play. But we like for Lindsay to pick up her toys when she is finished. How about if you go back outside and get those toys you brought out and bring them back into her room?”

    I just really wanted to slap the little brat but….

  2. SKL says:

    I will definitely tell any child when she is doing something I don’t accept in my house. I haven’t had any situations where a parent was sitting “right there” and ignoring destructive or dangerous behavior. But I’ve had times when the parent was in the next room, ignoring the kids. The kids were pulling ornaments off our Christmas tree and refused to stop it after being asked repeatedly. Finally I made a vague threat in “that voice” – that I’d be “very disappointed” if they did it again – and they shaped right up.

    A 3-year-old boy who was quite spoiled was being obnoxious toward me – quietly, repeatedly scratching, kicking, hitting me as I read to him. I warned that if it continued I would leave and go lock myself in my room. It continued, I left, and the child began screaming and crying. Everyone thought I had “done something” to him, LOL. They probably still think I was the worst hag, but seriously, was I supposed to just smile and keep reading? Tattle? Right or wrong, the child stopped behaving obnoxiously toward me for the remainder of the extended visit.

    I don’t expect perfection, but I will draw the line where kids are getting physical with my kids, being destructive, taking unacceptable risks, or being really loud for an extended time period. It hasn’t happened with my kids around so far, but if it did, I’d probably remove my own kids (e.g., send them to their room even if they are less guilty), and if the other kids’ parents weren’t around, I’d invite the kids to go home. And they would not be back until they could personally assure me that they would conduct themselves appropriately in my house. If I couldn’t kick the kids out, I’d find something “safe” for them to do such as yard work.

    I recall a family that used to visit us when we were kids (my dad’s friends). My mom would say, “__’s coming over with her brats; hide everything you don’t want to see broken.” And we did – seriously. For good reason.

  3. joanharvest says:

    Most kids that used to come to my house were fairly well behaved. As my son got older I had to ask a few to leave but that was in his older teen years. I did have a problem in my store when people would come in and let their children “play” with the stock. I actually had a woman tell her three year old to sit by the big basket of soaps and play with them. I didn’t say a word to the child but I certainly said something to the child’s dumbass mother.

  4. Sue says:

    I haven’t had a problem yet. I say yet b/c I’ve seen the kids in my daughter’s grade and cringe! Some of those girls are so mean and I’m better than you attitude it drives me nuts! If I have to say anything it’s usually a “hey hey, let’s not do that please” b/c I don’t want them running home saying “Trinity’s mom yelled at me!!!”

  5. javajunkee says:

    this is why I have one SIL to this day who does not talk to me…I don’t give a rats ass never liked her anyhow..but our kids were NEVER allowed to treat our house like a jungle gym. What I mean by that was ..they weren’t to do stuff that would damage the home…have fun yes…destructive NO! And they just never did it…it was a given and they understood it.
    We had lived out here for almost 7 years …with no damage done by our children and my SIL brought one of her grandsons out. He started climbing my screen door to the point of yanking the screen out..I waited a minute for her to do something and she didn’t so I got up ..and took him off my door like you would a cat or anything else climbing on a door. I sat him down on the deck to which she yanked him up and went to the car. WTF? R U SERIOUS??? That was like 7 years ago and she still doesn’t talk to me. All because of that. And she has admitted that it was that.
    You would have thought I screamed and yelled and threw his ass to the ground. Holy crap! Sometimes you don’t just sit by and watch if the parents or guardians aren’t going to do anything. In my case the kid would have eventually fallen or cut himself and she would have tried to sue my ass.

  6. Tosha says:

    I treat ALL kids in my house as if they were my own. Actually I tend to treat all children as if they were my own no matter where we are. I’d say unless we are at their house but I often find myself getting onto my nephew at my sisters house b/c frankly she doesnt do it and he yells and screams at her and it drives me insane. NO FREAKING WAY! He’s not going to do it when i’m around.. I don’t care who says what. Control your kids or I will.

    At my house I’m worse than if we are in public or at someone elses house. I have rules. You either follow them or you don’t come here.. PERIOD. There are no exceptions. I treat everyone equally. And thats the way I think it should be. Maybe thats b/c I was raised like that. My mom treated all kids equally. She didn’t care if they were hers or not. I grew up babysitting and around kids my whole life.

  7. Just a Mom says:

    I find good kids tend to hang out with good kids. I usually tell them to stop running or yelling once or twice and if they absolutely will not stop I send them home. I have only had to do that one time!
    I have to laugh because the other day my 17 year old daughter had a friend eat dinner with us and he started texting at the table while I was putting the food on. I told him, “Sorry but that (the cell phone) is going to have to leave my table. We actually eat and talk to each other at my dinner table.” He politely said sorry and removed the phone from the table. After dinner he thanked me and he said he wished his family had dinner like that!

  8. Tessa says:

    I would say this is how we behave in this house, and if you don’t do it then you cannot be in our house. Respect is important, and your kids will start misbehaving if other kids in your home are. This happened to our neighbors, and they unfortunately had to tell the parents their kids couldn’t play together anymore. Their kids started misbehaving because the other kids would.

  9. nikki says:

    My house my rules. It’s pretty simple and this house is anything but boring or stiff. Play as you will but do it with respect. I find kids listen better to others rather than their parents. I’ve never had any real issues to be honest. I have kids in this house almost daily. I know how to handle it. Jason on the other hand….he tends to not sugar coat anything. Kids misbehaving is probably one of his biggest pet peeves. I don’t think he’s down right mean~he does get the point across the first time however! Maybe I just do it a little more graciously. LOL!!

  10. Tessa says:

    Nikki, Eric is the same way. lol I think it is a guy thing-they are loud and make sure they are heard the first time!

  11. Gary says:

    We haven’t had a lot of problems with this thankfully. This may sound mean but it is what it is. We have four boys already that need to be “watched” to make sure they don’t tear the crap out of our house. Their ages are 18, 16, 13 and 5 so you can just imagine what can happen when the 3 older boys start arguing and rough housing. The last thing we need is each of them having a friend in the house adding to the situation. If one of them have a friend over, they stay outside or they go somewhere to “hang out” instead of adding MORE kids to the “mad house”.

    • Tosha says:

      Thats pretty much our rule too.. 4 is already ALOT.. anymore just adds to it. Any others who come over for the most part they find themselves outside..

    • SKL says:

      My parents also rarely allowed our neighborhood friends in the house – we simply played outside. But we still had kid house guests sometimes, because my parents’ friends and relatives had kids . . . .

  12. joz1234 says:

    have not had much of an issue with this yet, but it is coming, i am sure.

    My home, my rules.

    I’m tactful
    I’m nice
    but you will play my way or go home.

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