Dear Mom…

shockedA mother passing by her daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, “Mom.” With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion Mom, I’m pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don’t worry Mom, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbor’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

This entry was posted in funny, humor, jokes, teenagers and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Dear Mom…

  1. Sue says:

    I have seen this joke before and love it every time I read it! She makes a good point that there are worse things in life than a report card!

  2. mssc54 says:

    Dear 15 year old daughter. I am so relieved that you did not run off with Ahmed. It’s no big deal that you failed math and your grades in science and english went down. No big deal honey.

    By the way, I won’t be washing any of your clothes until your next report card comes in. Neither will I be spending any money on you except for basic essentials (food and toiletries). If you have restored your grades by the time your next report comes in then we will restore some of your privilages… based on how much your grades improved. Don’t worry honey if you fail the tenth grade it will be so much easier the second year. And BONUS you will get to make all new friends because your other friends will be in the eleventh grade next year. 🙂

    • Laura says:

      I’m copying this down, MSSC, and placing it in my “Refer to this during a Parenting Emergency” file.

      It’s good stuff like this that causes my son to regularly threaten to trade me in on a “nicer” model of mommy.

  3. SKL says:

    Heh heh . . . this is funny, but I may not be able to laugh at it with abandon until my kids are 25 . . . .

  4. shanef says:

    I should of tried something like that when I was younger LOL!!!

  5. Joy says:

    This is a terrific oldie but goodie. It always makes me laugh.

  6. Gary says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! I have never seen that one before and almost fell off the couch from laughing so hard! THAT’S FUNNY! 😀

  7. nikki says:

    Well I must be under a rock b/c this is the 1st time ever reading it! I’m SO glad I did!!! Smart girl…even though her report card doesn’t sound very good! LMAO

  8. javajunkee says:

    that was flippin hilarious! I would have either been really relieved or really pissed off 🙂

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