Being honest or being mean. Is there a difference?

Don't-Rain-on-My-ParadeI’ve been thinking of this post for most of the week and trying to think of wording it the right way. I guess to me, it comes down to either being nice to someone or telling a little white lie that won’t hurt a soul. So what is it that you do?

Let me try to explain “kind of” what I’m getting at. If someone say LOVED a movie and you weren’t really wild about it, would you say you didn’t like it or would you just say you thought it was good too? Me, if I knew someone who was all excited over a good book or a movie that they loved, I wouldn’t rain on their parade. I’d say I thought the book or the movie was okay too. What does that hurt?

MIND YOU, I’m not saying if they asked me first if I liked a book or movie before they spent money on it. I’m talking about after that fact. After the fact that by saying I hated the book or thought the movie was dumb would maybe just hurt them or take away the joy of it for them and I see no purpose in that.

Now, lets talk other things. I have a couple of TV shows that I really enjoy. I have someone in my life who will ask how I liked it the day after it’s on and will then go on to tell me how dumb she thinks that show is. Why ask me then? Why tell me she hates it if she’s going to ask me about it? Just let me like the stupid show and if you don’t care, don’t ask me.

I have found with people who don’t know me in real life that this really bothers me all the more. I think if someone is “joking around” and they really know me, it’s easier to take than strangers just trying to tick me off or are just being nasty.

Last Monday our Vikings played Green Bay on Monday night football. It should have been the most fun game of the year for us. Especially having Brett Farve this year. I mean this state was electric for this game. We were all psyched out and could hardly stand the wait. We had our Viking clothes on and had snacks and pop ready. I go on Facebook to talk to everyone. To my dismay I see how many of my “friends” were telling me they hoped the Vikings would lose and how they hate Brett Farve and how they are Packer fans when I know they aren’t! I read that Brett Farve is OLD and shouldn’t be playing. I wonder if they even saw the game cause if he’s old, I’ll take being old any day. Then I had a few “friends” telling me the Vikings suck FOR NO REASON and you know what, all these people really hurt my feelings. I mean what’s the point of this kind of thing? To just try and ruin the game for us or wreck our fun? Some years we don’t even get a Monday night game but to have one with Green Bay under these circumstances was beyond anything we could ever have imagined and yet some people had to be real jerks and I wonder what the pay off is for them. To just be mean and nasty??? Is that it??

I will tell you that I don’t love all your guy’s teams but I’d never tell you they suck or I hope they lose. I would wish you well and give you a high five if your team wins or a “better luck next time” if they lost but I’d never shove your face in it or tell you I hate your team or a book you liked or a movie or anything that excited you. If you are my friend, why would I want to bring you down or hurt your feelings?

What kind of person is it who’s always putting your stuff down in the name of “honesty?” Is being honest more important that being nice? I’ll tell you another thing. I lost a lot of respect for quite a few people this week for the behavior and the childish things that have been said. I just find that there are times when it’s just best to keep your big fat trap shut and if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all because it sucks to have your feelings hurt over something that’s important to you and the meanness is just so unnecessary.

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22 Responses to Being honest or being mean. Is there a difference?

  1. Vicki says:

    If someone said they liked a movie and i didnt i would just say i didnt care that much for it..not a big deal, to each is own.
    as far as the people going on about the Vikes KNOWING what a huge fan u are.. i wouldnt of been able to resist and wouldve rubbed it in there noses big time after we won, done the victory dance..heehawww…call me spiteful…although i think i wouldve spoke up when they were cutting them down.

  2. Perez Christina says:

    great post.. I totally agree

  3. Jun says:

    “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but do not say it meanly.”


  4. shanef says:

    After we beat the Cheeseheads I would of went back into facebook and rubbed it in and threw it right back at those people who tried to rain on “our parade” by that I mean all of us who bleed purple! They didn’t have to be mean about it!

  5. trishatruly says:

    I’m really glad I kept my trap shut.. but then I would because I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about football or most sports! And I LIKE you!

    So I agree. What was their motivation in dissing your team when they obviously could see your love and enthusiasm for it?

    *shakes head*

    I don’t get it either, Joy. I am proud of you for writing this and being upfront about your feelings. If I HAD been so stupid and mean I would want to know I had hurt you and I would try to make amends. I hope they have enough integrity to do that.

    • Joy says:

      Thanks Trisha. You know, it was hard for me to write this. It’s hard to write honest stuff but this really bothered me because I can’t figure out why anyone would want to take this fun away from us. Nikki, Sue and I have a lot of the same friends on FB so it was done to them too. Sue was on call that night though and wasn’t on FB like she normally is so she missed it. I’m not really sure if it hurt Nik’s feelings or not but I don’t see how it didn’t/couldn’t have.

      I guess you live and learn. I also know I need to have thicker skin and not let stuff like this bother me so much but the deliberate meanness of this really did bother me because I’m still not sure why anyone would act like that.

  6. Joy says:

    It’s really hard for me to rub people’s noses in things. I’ve never been able to do that well. Also, like I said, I wouldn’t have cared AT ALL had any of these people been Green Bay fans. I mean we all like different teams and there is a lot of diversity just with all the different people that come here but it was the meanness of it that got to me. People just wanting us to lose for no reason and taking a lot of the fun away for me. I noticed Nikki had a few people like that too. I do have to say, since then, I haven’t gone to Facebook that much and probably won’t for a while. I like the “togetherness” of it and talking but I’m to old for this deliberate “Mean Girls” crap.

  7. javajunkee says:

    If I would have said anything I would have totally been joking cuz I know nothing about sports or what is going on. I watch games if people have them on at their house but other than the Chicago Bears back in the 80’s…I am clueless…but I would totally joke with people about it.

    as far as movies go…I will still argue about Twilight with ANYBODY..but it’s only MY opinion! 🙂 … vampires don’t sparkle in the sun..they burn the hell up! There I said it..please don’t hate me! 😉

    I tend to be too honest at times and then there are times I just have to pull a white lie out. SIGH!

  8. nikki says:

    Ya know that thing called “Minnesota Nice” more people should live by it. I was on the phone with my sister before the game and we were talking about how excited we all were. To most people this game was like any other but for us it was so much more than JST a game. Her mom was in the background saying some stuff like…ohhh I can find something better than THAT on! OK then do that and don’t bring me down!
    On Facebook I did have some that weren’t nice but I also had some that weren’t Vikings fans also cheering for us. I have a friend that lives in Boston and he was even cheering for the Twins!! Those people I call “friends”….the others…I have to time for.
    When it comes down to it I believe some people in this world simply want to be a downer…some one who will say the opposite of what you like for the simple fact of disagreeing. Honesty is one of the best qualities someone can have…but when it’s at the cost of someones feelings being hurt…I’d rather be told a lil white lie. Keep your mouth shut and let us be happy! I have one FB friend in particular that HATES Favre. Says he’s a flip flopper….actually no he isn’t…anymore. He’s a Viking and a damn good one. Get over it..I am SO sick of hearing it! What is it going to take for him to say…”Good job Favre!”
    As for movies/books/food….if it’s not for me then I say that in a nice way or I say it was a “good” movie…simply put. I am a very sensitive person therefor I am very aware of what I say and how it will affect the person. Some people either A. don’t care or B. they don’t think. Think before you speak!

  9. Sue says:

    As far as the books/movies/places to eat/things like that, I’m honest about how I feel. It’s my opinion and you have your opinion so what’s the harm in being honest? If you loved a book and I didn’t (or vice versa) and I told you I loved it too, to me that’s being fake. I don’t want people to agree with me all the time or feel like they have to agree with me for fear of hurting my feelings. Especially when it comes to what I’m wearing! If I look like an idiot somebody better tell me! It’s all in the delivery too. You don’t have to be an ass when you say it. (But the people who agrue with you on a daily basis is another thing!)

    When it comes to sports and being a fan, I think you have to expect some teasing from anybody b/c there’s always going to be somebody who hates the team you love. But, there’s a fine line between teasing and taunting/being mean on purpose. And again, it’s all in the delivery. I also think that when you’re a true die hard fan, you take things people say about your team a little more seriously. Live and learn and then get Love 🙂

  10. Tosha says:

    I’m usually honest.. But its not always what you say as much as how you say it. We can’t expect people to like everything we like. And if I dont like something i’m honest about it. But I won’t put someone down for liking it. To each his own. Our differences are what makes life bearable.. right?

    I can be an obnoxious twit (well not a twit. but an ass rather) when I wanna be.. I can behave badly and be mean if I want to be. I don’t do that often.. But occasionally it does strike.. Usually with reason.

    But as far as just voicing my opinion rudely and putting someone elses down.. nope.. not usually my style..

  11. nikki says:

    Both Sue and Tosha are making great points….it’s how you say it sometimes rather than what you are saying.
    I think the point Joy is trying to make though for the most part is this….I don’t think these people really hate the team or book or movie…they simply like to argue. That’s not being’s jst mean.

  12. pammy wammy says:

    When someone really cares about another,you dont rain on their parade.I am not into sports,but I know alot who take pride in their team.And good for them.You can be honest without hurting another.I admire those who celebrate the big game day,its fun to watch them get so excited.
    I cant relate to sports,but I have my favorite things and appreciate others respecting my enthusiasm in those areas.Dont rain on my parade.

  13. SKL says:

    I haven’t experienced Facebook, so I really don’t know the general “tone” of discussion on there. Some sites just seem to invite more negativity / argumentativeness than others. I personally will go from being Sweet Mary Sunshine on one site to jumping on some stranger’s sh!t on another, because that’s what the environment on the site seems to call for. Now on facebook, I don’t know whether the tone is set more by the individual or more by the overall feel of Facebook itself. I do know that Facebook can get really ugly, from what I’ve heard.

    So anyhoo, about football, I know I left a comment or two on your blog (particularly when you guys were playing us), but I hope you knew they were purely in fun. How does one get into the spirit of football without REALLY wanting to win (hence wanting the other side to lose)? But I would never intentionally hurt feelings on account of a ball game – especially one that I’m not even playing in. Yet if I unintentionally did so, I’m sorry.

    As for honesty, I will try to find something nice to say, but I won’t lie. It takes creativity sometimes, but it’s rare that one can find nothing whatsoever that is positive about another person’s interest. If I can’t think of anything positive, I’ll just say “that’s great” like “I’m glad you’re having fun,” without getting into my opinion unless I’m pressed. If I’m pressed, well, my view is, if you don’t want an honest answer, don’t ask the question.

    And now I think I will go visit the site that brings out the worst in me. Joy, you are my inspiration!

  14. Just a Mom says:

    If I don’t like a movie or a book that somebody loves I would tell them “Sorry I didn’t/don’t like that it’s just not up my alley.” But that is it, there is no need to bad mouth.
    As for sports we all have our favorite teams but you don’t have to be mean to other people just because you don’t like their teams. There is sportsmanship in being a viewer too in my opinion!

  15. Gary says:

    If I knew your phone number I would call you Joy. LOL

  16. LVISS says:


  17. Pingback: Spoilers « Joy, Nikki, Sue, Laura & Pam~Our Views

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