I’ve been in recent contact with an old friend. I have to admit that I haven’t talked to her in about 6 years and in that time both our lives have really changed. We got reconnected quite by accident. Someone who knows us both, sent a joke so I dropped her an email since I didn’t know her address till I got that joke.
She’s been in a rocky relationship for years with the same guy. They are not married but have been together for the last 10 years or so. As she was describing to me why things weren’t going so hot, it came to me that the reason she’s falling out of love with him is the same reason she fell in love with him. He doesn’t come home when he says he will and when he does show up, he’s usually pretty drunk or he’s so late that they just end up fighting so it’s a vicious circle. He’ll know he’s going to be late, he knows there will be a fight so he just stays away. He’s the “life of the party” and I remember her telling me that’s what she loved about him. He was always up for anything. Well, now I guess when she’s sitting at home and he’s the “life of the party” somewhere else, it’s not so much “fun” anymore. It’s also called not growing up which he probably never will do but she has and their life responsibilities have changed.
Then it occurred to me how often that happened. I know someone else who thinks her husband is a total bore. He never wanted to go anywhere. He just likes being at home. She used to think it was great that he liked being at home with her and be content to watch a movie and have popcorn. He wasn’t into the bar scene or party scene at all and she loved that. When she married him and he never wanted to go anywhere, she didn’t like it.
Now with both of these men, neither of them pretended anything different. They were who they were.
Do you think people don’t realize this at the time or do you think people think they can “change” people? I feel really sorry for my friend because she’s really going through a lot but I don’t know what to say to her. I haven’t talked to her in so long that I hate to say that “you loved that about him before.” It was a big attraction for her and she loved it about him. I’m wondering if I should just keep my mouth shut.
What do you think? Do you think most people fall out of love for the same reason they fell in love in the first place or are these two couples just a coincidence?