Today, I thought I would bring to you some of the humor that greeted me this morning.
Each morning, I listen to the radio a little, surf a little, and read a little. Most of the time, whatever I find just depresses the living bat snot out of me. But some days, like this morning, I giggle. A lot.
I decided I needed to share it with all of you.
Here’s what started it.
More proof that we are all Rednecks: “If you buy your Mama’s coffin at Wal-mart, you might be a Redneck.”
Yep, you read that right. Wal-mart has decided to follow Costco’s lead, and offer coffins and burial urns (engraved, even! “Dad Remembered” or “Mom Remembered”).
So then I moved on to this lovely note from Governor Schwarzenegger to the California Legislature:
(larger image may be viewed here)
Pretty innocuous, right? “With all the crap that’s wrong in this state, you send me this drivel? No, I’m not going to sign it.” Except… read down the left-hand side. Top to bottom. First letters only, excluding the T and the I in the first two sentences.
Yep. You read that right. The Governator just said “F-You” to his Legislature. (according to this story, it was directed at a particular member of that legislature, but I prefer to think it was directed at politicians in general)
And then, as if that didn’t just tickle me right down both of my funny bones, my brother completed the trifecta by sending me this:
I nearly cried, I laughed so hard. Then I started thinking, “Ok, maybe that could be a good idea…” But then I read the last line of the article….
“Isn’t it wonderful that women have two breasts, not just one? We can save not only our own lives, but also a man of our choice next to us.”
Ok, what if I’m walking with my husband and my son? Who do I help? Or what if I have two children? More than two? Do I then have to become Yarna d’al’ Gargan, that many-breasted belly-dancer who appears in Jabba the Hutt’s palace in Return of the Jedi?
And then I thought, what if I’m, um, blessed in the bosom department? I’m thinking the average face mask is around a 36B. What if I’m, say, a 42D? Is there a way to make that mask smaller to fit my face? Or do I just have to invite people in there to breathe the filtered air with me?
Maybe I should just go think about something else, instead, because I can see me getting myself in real big trouble…