2) I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
3) There is a great need for sarcasm font.
4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8) I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
9) Bad decisions make good stories
10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
11) I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
12) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
13) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
14) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
15) I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
16) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.