Catholic Code Words

shhhh…… don’t tell anyone that I told you!!

This information is for Catholics only.  It must not be divulged to non-Catholics.  The less they know about  rituals and code words, the better off they are.

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JONAH: The original ‘Jaws’ story.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO. (The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
MAGI: The most famous trio to ever attend a baby shower.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in most Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

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6 Responses to Catholic Code Words

  1. Ellen says:

    KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava: What about ouzo?…and isn’t Kyrie Eleison Latin? 🙂
    Very funny for a Roman Catholic raised woman! 🙂

  2. Gary says:

    Bwahahahahahahaha….love it and I’m not even catholic. I shoot a lot of catholic weddings though. That counts…right?

  3. Just a Mom says:

    This was funny, but then again I’m a Relic! When we recite prayers in church my youngest daughter has a habit of just softly humming along and then you hear an AMEN! I crack up every time she does it! 🙂

  4. Tessa says:

    Ha! I love it. I was Catholic most of my life. I don’t know what MAGI is though? Funny story, Eric had never been to a Catholic mass before, but when we first started dating serious I took him one Sunday when he wanted to check it out. We sat down in the pew and when he saw the kneelers he said, “Oh, cool, they have footrests!” LOL Oh, it cracked me up. That’s where you pray sweetie! He loves Catholic mass now, but now I want different! lol

  5. sweetiegirlz says:

    Haha. All true…lol.

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