Last week brought the beginning of a season that, for the most part, I can’t wait to be done with! It’s not because I don’t appreciate it or see the value in it; it’s because when you forget what day it is and mess up you feel like you’re doomed for eternity and who likes feeling like that?! It’s the one and only…. Lent!
Don’t get all worried, this post isn’t about religion and what you should/shouldn’t be doing. It’s about me and how I’m doing! Isn’t that better?! LOL! Some background: I’m Catholic and Lent begins on Ash Wednesday and runs to Easter. Us Catholics seem to have much stricter rules during Lent than other religions, but I’m no expert just my observation. I am by no means a perfect churchgoer, but I thought this year I would give it a go and give up something for Lent. First obstacle was actually picking something to give up! I finally chose coffee. I don’t drink a lot of coffee, one cup a day, but I sure have come to enjoy it in the morning. Whether I’m at work or home, it’s nice to have a warm cup to start the day.
I made it through last Thursday and Friday (the 18th and 19th of Feb) without much incident. We had Trin’s b-ball tourney Saturday and as the day wore on I got a rather large headache. It could have been the sitting all day, the noise all day or not eating regularly, but I think the no coffee/caffeine right off the bat played a part. Sunday wasn’t too bad, but it was still there. A dull ache that I couldn’t quite shake. Monday morning I get up for work and guess what. I have a headache as soon as I get out of bed! Now I’m getting really annoyed! The last thing I want to do first thing in the morning is pop pills! Well, by the time I got to work I was popping pills! And then I notice that I’m feeling a little anxious. A little agitated. Like I need something. Then the light bulb goes on. I WANT COFFEE. I JUST WANT A CUP OF COFFEE. I WANT TO HOLD IT AND FEEL IT’S WARMTH. I WANT TO GET A LITTLE KICK. Holy crap! And I only drink ONE cup a day! What’s the matter with me?!
So, every day this past week I’ve had that feeling. That nagging feeling that my routine is off and I need to set it right. I tried drinking tea in the morning, but it’s not the same. I don’t know why since it’s warm and smells good, but it just didn’t cut it. Today, I broke down 😦 I had a cup of coffee. I know 😦 But, I didn’t even drink the whole thing. That’s something, isn’t it?! Now I sit here all jittery and I’ll have to go through withdrawals all over again. It really wasn’t worth it and I know I’ll make it the rest of the way without it.
Tuesday ( the 23rd), I got to thinking about Joy and her having to quit smoking. She didn’t choose to, she HAD to. I smoked for 30 days in college once. I didn’t smoke every day and I didn’t even finish a whole pack of cigarettes in that 30 days, but when I quit it was the same kind of feelings. That feeling like I NEEDED it, like I couldn’t go another moment without it. That scared me! That I could be that addicted to something that fast. I had forgotten that feeling until last week when I gave up coffee. I had forgotten how hard it was to give up something whether you have to or want to. It’s funny, when you forget to do something or have something you normally do in a day it’s no big deal. But, when you are actually thinking, “I can’t have this/I shouldn’t have this” it’s a whole other mind set. Then it’s all you think about.
For all of you out there who have added, subtracted, changed or reworked anything in your life, I’m thinking about you and hoping it works out the way you want it to. Keep up the good work everyone and come Easter I will decide if I really want to go back to coffee. Maybe after these long 40 days we’ll all be able to say we’ve accomplished what we wanted to!