When this came on the news, I knew it was going to be something that would interest me and I was anxious to hear it. Can Facebook and Twitter harm your marriage? I guess I thought it would slam social networking more than it did. It actually said in some cases, it helps some marriages.
For Paul and I, we have fun farming together. We don’t talk back and forth like a lot of the people who were interviewed. Paul isn’t interested in stuff like that. He can’t type well so he avoids doing anything more than playing Braingle on the weekends so no, we don’t “chat” back and forth. I know some people who chat back and forth when they are in the same room.
One of the men in the new story claimed that he and his wife like to flirt with each other and that’s cute I think. When you’re young, I can see that being fun. As long as you’re flirting with your spouse or significant other. One woman said it was a good and different way to get to know each other but there again, it’s sometimes hard to take someone seriously that you don’t really know. If you “know” someone and lost touch or an old classmate or someone from years ago, I agree, it really can be a fun way to reconnect with someone.
Now for us, I think Facebook and some of the games they offer have given Paul and I something to do together where without it, I’d be doing my thing and he’d be doing his. I think it’s been fun for us.
What about you? Do you think the Internet and a lot of this stuff is harming or hurting real life relationships?
Us Girls..Our Views 
I will read the linked article later, and just give you my gut reaction. I think the answer is: yes and no.
I give a fair amount of time to the Internet. Some of it is good for me & mine, and some of it isn’t. When I use the internet to procrastinate instead of getting my work done, then it’s indirectly taking away time that I could be spending with my kids, working on household projects, or visiting with friends. So in that sense, shame on me. But when I am just catching up on the couple dozen sites I enjoy, keeping in touch with friends/out-of-town family, researching a topic / product that is relevant to my family, etc., then I feel the internet can enhance my relationships.
So basically, the internet is cool as long as I don’t use it like a drug.
I agree SKL. It’s moderation. Like everything else.
I think it could hurt marriages, but not necessarily Facebook. When people spend too much more time in general on the internet then with each other, it should be a sign for the couple to have serious talks.
THOUGH I DONT USE THESE SOCIAL NETWOKING SITES MUCH I THINK IT DEPENDS ON WHAT INFO YOU SHARE AND WITH WHOM. IT HAS LED TO A MURDER ALSO .
THE LAST SENTENCE SAYS IT ALL . YOU CAN PUT INTERNET TO BETTER USE THAN SPENDING MORE THAN NECESSARY SPENDING ON THESE. INTERNET IS A SOURCE OF KNOWLEDGE.
Well Facebook is how my husband and I started dating and it was so much fun in the beginning-flirting and teasing.Lots of private messages in my inbox that I couldnt wait to read.SO my answer without a doubt is NO,its not harmful though I might add these days when he comes home from work,I dont really like when he spends to much time on the internet.I suppose I want ALL the attention!People need to keep themselves in check and limit what you do and whatch what you say and I think its a great tool to stay connected,with a friend faraway or your spouse in the same house!
I didn’t know that’s how you and Wes started out. That’s cute Karen.
I know what you mean also about spending time together. Paul’s elbow/wrist had been bothering him for a few weeks and I was getting to the point that I liked him not on the computer all day and night during all his free time. It was fun to watch shows with someone or talk or “something.” Not just farm! But on the other hand. I spend time on them all day so when he gets home I’m lonelier and I look forward to being with someone but for him it’s just down time. There has to be a happy medium somewhere.
Yes Facebook played a huge role in the start of our relationship.We attended the same church but he didnt have the courage to approach me in person(we had never talked) so he sent me a friend request on FB.Well let me tell ya,that was the most exciting friend request Ive recieved!Messaging me allowed him to think over his words and gave him a little more courage with each of my responses.So it really is a great tool for some.Mind you it only was a few days till we started speaking in person.
Yea,its hard to find that happy medium.Even for myself,I find Im on here too much now that Wes is back to work.In the evenings we do try to be “polite” about our time on the computer.I think we both can feel alittle ignored so we try to be sensitve to that and not stay on too long.I do like that you and Paul each have a computer and can farm at the same time but yea,its still nice just to flop on the couch together and share a movie or “something”!
It is really nice to have our own computers. We have one really big living room and we each have our own “work space.” So even if we’re both online doing things, we’re still right next to each other. I work on this blog way more than I’m on Facebook. I didn’t like keeping up his two farms for him and my two at the same time. I started just planting 3 and 4 day crops. I laughed and told him farming that much was too much work!! LOL!!! There does become a point to which something isn’t fun anymore and then it’s time to stop doing it. I do love “talking” with everyone on Facebook but I enjoy blogging much more. I think we talk more meaningful here and get into discussions that wouldn’t come up on Fb.
I’m a lot like Wes too. I find a lot of courage behind my monitor. I’m able to talk a lot more honestly and openly by writing than speaking. I’m very shy in person. I know you won’t believe that but I am. I’m also not confrontational at all and keep everything inside until I just slowly boil. So sometimes by writing, I can get that out.
I am not married,but I love the back and forth poking and the challenge of getting a high score in FARKLE.I connect with family and friends.I lOVE it 🙂 Joy I have had more communication on facebook and here with you than I have in years.I LOVE it 🙂 But I still wanna sit one day and write a old fashion letter of 5 or more pages to you.Some days I miss not recieving lengthy letters anymore 😦
I really love the communication with all of you guys to Pam. It’s been fun getting to know everyone up there again and without Facebook, we may have never done it. A long letter…..what’s that? LOL!! You’re the one who’s good at that. You beat everyone hands down on sending cards.
Like anything else, it’s easy to point at FB or Twitter and say, “Oh, THAT’S what caused our marriage to crumble.”
But the truth of the matter is that marriages rarely fail because of one particular thing. There are so many factors that go into dissolving a relationship – yes, it’s easy to say, “he cheated with so and so that he met on Facebook… it’s Facebook’s fault!”
Well, no, he cheated because there was something fundamentally wrong, with him mostly, and possibly with the marriage.
The outward “cause” of the relationship failure – be it facebook, alcohol, whatever – is simply a vehicle. It is an object. It is the decision of the person utilizing that object to place that object above the relationship.
I do, however, think that it’s inappropriate for couples to fight over the social networking sites.
I’ve known people who have done that, and it’s caused far more harm than good, because it brings their entire social circle into it, blowing what might have been a simple argument over who left the cap off the toothpaste into a Thing. And making the rest of the world unnecessarily uncomfortable, in the process.
I don’t want to see that. Flirting, within reason, ok. But keep the arguments in the kitchen and off the internet.
I think it’s inappropriate to fight over facebook too!!!
Man, I hate that. I recall a “fight” on Facebook and you know what, nothing has ever been the same.
Blame seems so important to a lot of people. It’s not so much to me. If it happens, I don’t always need to know a reason. It’s not going to “undo” anything.
Two girls I went to high school with in Montana just ended a life long friendship over politics on Facebook. One friend does not like Palin, and the other now lives in AK. Apparently the one that lives in AK now did not like the fact that the other didn’t like Palin and “unfriended” her. We’re talking a 30 year friendship, friends since they were babies. We couldn’t believe she would do that! Over politics!!!
Okay, I keep getting sucked back here, I gotta get off this thing! Good discussion!
I don’t think flirting with your husband ever has to stop. To keep it going, the flame alive, you have to do something. If texting, or face-booking helps I say go for it!! I send Jason little notes every once in awhile, even videos of songs I know he likes. More or less, it’s nice to know you are thought about during the day. As long as we both have Facebook, I won’t stop doing that no matter how old we get.
Obviously if you’re a flirt by nature, you’ll probably flirt on any internet site that has communication. Out right flirting is disrespectful to your spouse. Having a flirty, fun personality is okay too but you just have to watch it. Who’s to say you should change your personality. My oldest sister is a flirt by nature but happily married and he knows that! You always have to be aware of who is reading it and what they’re reading into it also.
And Jason and I absolutely have messaged, or Face-booked each other sitting 5 feet away from each other. We have fun with it!
I think it’s a personal choice and different for everyone, what works for one couple may not for another.
I think the whole flirting thing is fun. Well, it would be fun. You know what I mean. I miss that kind of thing. It might be better for us. At least he can read better than he can hear!!
You didn’t mean you and Jason flirt did you?? I thought you didn’t do that anymore.
LOL I’m confused!!!! We don’t flirt with other people, just each other.
Wait, was that sarcasm?! Okay, no we don’t flirt. We don’t touch each other either! 🙂
LMAO!!!! Yes, my sarcasm key was turned on. Can’t you see it on your end?
LOL…they really do need to invent that don’t they?!
I do know one person who met someone on the internet and then cheated on her husband with him, and ended up divorced. But that person has so many issues. If someone wants to fool around, she’s going to do it with or without the internet.
Toby hates anything to do with the computer! He thinks FB, IM and blogging are just stupid ways to gossip about people or things. He thinks I spend way too much time doing those things even though he doesn’t seem to see all the other stuff I do during the day when he’s at work. I think it he actually tried it it might change his tune, but that’s not happening anytime soon! There’s a happen medium for everyone and I think that’s different for everyone too.
I don’t use these networking sites but I think if a person is honest and upfront about being married and flirts only with his significant other it’s ok… But most people out there do take it to the max and flirt their behinds off
I forgot to add that mom told me in my home town a married man had a facebook affair with a 21yr old, they planned to meet, told each other what they’ll wear and the girl turned out to be with daughter who was away in varsity.
I think spending too much time on any one thing will harm your relationships. The internet can be addictive. I definitely have spent too much time in the past on here! But when Eric is home, I make him a priority. I can see it getting in the way for others though, and it is sad. Like Nikki said, people end friendships too and this is sad, then internet use it too much. People feel too free to say what they want without thinking online or over texting. People like this need to think about their priorities and maybe get a new hobby!
I honestly don’t think that it’s doing one thing or another. What I mean is this: I think that a marriage works or doesn’t work because of the people involved, not the media they use to communicate. Some couple can have long and lovely chats on the phone during the day when they’re not together – some don’t talk at all while they’re in different places. I think social networking can never be a substitute for real conversation between a married couple, and shouldn’t be. Social networking is definitely a fun medium to use to get in touch with people far away in time or space, but I don’t believe it should substitute real life contact.