I have a confession to make.
I’m a complainer.
I KNOW! You never woulda guessed it, would you, if I hadn’t said it here and now, preserved on the internet for all eternity, destined to mess up any employment prospects I may ever have, in perpetuity. Anyway…
Here’s my Pet Peeve of the Month (I may turn that into a “thing” here): Magazines.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I *heart* magazines. I have a couple subscriptions and buy a few more throughout the year, as articles grab me. But honestly, there are some things that just drive me bat-snot crazy.
Here are a few:
The “Lose A Massive Amount of Weight Overnight……Make this Calorie/Fat Overload Recipe” Cover-grab:
First, we have the attention-grabbing main story: .”..Abby lost 100 Lbs of STRESS FAT! – Turn off comfort-food cravings! – Lose 7 lbs in a week!!” This handy bulleted list pulls your eye straight down to the little crowned-cupcakes and the recipe section: “Treat yourself like a Princess!!”
Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t cupcakes one of the self-same “comfort foods” that the previous headline promised to help you beat? No wonder women have body-image complexes… “Lose weight! Lose weight! Lose weight! … Eat THIS!!! And THIS!!! AND THIS, TOO!!!”
Here, we have the “Look at OUR AD and nothing else” magazine insert:
This is an insert that I had previously ripped out, then stuck back in for the picture. But the concept remains the same. Jones New York has inserted a little heavy card stock booklet within the pages of the magazine. Ok, fine. Put it in there, I can rip it out and move on with my life. But can I? CAN I???
Apparently not. Because in order for that little booklet to remain in its proper place in the magazine, they had to insert a permanent heavy card stock TAB for the booklet to be glued to. Because regular magazine paper is too flimsy. So ripping out the booklet didn’t solve the overarching problem, which is that it is impossible to read any other page of the magazine without fighting to keep the page open to the one you want displayed. And it’s nearly impossible to remove that tab without ripping the pages around it in half. Guess it accomplishes Jones’ mission, though – it gets them noticed. But I’m not sure if it’s in a good way…
Continuing to move on, but pausing for a moment to watch my bluebirds, because my blood pressure is bubbling.
Here’s another little joy that’s started popping up in my magazines:
This one is an ad. These pages happen to have ads on all sides, so it’s not so bad. I can tear out the entire page and continue like nothing happened. But the ones that really send me ‘round the bend are the ones that are ads on one side of the fold-out, and story copy on the other. And the story copy is part of another story in the magazine – in other words, not meant to be torn out and displayed anywhere. I’ve seen these fold-out pages in exercise magazines, and they act like a poster, with the related explanation on one side, pictures on the other. You tear it out, stick it to your wall, and there are the photos of the exercises that you’re supposed to be doing to lose those 7 lbs this week so you can eat the cupcakes that will make you feel like a princess.
And why, you ask, do the fold-out pages make me crazy? (like I’m not already) Because of the foldover nature of the magazine. Generally, when you’re reading a magazine, you fold the half that you’re not reading over backward – or under the magazine itself:
So, I’m holding the folded-over magazine, and it starts to slip, because I’m trying to grip a page that’s actually a fold-out and not attached to anything! I know, it’s a little thing. But the whole point of reading a magazine is to relax. So they put blood-pressure irritating crap into it, why?