Free Chat Thursday

Morning all! I’m just a mixture of emotions this week. I apologize if this gets too negative Nelly on ya!

Laura’s post from some time ago , When Tragedy Strikes, keeps coming back to me. I’m sending you to the part II of her post because it includes the link to part I. I’ve talked about my friend I grew up with who just recently won the fight against cancer. She is in remission and doing okay. Not good, just okay. Now she has blood clots in her lungs. She also recently fell and hit her head, after a dizzy spell. She still lives in the city we grew up in, as do many of the people we grew up with. I see all the time all over her Facebook page, the public messages to her, inspiring words, words of love and compassion. These are people who live by her. Have any of them gone to see her, help her? No. They offer it all the time though. I’m having a hard time understanding people’s motives. It seems as though there are people in this world who will only do what they are recognized for. Why is that? Why don’t people just help, no one needs to know that you are a great friend but that person. That is who should really know it, and feel it. I find it sad, that me 2,000 miles away is her confidant. Not that I am complaining, I love her and I do what I can from this far away. But why can’t the people, like me that have known her practically her whole life step up?! It bothers me. 😦 I had to get that off my chest.

So, Bailey had his tryout for baseball on Sunday. This was the first time he had to tryout for anything. He wasn’t nervous at all. He was excited, he had been practicing everything he learned. There are 2 teams they are making. AA team and AAA team. The AAA team being the better of the two. Obviously that’s his goal, but we did talk and there is always the chance of not making either of them. Unlikely in my eyes, but you do have to prepare them for that outcome. That’s not to say he wouldn’t still be devastated if  he didn’t make a team.

We weren’t allowed to stay for the tryout. We were, to our surprise, nicely asked to leave. They don’t want parents interfering in any way. We both understood that. So now we wait. The teams will be posted online April 5th at 9am. Keep your fingers crossed! 🙂

My mom will be flying in from California on Sunday for a week. She’s in the process of moving back here, she’ll be job hunting and hopefully interviewing while she’s here. Wednesday we’re taking the kids, Bailey and my brothers 3-year-old daughter to the Science Museum. I love that place so much! They have this maze of tunnels.  I can’t even tell you how excited I am to play in there. It’s beyond FUN! They also have “The Dead Sea Scrolls” exhibit open now. Bailey’s excited to see that. Him and his dad are History channel addicts.

I hope everyone had a great week, and has an ever better weekend!! 🙂

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37 Responses to Free Chat Thursday

  1. mssc54 says:

    “Now she has blood clots in her lungs.”

    My Mrs. had a PE several years ago. She could hardly breath. I learned then that only 25% of people that get a PE live. If your friend has blood clots on her lungs (pulmenary embolism (sp)) and is out of the hospital she too has beat the odds.

    “These are people who live by her. Have any of them gone to see her, help her? No. They offer it all the time though. I’m having a hard time understanding people’s motives.”

    Let me help you with this Nikki. Seriously. Here’s the deal. People want to feel good about themselves. MOST people say, “If there is anything I can do just let me know” all the while never, ever, ever meaning they would actually DO something. They just want to be able to feel good about OFFERING to help… not actually DOING something to help the person. They feel good and that’s what’s important – to them.

    “They have this maze of tunnels.”

    If you have walkie talkies take them with you!!

  2. Joy says:

    I have LOTS to talk about but I’m way to tired to get into anything other than some Wii bowling and a Miller High Life. I didn’t sleep good last night and then when I tried to nap this afternoon, the gods were against me so my butt is dragging now. I’ll be back tomorrow.

  3. SKL says:

    I know the usual tendency is to avoid people who we assume will be “needy,” including people who are very sick. There’s this feeling that the neediness will be more than we can bear. I think we forget that even bedridden people can hold a conversation, have a sense of humor, and be considerate of others’ needs. I have been guilty of this.

    I had a work friend who was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I kept saying I was going to go visit her. Our work colleague used to go fairly often and I’d tell him to tell her I’m thinking of her and I’m planning to get over to visit her soon. But a long time passed before I did. I felt like I wouldn’t have anything to say and it would be uncomfortable for her as well as me. But when I finally went, it wasn’t like that at all. Yes, it was sad to see her wearing kid-sized pajamas because she was physically wasting away. But she was still my friend and had plenty to think and talk about. I was so glad I made it to see her before she died. Not that her happiness pivoted on my attention, but at least she knew she wasn’t “out of sight, out of mind.”

    Well, I am getting over some kind of bug that had me sick for about 5 days. So not much is happening here. At least, not much that I remember.

    Anyone had any fun filling out the census form? What did you think of the fact that 2/3 of the form was about what color you are and whether or not you are Hispanic? Oh, and they make a big deal out of how Hispanic is an ethnicity rather than a race, yet you are forced to say you are Hispanic if you have biological roots in a country where they speak Spanish, even if (a) your lifestyle has no connection with that culture and (b) your biological parents didn’t even speak Spanish. If it’s so important for them to know the minute details of your Hispanic heritage, why weren’t there any questions whatsoever about any other “ethnicity”? Oh, and since when is “white” a race? Needless to say, I had a bit of fun filling out the form for myself and the 5 others living here, of diverse “races” and “ethnicities.”

    Say, we have this house guest (indefinite stay) who gets on my nerves. He doesn’t mean to be an ass, but he irritates me, especially when he’s dealing with my kids. One minute he’s over-indulging them, and then he’s telling them off. Last night there was a thunderstorm and I was upstairs. The girls (who sleep downstairs) got scared. One of the aunties came to tell me. I was brushing my teeth, but when I went down a minute later, the aunty and this guy were in my kids’ bedroom. Call me weird, but I don’t like him in their bedroom. I don’t want to be a bitch, but how do I keep my kids at arm’s length from this guy without hurting feelings?

    I’m starting to teach my girls the story of Easter. It’s kind of weird because my youngest always wants to know “why” people do things. Why did the people turn against Jesus? All I could think of to say was “it was all politics.” I think when I was little, I just would have assumed people did bad things because they were bad people. Or maybe that’s how my parents would have explained it. Should I be dumbing it down? My kids do have some worldly knowledge. Today their topics of conversation ranged from “Nazis” to “instruments” to “paleontologists” (their words). Things sure are different from when I was a kid.

    • Joy says:

      I know too how people avoid people who are sick. Here is my question. What if you really don’t/didn’t see someone very often and then they got sick? Do you all of a sudden go see them all the time or is that weird? Someone I know is going through cancer but I had no idea about it. I haven’t seen her in a a few years and reconnected on Facebook. I had no idea she was sick and now she’s almost done with all the treatment and is getting better but I feel bad I didn’t know and didn’t go see her or help her in any way but I didn’t know. Do you avoid the subject or just say you’re sorry or what? I feel kind of weird about it.

      About your girls room. I’m not sure I’d care about feelings for this issue. Just say “kindly stay out of my daughters bedroom. Thank you.” Especially if he bothers you. I’m sure he knows how you feel so I’d just say it. Nobody needs to go in there when you’re on your way. It would be different if you weren’t home and they were babysitting but they knew you were coming. Be brave. You can do it.

      It’s my feeling that your girls are wise beyond their years so if it were me, I’d tell them the truth about Easter. I’d tell them the truth or if you don’t want to tell the whole thing, soften it up.

      • SKL says:

        I think part of it is that “visiting the sick” is so different from our routine. I mean, my friend was purely a work friend. I cared a lot about her, but I never met her anywhere outside of work. We never even went to lunch together. Her family lives in a low-income area where I had never been and I wasn’t really sure how to even get there. I know, Mapquest and all that, but it was out of my comfort zone to go knocking at her mother’s door and hang out with her lying in bed in her pajamas. I guess I needed to build up the strength to go do that. Maybe it comes easier to some people, I don’t know.

        If it makes me seem any less rotten, I also have a hard time getting “well” friends on my schedule for non-routine activities. I think this is an area where I could improve.

  4. Ellen says:

    Nikki, I am so sorry to hear about our friend and her struggle. I wish her all the best and hopefully there will be people out there to help her in person.

    I hope that Baily will hear the news he wants. Taht would be so great!

    You too, have a wonderful rest of the week and a very good weekend!

    Thanks again for the post!

  5. souldose says:

    So sorry about your friend, but at least she is doing ok… To be honest I see the same thing happen to me all the time, I remember I even closed my facebook account because I never saw my friends or my neighbours except on facebook. It still makes me said because I had lots of friends before the illness, now I get the once in a year message but I’m making peace with it… Maybe it’s because I have 2 friends who are still sticking by me

  6. Oh, Nikki, I’m so sorry about your friend… It’s definitely hard and painful to be far away from someone you love and to feel that there’s no one else who she feels can be helpful and near. I know many people, as Laura wrote about in her post, have real problems with facing up to tragedy when it hurts someone near them and they don’t know what to do. I wish Laura’s posts could just be sent as a memo to the entire world with big red letters on the envelope saying “JUST BE THERE FOR THEM” or something.

    I hope Baily makes the team!!!! I hope he knows he has people from two oceans away rooting for him :D.

    • Nikki says:

      That’s great!! I will tell Bailey that! He’ll get a kick out of someone rooting for him TWO oceans away! 🙂

      YES!! I wish everyone could read what Laura put together!! Sometimes it’s the littlest things like a 5 minute phone call or stop and bring her a Starbucks or something. SOMETHING! I just think people need to be more thoughtful.

  7. pammywammy says:

    Sorry about your friend Nikki.She will be in my prayers.Thats sad when people live so close and cant make an effort to REALLY be there when someone needs the help and support.Over the years I have learnt the hard lesson of life on promises of others.Most never fall threw on whay they say.It use to hurt,but now I know without a doubt who I can really count on when I go threw hard times.And thats all I need to know.I have a support group of people that I truly trust in my life.The others who never do as they say.I dont need them around.
    I hope Bailey did well.You are great parents in letting him know it can go either way.Thats how life is,we dont always get in.But I hope he does.I wish him lots luck.
    You have a great weekend too.
    Heres hoping my 3rd grandbaby is born soon 🙂

    • Nikki says:

      Thanks Pam, your comments mean a lot! We try to be the best parents we can be. I’ve always believed that our children are a pretty good reflection of ourselves. So we do our best, and hope he turns out the best he can! 🙂

      I will keep my fingers crossed for that baby to be born SOON! She’s gotta be so over being pregnant!

  8. Nikki says:

    Just got back from Baileys star student assembly. 🙂

    Thanks everyone for the comments. All my friend really needs or wants is someone to show they care. She’s tired of the excuses, and the broken promises. I wish I could go visit her. She was planning a trip here for spring break but she can’t in the condition she is in. She’s hoping to come sometime this summer, health permitting.

  9. Just a Mom says:

    Nikki ~ Your friend is so lucky that she has you to talk to! I agree with mssc54 people just say stuff like that so that they can feel good about themselves.
    Good luck Bailey! Trying out for the team is tough! I like that the parents were not allowed to be around.
    I have been on the go for the past two weeks non-stop it seems. My husband finally figured out that I meant business about leaving and he finally went for help. He went to his 1st AA meeting last Friday and he has been sober since. Hopefully he has found what he needs and things will work out. I have to say it feels great to know that I have the ability to go out and take care of myself if I have to.

    • Joy says:

      That is so great about the husband. I really hope he can get his act together this time. I do know how hard it is. So do you. There were times yesterday that all I wanted was a cigarette. For some reason, I’ve thought about it so much the last few days. The other day I actually reached for one in an ashtray that wasn’t even there!!

      You have all my best wishes and support. I really hope he can do it.

    • Sue says:

      You have our support JAM even if we are miles apart 🙂

    • Nikki says:

      That is GREAT about the hubs….sometimes they need to know you are serious before they do anything to change. Men can be stubborn that way! I am proud of him (even though I don’t know him) and of you for not taking it any longer!

      You both, you and Joy, have came so far with the no smoking…you can keep it up! Temptation is bad sometimes though, I know. It really is one of the greatest habits I can say I have quite. Going on 6 years. Now to get my husband to quit.

    • Laura says:

      JAM… I’m living with a man who is two years (almost) sober. Remember to take care of yourself while he’s taking care of himself. And if you ever need an understanding shoulder, somewhere to vent, whatever… know that we’re here for you.

  10. Joy says:

    I did have a lot to talk about but I’m down in the dumps today. I’m sure most of you know why. For those of you who don’t know me that well, I’ll get over it. It’s happened before but I won’t let it happen again.

    One thing, why do people seem to get such a thrill out of airing dirty laundry online? In front of other people? Aren’t some thing better done in private?

    • Joy says:

      I also saw this on Facebook this morning. Two members of a family duking it out in front of everyone on Facebook!!! Do you feel that’s something that should be done? It’s so uncomfortable to witness.

      • SKL says:

        In my old age and wisdom, I’d feel certain that I’d come to regret every word once the dust settled. So I’d try to be very careful with judgments and insults toward someone in my family or someone close to me. However, there have been times I’ve gotten so angry that I’ve done something stupid. Then I had to crawl and apologize, the sooner the better.

        I think what comes with age is the ability to remember that when it comes down to it, it’s the relationship that matters. We’ll all be right one day and wrong the next, just like everyone else. But having to repair broken relationships after every heated discussion . . . eventually we all gain the maturity to get past that.

        In the case at hand, it would be helpful to remember that “you are wrong” (however it’s stated) does NOT mean “you have no value.”

      • Nikki says:

        I’d be embarrassed if all my dirty laundry was out there. I sort of already wear my heart on my sleeve, but some things are better left done and said behind closed doors. I don’t understand that stuff.

    • Just a Mom says:

      I hope you feel better Joy. If you need me to climb into the dumpster to pull you out just let me know!

      I agree with you that some things are better done in private. I think people do that because they are trying to get support for themselves. But it can backfire really bad if not careful.

  11. Sue says:

    Just got back from the dentist with the kids and am happy to report there are no cavities 🙂 I was on call last night and it seems I missed some things that happened here yesterday so I’ll leave them right there in yesterday.

    I’m glad your friend is in remission and I hope she gets through her PE soon. I think when people are sick it just gets awkward. Unless you’ve dealt with a lot of sickness and tragedy through your life, how would you know how to respond? (Did that make sense?!) You’re going to respond with what you’ve seen your family do. Was your mom always baking/cooking for people who needed a hand, was your parent/sibling visiting those who were sick, did your parents/siblings run errands or do chores for those who needed help? Did they let you participate in these activities or were you told “not to worry about it”? And then of course, as we get older we figure out our own feelings and ways of doing things, but we learn a lot by seeing. And then there are those who, like MSSC said, just want to feel good about themselves for “offering” to help.

    I hope Bailey makes the team and I hope he has a great experience with the traveling program. I also hope your mom finds a job quickly. She will though, she always does.

    I don’t have much on my agenda today except cleaning the house 😦 Any volunteers??!! It’s very windy and cold here today so there will be no running outside for me this afternoon! Trinity is having a couple of friends over tomorrow to play since there’s no school and then we have Share-the-Fun practice in the evening. Other than that our weekend has no plans and that kinda feels good!

    • Joy says:

      Yippee on no cavities.

    • Nikki says:

      I didn’t have to deal with anyone close to me dying until I was 14. I had 3 cousins die in a matter of 3 months. All were tragic accidents. My Aunt died of cancer, but I was so young I vaguely remember it. I do remember seeing her at her house in her last days, in a hospital bed. Us kids were always told to just go play.

      For me, I know how it feels to not have anyone care about you. Whether people do or not, it doesn’t change how you FEEL. For me, actions speak louder than words. You can tell me until you’re blue in the face that you love me, care about me. But until you do something to show it, to make me feel it, they are only words that mean nothing. Some may call that needy, I call it human.

      Have fun cleaning! I did that yesterday. Today I have my normal 2 kids, who are napping right now. I also have Emily, she’s watching Wall-E right now. 🙂

  12. Joy says:

    I wanted to ask if anyone watches Dancing With The Stars. If so, what did you think?? Do you LOVE anyone right off the bat? Hate anyone? Who do you think will get the boot first?

    • Nikki says:

      I’ve never watched that show. I was curious to see how Kate did. Just out of pure curiosity.

      • Joy says:

        I was set to hate her right away but I felt for her and so did the judges. She’s so new to all of this. The rest are “stars” and athletes, she did “okay” in my opinion but was very stiff and scared. If she makes the cut, if she can loosen up, she may go further. She won’t win. I’ll say that right now. It will either be the Pussycat Doll or that ESPN reporter. There really isn’t an outstanding man this year. I think one of those two women will win.

        What do you say Sue?

        • Sue says:

          WTH is happening to my comments today?! Arghhh! I didn’t love this round at all. The people they chose, to me, aren’t “celebrities” they’re all has beens. No one stands out as the clear winner, but the PCD lady did very well. Too bad we have to watch Kate dance again before she gets the boot!

    • Laura says:

      I haven’t watched at all yet this season, and I really wanted to, just to see Evan Lysacek. He’s an amazing skater, so he should do well on the dance floor, as well. But all the shows that “everybody” watches always falls right during bedtime, so I’ve pretty much given up trying to watch stuff.

      Perhaps I should break down and buy a DVR…

  13. SKL says:

    Well, it’s snowing again. A lot. This is my kids’ teacher’s fault. This morning she had a sign up saying “now that there is no more snow, we’ll be going outside to play every day, so dress the kids accordingly.” Yeah, right!

    Debating what I should do right now. I have just enough time to finish a work deliverable OR wash my hair. Hmm.

    • Nikki says:

      LOL….OR wash your hair?! I so know that feeling! Sometimes you have to pick and choose!

    • Joy says:

      Oh yuck!!!! Please keep it there and don’t send it to the west. That rotten teacher!!

    • Laura says:

      I did that today… get a load of stuff done or take a shower…

      Then I got a screaming, glue-your-eyes-shut headache, and slept for several hours. So nothing got done and I STILL didn’t get my shower. But I feel muuuch better now. 🙂

  14. Laura says:

    I feel bad for not being around all day…

    Nikki… MSSC is right. As much as it ticks you off (and me, too) for people to say things like, “oh, let me know what I can do,” they really are doing it for themselves. And don’t judge them too harshly, because they’ve never *really* (most of them, anyway) have never been in the position to know how hurtful that is. And God willing, they never will be. I wouldn’t wish that kind of thing on anyone.

    That said, you keep doing what you’re doing. It may feel inadequate, but let me tell you, it means the world to your friend to know that you are there, that she can “dump” on you, or laugh with you, or just talk about the weather, and feel “normal” with you. That’s the special gift that you can give her, and she will never forget it. And you know, in return, that you’re doing the best that you can for her. Of course, you wish you could do more, but this is what you’re meant to do, at this point in time. You can’t see them, but your angel wings are in full feather.


    Send Bailey my wishes for Good Luck, along with all the others. I can’t wait to see pics from this season!

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