Personal Responsibility

I have a tiny little rant coming….just to warn you. This is something that just went into my craw and stayed there. I can’t stop thinking about it and I mean that in more ways than one. This is something that I saw someone I know put on her Facebook status:

“Just to let you all know, I’m gonna disappear from face book.. we got along just fine without this, and it’s ruining some good young people’s chances of getting a good job because employers use Facebook to get an inside look at potential employees. If you are like most, lots of pictures show the good times and party times.. that’s cause no one brings a damn camera to work. you’re usually WORKING!”

Okay, my first thought here is saying something like this just means that you don’t hold your kids accountable for anything. It’s like saying “go ahead, put drunken one-armed photo’s on the Internet. It’s okay honey, mommy’s here to defend you.” If this were me, I’d tell my kids “if you don’t want me or your grandparents to see something, don’t put it online.” I mean….REALLY!

The second thing I thought after reading some of the comments this status got was that these people felt that employers “had no right to do this” and I wondered why they felt that. If I owned a company and I checked Facebook for a future employee and I saw a bunch of naked, drunken photo’s, it might make me wonder how bright this person was.

If you have a Facebook account and you don’t have the privacy settings to “private,” that means anyone can access your page. Whether you know them or not. Or even if they are  a “friend of a friend.” After I read some of the comments I clicked on some of the other people who I didn’t know and went right to their profile and saw all their pictures. They didn’t have any settings set to private so what the heck do they expect? I did go and tell a few people that “although I don’t know you, I just went and looked at all your pictures and where you went to school and where you live.” This one women said “oh thank you, I thought I had them set to private” but NOPE!

So how can these people get mad at Facebook for their stupidity? How can anyone blame Facebook for their kids putting stupid pictures online and having a future employer see them? Also, if someone “tags” you in a photo, you can go in and “un-tag” it if you don’t like what someone puts on there so it’s not in your profile. If your profile is set to “private,” nobody can see anything. Not your pics, not your friends, NOTHING. What’s so hard about that?

I get really tired of parents not being able to stand anyone saying the least little thing about their kids. If you act like your kids are perfect, you’re setting them up for an awful big fall.

Thank you very much.

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20 Responses to Personal Responsibility

  1. mssc54 says:

    Something very similar happened to two of our daughters. It wasn’t pictures but one of them stated something truthful about something that happened at work. Management looked bad and that was all it took.

    They had originally had their privacy set where friends of friends could view their Facebook account. Everything got fixed and they are much more careful about what they put on Facebook.

    I had someone tell me once, “You have to figure that anything you put on the internet will be there forever for anyone to see at any time.” YIKES!

  2. Ellen says:

    Indeed Yikes! But I agree with Joy. I think also control your children what they put on the internet. Do not let them just swim without any lessons.

  3. shanef says:

    I have to agree with you Joy. If you don’t want people to see stupid pictures of yourself don’t put them on facebook! I’m not even sure if my account is set to “private or not” not that I care anyway I don’t have much for pictures or information on there anyway.

  4. Laura says:

    I think your title says it all. It’s all about personal responsibility, and I see less and less of it every day. It’s always “someone else’s fault”. It seems more prevalent amongst the younger set – the high school/college group, but I see it in some who are my age, as well. Talking to a person I know who is in her early 20’s and in college, I hear that ‘Employers shouldn’t be looking at FB… that’s private information’. And yet, here she is, practicing her favorite hobby almost every night: Facebook Stalking. This is where she randomly goes to people’s FB pages and reads all about them. She holds on to old boyfriends just so she can stalk them online. But she doesn’t think twice about the number of pictures, or the theme of the pictures, that go on her page.

    I could rant about this for hours, as well. It all comes back to those two little words. And the thing is? I don’t know if it has to do with parenting… the parents of this particular person are pretty ‘uninvolved’ in the way that you describe. They’re not ‘helicopters’ who go charging in and fight their kids’ battles for them – if they have an issue at work or school, their parents are available for comment and advice, but they stay out of it and let the kids handle it.

    I really think it’s more a comment on our culture – that the kids “deserve” everything they can get, they should get it immediately, and nobody/nothing else matters. And if they think what they’re doing is ok, then by golly, it is, and those employers (and everyone else) are wrong.

  5. SKL says:

    I think where parenting comes in is that occasional reminder. The type that generates rolled eyes and “MO-om!” Like, “you do know that prospective employers check Facebook.” You can’t control what your adult kids do on their own computers. You can only pray that they will use some part of their God-given brains.

    It’s hard for parents to admit their kids are at fault. Even harder than for the kids themselves to admit it, I think. But that’s reality. Nobody’s kids are that innocent. Instead of rationalizing the kid’s behavior, parents need to help their kids figure out how to mitigate the damage and prevent it in the future. This can only be effective if parents are honest with themselves and their kids – “you made a mistake.”

    As far as employers, put yourself in their place. They are taking a risk and they want someone who is going to show up for work sober every day and not go around badmouthing them, stealing inventory, calling in “sick” from jail, etc. Employers have seen it all, so why should they not use a tool providing public information that the teen/young adult published himself? I plan to tell my kids to treat facebook, etc. as page 2 of your resume. You know, even if only your “friends” can see what you write, that doesn’t mean you are safe. If you have more than a few close “friends,” how do you know one of them doesn’t know / work for a prospective employer or univesity admissions office? And I don’t really get the “friend of a friend” access, because some of your “friends” may have hundreds or thousands of “friends” whom they don’t really know. So, just don’t use the internet for stuff you wouldn’t want on CNN.

    I am not ashamed to admit that I have chosen not to consider child care help when the picture generated from Facebook shows them in a pose that I consider, shall we say, unimpressive. (Why in the world would anyone take such a pose for a photo anyway, unless she has “another profession” on the 3rd shift?)

    • Laura says:

      I forgot to comment on the employer thing, SKL… you bring up a good point and remind me of mine.

      Employers expect prospective employees to come into an interview fully prepared – almost to the point that they know more about the company than the interviewer does.

      Why then, should the interviewee be surprised when the employer goes searching for information on a prospective employee?

      • SKL says:

        Good point, Laura! And a nice way to put it in perspective for young interviewees. Can you imagine an interviewer being offended that the interviewee had the nerve to check the corporate website before the interview?

  6. Karen Joy says:

    I saw her status too and read the comments and thought what the heck…your totally right that its up to the individual to set it all to private.I am shocked at how many peoples profile and pics I can look at that are not my friend.It’s your own fault for leaving it open to the world like that.If your so careless and your boss sees it all,too bad for you.Was her “leaving” FB changing her name,cause she’s still on FB?

    • Joy says:

      I can’t find her on today. She did put in a status yesterday but it was a “good bye” message. When I clicked her name it said account deleted. I better explain this to everyone.

      • Joy says:

        Karen, go see if you can find her today. I’ve tried her “name changed” name and her real name and have gone to a dozen people who were her friends.

      • Karen Joy says:

        yes I just looked,she’s off.Wonder what her being on fb or not has to do with her kid.
        Did I say to much?

        • Joy says:

          I think she’s taking a STAND for her child!! People are like that. FB doesn’t care if she leaves or not. Everyone else is still on. I did notice though her youngest son is gone. I’m thinking he’s the one looking for the job and didn’t get. IDK.

          You didn’t say too much Karen. She’s the one who said it IN PUBLIC. This is what I mean. Be aware of what you put online and what you say. We all saw the crap she’s been putting on there. This started last week.

  7. Nikki says:

    Personal responsibility is something a lot of people don’t have. It’s easier to put the blame on someone else. Facebook allows you to have everything from pictures, to your status PRIVATE…so do so! No one can see my stuff unless you are direct friends with me. Not even friends of friends can see anything, on purpose! I have friends who for some stupid reason are still friends with certain people, and I don’t want them knowing ANYTHING about my life.

    As for it not being employers business. It is when you pretty much hand over information. They didn’t hack your computer, they didn’t steal your password, that would be wrong. If you have it public, it becomes everyones business. As for me, if I was looking to hire someone, your damn right I would try to see if her Facebook stuff was public. And it would sway me one way or another. It’s about personal choices, behavior, what kind of person do I want working with/for me.

    Now I do think what you do in your off time is your own choice, but it most definitely can affect your work life too. Everything is a choice. You choose to put it public, be ready for the consequences.

  8. Joy says:

    The person who said this and who is making this big stink about FB has two sons on FB. They are 16 and 17. One of them has a “private” setting and the other doesn’t. Her boys have apparently been out drinking *gasp* and “those dang kids all have cell phones” (I swear, her words!!!!!) and her son who has the settings on “private” still has people “tagging” him in pictures on their page. What this means is, they aren’t on his profile page but are on his friends profile page.

    So, how does anyone know who his friends are IF HIS PAGE IS PRIVATE? If your profile is private, it doesn’t show your friends or anything. You need that person’s permission to add you so unless one of these kids is going to be your boss or maybe their parents or something, how would they find you and the better question I have would be is WHY ARE YOUR 16 AND 17 YEAR OLDS DOING OUT DRINKING AND GETTING INTO THESE KINDS OF THINGS?? She isn’t taking the responsibility that her own kids were doing anything wrong. It’s all Facebooks fault.

    OMG!!! Are you kidding me???

    • Nikki says:

      Ahhhh…well sorry but the things kids do these day is plain ignorant! i see it all the time, I have even hidden girls (family) because the pictures are nothing I want to see! Anyone of that age should have some sort of parental control. On and off facebook! Common sense isn’t so common these days…sadly!

      • Laura says:

        Oh, I can’t BELIEVE the number of people that I’ve “hidden” or “un-friended” because their status updates or pictures just make me sick. It’s amazing how people just don’t care.

  9. starlaschat says:

    Thanks for the rant warning Joy, :+) I will be back to read, I’m interested. My computer time is limited. A little pressed today because of homework. I can’t even believe I’m saying the word homework. ;+/

  10. Joy Rehnee says:

    Good morning,
    I was up at 7:30 this morning, after finally falling asleep about 4:00 AM. I’m too old for this crap, BUT, what I was doing was extremely important, at least in my eyes. I was ranting and raving at my two sons because they went out “for a little while” and didn’t get home when they said they would. They were at a party on a Monday night that the police were eventually called to. Luckily, they were not drinking (this time), but many kids went to jail. I was pissed off enough that they kept me up worrying about their whereabouts. They needed a lecture, so I did it once again!

    My oldest son is 21, the youngest 18. As long as they live under my roof, they will adhere to my rules. I have taken many things away from them over the years, including their vehicles, because they didn’t abide by my rules or they broke the law. I feel like my home is a hostel at times, because we have so many kids spend the nights here, and eat their meals here. It isn’t something I always enjoy, but at least I know where they all are, that they are safe, and they are being held accountable for their actions, in my home anyhow. It’s painfully obvious that many of the parents of these kids just don’t care where they are, or what they are doing. Nothing makes me more frustrated than having to talk one of these parents who doesn’t have a clue what their child has been up to. I have made a few parents very upset, and my sons have lost some friends because of my involvement. But I can’t stand when people do anything to cover for their child. Consider that monster Van der Sloot, who murdered Natalie Holloway and then 5 years to the day, savagely killed Stephany Flores. This pig is making a mockery out of the lives of at least 2 beautiful girls, and the judicial system. All because Daddy was a big judge in Aruba, and I totally believe he was involved in the cover-up. I realize it’s a huge jump from being a dummy on the internet, to becoming a serial killer. But I would bet that sicko was never held accountable for anything in his entire life…For God’s sake, if we don’t hold our own kids responsible for their actions, how will they ever learn to become responsible human beings.

    I know that my sons are still immature and make dumb mistakes. I know that they occasionally put stupid stuff on Facebook, because while I don’t have my own account, I do look at theirs when they leave it open on my computer. When I see something ridiculous I call them on it. They don’t like it, but oh well… I remind them they might as well have a camera crew with them at all times, documenting their antics, and that strangers are tuning in as well as friends and family.

    That mother probably didn’t even know what her kids were up to, until it was too late. Maintaining privacy on public sites is possible, but while most adults are on there to communicate, many kids are on there to show off how wild and crazy they are. I like the old adage “If you go looking for trouble, you will find it!” It reminds me of that man in the news who was arrested for walking around in his home naked, and someone called the police after seeing him. He claimed the person invaded his privacy. Well, if you want real privacy, shut the darn curtains.

  11. starlaschat says:

    I actually I agree Joy with your rant as you called. I’d say that was a small rant. I think if I were an employer I might be curious to look, it’s a way to get a feeling for a person seeing their pictures and what it is they like to do on the week-ends. Is it envasive in a person “space” maybe. That was nice of you to give a few face bookers a heads up about the privacy button. Things sure have changed over a short amount of time. Who would have ever thought that so many people would be spending a lot of time on their own PC’s, amazing really. Kids should be held accountable. Nice fish my the way. Is that a pike?

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