Bikini Jeans? Really??

bikini jeans

I really have to ask this question.  WHY???  Why on EARTH do we need “bikini jeans”?  Because you KNOW, sure as God made little green apples, that these jeans are not going to be worn on the streets of a City Near You by Cindy Crawford and Elle McPhearson look-alikes (and yes, I do realize I’m dating myself, thank you very much.  Emma Watson look-alikes.  Is that better?).

Nope.  You KNOW they’re going to be worn by people who look like Roseanne Barr after a weekend at the all-you-can eat buffet.

According to one article that I read (and yes, there were multiple articles on the subject), these jeans were commissioned by a woman who “wished for jeans that sat lower than her hips but will be snug enough not to require constant pulling up”.  So my question is… WHY would you want your jeans to ride lower than the jeans that are already on the market??? The low-rise ones hit well below the belly button as it is.  You sit wrong and you’re getting pamphlets handed to you that say “crack kills”.

The real kicker with these jeans is the fact that they are held up by those two little ties on the sides.  Which means that some not-so-well-meaning prankster (who, of course, would NOT be me… image ) could walk past you on the sidewalk and give your string a little tug, and voila! you’re giving a peep show to the entire town.

Either that, or the moms of the world will constantly be walking up behind you and administering a wedgie, as she whispers in your ear, “pull up your pants, honey, you’re showing your goodies to the world.”

On second thought, maybe these ARE a good idea.  I could get a LOT of entertainment out of my next trip to the big city.

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24 Responses to Bikini Jeans? Really??

  1. Joy says:

    Ugly AND uncomfortable looking. ISH!!

    Uggggg…….What in the hell will they think of next?

  2. Sue says:

    OMG! Who the hell gave this lady a patent and then decided it would be a good idea to actually produce such a dumb thing!!!! They are completely ridiculous!

  3. Laura says:

    (singsong voice) THANK youuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

  4. SKL says:

    OK, first of all, get that model some food stat – she’s about to die of starvation.

    Yeah, you know that glob of belly fat every real woman has is gonna be really enhanced by this style. And don’t even get me started on the cellulite on the hips.

    But what really bugs me is that the young girls are going to be wearing this style to school and wherever else they go to impress each other. (And the schools will have to make new rules about how much butt can be shown, etc.) Who is telling teen girls that they need to practically strip naked in order to be accepted? And then we wonder why kids get eating disorders, get pregnant, etc., etc. I can feel a whole nother post coming on about “teen” magazines that are all about sex – and I’m not talking abstinence.

  5. paul says:

    Toby says this is something you’d see a chick wearing in a strip club and Paul asked if they were “for real.”

  6. LVISS says:


  7. SKL says:

    Do you think they have custom-made butt enhancers (like you showed us last week) for these jeans?

    I probably shouldn’t even wonder about underwear . . ..

  8. Ellen says:

    where does this end? I hope, only women who should not wear this kind of jeans (the Rosanne Bar’s) wears them, and that mom’s and dad’s of the world do not let their daughters wear them. This is more for a strip tent of for the red light district area. To me, women/girls who wear these kind of clothes are sending a message: “See, come and get it!!”

  9. Jenny says:

    All I have to say is WHY??!! What’s the point? They look really uncomfortable and super tight!! I hope that’s not the next big thing! Toby’s probably right, you’ll probably see them at the strip clubs. And hopefully thats all.

  10. starlaschat says:

    I’m glad I’m not 15 and having any desire to wear these jeans. Who knows maybe the fad wont catch on hard to say.

  11. Karen Joy says:

    Well good grief!If this women wanted to be THAT comfortable why doesnt she join a nudist colony!!She wouldnt have any worries about pulling up low rise jeans or any other piece of clothing then!!

  12. Nikki says:

    Oh I want a pair!!!!!! NOT…wth is wrong with people?! This is what you will see at strip clubs and on the streets on Vegas! I can hardly believe anyone would dream of making something like this, let alone wearing it!

  13. mssc54 says:

    So from a practical point of view… How would you fold those?

  14. Just a Mom says:

    I say it’s about time the girls caught up to the guys! If the guys can wear their paints hanging off their butts to show off their pretty undies then why not the girls! Oh wiat now I remember why… because it’s just plain WRONG!!!

  15. Jason says:

    I am disappointed that no one else likes these jeans…. We plan to take a trip to the beach next year and all I can think about is how great my backside would look in a pair of these (mens version of course). HAHA!!!! These are the kind of jeans I wouldn’t let my wife wear around the house let alone in public.

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