I thought I was alone. Oh, yeah, people smiled and nodded at me when I fussed over it, but mostly, they were indulging me in what they perceived as just another of my crazy rants. They even encouraged me for their own personal entertainment, the sadists – pulling out the object of my irritation and showing it to me. Using it to add fuel to my fire. I ranted. raved. I hid. I wrote letters. I even boycotted.
What is the target of all of this emotion?
Sun Chip Bags.
Yes. Those “new and improved” bags that Frito-Lay, the parent company of Sun Chips, is touting as their new “green packaging”. (oh, there’s another rant. Greenness. I’ll save that one for another day, ‘cause it’s a good one)
Now, please understand. I’ve never been a fan of Sun Chips. As a rule, I’m not a big chip-eater. Oh, I don’t abhor chips… I eat plenty of them. (have you tried the new “Late Night” line of Doritos? Dee-lish. Those cheeseburger ones actually taste… like cheeseburgers!!! Who’d’a thunk it? Amazing. But I digress. Where was I? Oh, yes. Sun Chips.) But I’ve never been a fan of this particular product. Steve likes them, so I used to buy them occasionally. And my mom likes them, too. So, last spring, as we were getting stuff together for a family dinner, we pulled down a couple new bags of chips. My favorites – Lay’s Classic – and her favorite: Cheddar Sun Chips. And then we discovered it.
The evil that is the Sun Chips Bag.
Have you seen HEARD these bags??? They’re a creation of the devil himself.
(seriously, click that. I’ll wait until you come back…)
I read a Wall Street Journal article which says that the decibel level of these bags is 95. Check the photo above. The human voice falls on the decibel range at 60. A hair dryer comes in at 90. I don’t know about you, but I find a hair dryer pretty loud. I certainly can’t comfortably hold a conversation while using one.
This bag falls halfway between Hair Dryer (90) and Rock Concert (105). For the record, I bring ear plugs when I go to rock concerts. Why on EARTH would I want a chip bag that is that loud?
Oh, yeah. Because it’s “greeeeeeen” so I have to be impressed by it.
Don’t even get me started on the NOISE pollution!! Or isn’t that a part of the “green movement”? Egads, people, according to another decibel scale, a JACKHAMMER comes in at 90!!! And this bag is right up there, at 95!
Ok, ok, I get that it’s a bio-degradable bag. I get that, in the perfect environment, the bag decomposes because it’s made of “plant material”. I’m very skeptical about that. Show me a plant – any plant – that comes in at 95 on the decibel scale! And that tree that’s being cut down with the chainsaw doesn’t count!
I’m thinking I’ll just go with my plan, and not buy them. And if I do end up buying them for someone else? I’m wearing earplugs and mittens (to dampen the sound) while I cut open the bag, dump the chips into a gallon-sized ziplock bag and stuff that 95-decibel monstrosity deep into the bowels of the garbage bag that’s being taken outside.
And then I’ll eat the Doritos anyway.