Satan’s Snack Bag

I thought I was alone.  Oh, yeah, people smiled and nodded at me when I fussed over it, but mostly, they were indulging me in what they perceived as just another of my crazy rants.  They even encouraged me for their own personal entertainment, the sadists  – pulling out the object of my irritation and showing it to me.  Using it to add fuel to my fire.  I ranted.  raved.  I hid.  I wrote letters.  I even boycotted.

What is the target of all of this emotion?

Sun Chip Bags.

Yes.  Those “new and improved” bags that Frito-Lay, the parent company of Sun Chips, is touting as their new “green packaging”.  (oh, there’s another rant.  Greenness.  I’ll save that one for another day, ‘cause it’s a good one)

Now, please understand.  I’ve never been a fan of Sun Chips.  As a rule, I’m not a big chip-eater.  Oh, I don’t abhor chips… I eat plenty of them.  (have you tried the new “Late Night” line of Doritos?  Dee-lish.  Those cheeseburger ones actually taste… like cheeseburgers!!! Who’d’a thunk it?  Amazing.  But I digress.  Where was I?  Oh, yes.  Sun Chips.)  But I’ve never been a fan of this particular product.  Steve likes them, so I used to buy them occasionally.  And my mom likes them, too.  So, last spring, as we were getting stuff together for a family dinner, we pulled down a couple new bags of chips.  My favorites – Lay’s Classic – and her favorite:  Cheddar Sun Chips.  And then we discovered it.

The evil that is the Sun Chips Bag.

Have you seen HEARD these bags???  They’re a creation of the devil himself.

(seriously, click that.  I’ll wait until you come back…)

I read a Wall Street Journal article which says that the decibel level of these bags is 95.  Check the photo above.  The human voice falls on the decibel range at 60.  A hair dryer comes in at 90.  I don’t know about you, but I find a hair dryer pretty loud.  I certainly can’t comfortably hold a conversation while using one.

This bag falls halfway between Hair Dryer (90) and Rock Concert (105).  For the record, I bring ear plugs when I go to rock concerts.  Why on EARTH would I want a chip bag that is that loud?

Oh, yeah.  Because it’s “greeeeeeen”  so I have to be impressed by it.

Don’t even get me started on the NOISE pollution!!  Or isn’t that a part of the “green movement”?  Egads, people, according to another decibel scale, a JACKHAMMER comes in at 90!!!  And this bag is right up there, at 95!

Ok, ok, I get that it’s a bio-degradable bag.  I get that, in the perfect environment, the bag decomposes because it’s made of “plant material”.  I’m very skeptical about that.  Show me a plant – any plant – that comes in at 95 on the decibel scale!  And that tree that’s being cut down with the chainsaw doesn’t count!

I’m thinking I’ll just go with my plan, and not buy them.  And if I do end up buying them for someone else?  I’m wearing earplugs and mittens (to dampen the sound) while I cut open the bag, dump the chips into a gallon-sized ziplock bag and stuff that 95-decibel monstrosity deep into the bowels of the garbage bag that’s being taken outside.

And then I’ll eat the Doritos anyway.

This entry was posted in changes, pet peeves, snacking, sounds, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Satan’s Snack Bag

  1. Joy says:

    I was going to say that I don’t eat Sun Chips but the grandkids like them. BUT then I listened to that bag and I’ll tell you one thing, I’d rather stick nails in my ears than to let Paul anywhere near a bag that makes a noise like that. Holy Moly!!!!!

  2. Jason says:

    I’m sorry what….. Ok I had to put the Sun Chip bag down. I personally like the brand of chips. The bag on the other hand ir rather annoying. I think to eliminate the noise just dump them on a plate.

  3. Jenny says:

    I LOVE Sunchips…We’ve only bought that bag 1 time. Haven’t bought it since just because it was so annoying. Can you imagine that sound at 5am when someone is trying to pack his lunch for work? It’s great that its “green” but don’t you think they could’ve made it a little less ear piercing?

  4. SKL says:

    Haven’t heard the bag (you know I have no sound), but I think I can imagine it.

    This is one of the things that makes me just a little crazy. When we’re in a business meeting or something, and someone just has to open a bag of chips or other noisy package. And in their attempt to be subtle about it, they do it slowly, in stages, so it drowns out a whole segment of the meeting. (This is even better if you’re being conferenced in – the guy with the noisy package ALWAYS sits next to the phone.) And then each time they go for a chip, you hear the crinkle-crinkle-crinkle (cringe, cringe, cringe!). Then if we’re lucky there will be a short lull before someone else has an urgent need for a bag of chips! Argh! People! I used to eat chips while watching the boob toob (yeah, long time ago, before kids) and it used to bug me because every time I’d go for a chip, it would drown out the TV. So I learned to use a scissor or knife to open the bag, and pour my ration of chips into a bowl. Now I’m waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with me.

    As for the Sun Chips bag, hopefully enough people will complain that the “green” marketers will think twice before introducing their next “improvement.”

    • Laura says:

      According to that WSJ article I linked to, lots of people HAVE complained… some ridiculous number, like 80% of respondents hate it. But they’re not changing it. Because they’re so excited over it’s “greenness”.

      I think it’s going to “green” itself out of existence.

  5. SKL says:

    The funny thing is, making a “green” bag of chips is like making a “warm” piece of ice. Gimme a break! Snacks are not “green” unless you are pretty much picking them off the vine.

  6. Karen Joy says:

    OMG!!I HATE that bag!!Just last week,for the first time discovered their new green packaging!!I could not believe what I was hearing when I grabbed that bag of Sunchips!!I was actually shocked!It is ridiculous!Needless to say I left the bag on the shelf and I’m giving up Sunchips!They can go fly a kite with all their green garbage!I know thats being a tad hard but Im PO’D right now,totally about something else but felt the need to vent just a wee bit at this exact moment!!SO THANK-YOU!

    • Joy says:

      I’m taking it you got your news and it wasn’t good. Sorry Karen. Feel free to take it out here anytime.

      • Karen Joy says:

        Its amazing what a nights sleep does for a person!I should know not to comment till Ive calmed down.Yes Joy,the “war”is on but we will handle it.Seriously though,I still meant HATE that bag!By that I meant the chip bag not the one we’re dealing with,LOL!!!!

    • Laura says:

      Karen Joy… I’m sorry you’re not “in a good place” right now, but I’m always happy to provide a rant-alicious post for you. I’m working on a few others. Just my little way of helping to alleviate stress and anxiety. Feel free to vent.

  7. starlaschat says:

    I’m not a big sun chip eater. I have not heard the new bag, I have heard of it. I’ll have to brace myself I guess it’s a good chip as far as taste it’s just one I don’t usually eat or buy. So probably a good thing, sound like.

  8. Nikki says:

    LOL I won’t stop buying them, because they are my very favorite chips. BUT I put them in a big bowl and seal it up! The bag is just too much! I get it, and I appreciate the thought behind it. I am all for anything that will help our planet (if it really is 100% disposable) then whatever…go for it. I will still buy them, and complain about that damn noise every time too! I LOVE my Sun Chips, French Onion, please!

    HILARIOUS post Laura!!!!! 🙂

  9. Nikki says:

    OH YEAH…those cheeseburger Doritos..I TOLD YOU!!!! It’s like eating a Burger King cheeseburger, I like those too! And I just tried the 2nd degree hot ones, very good!!!

    • Laura says:

      EXACTLY!!! I got them, and Steve comes down with the bag (he sits up in our bed and munches while he’s watching TV… Pet Peeve #1,872,436) and says, “You’ve GOTTA try this!! It’s a Whopper in a Bag!!

      I’d already tried the taco ones… they were really good, too. I made myself sick on them once, because they were so good.

  10. Just a Mom says:

    LOL… this was a great post! My oldest daughter likes the Sun Chips and we have the insane noise maker bag! I did try sneaking some for a late night snack the other night and my husband flew into the kitchen because of the noise. We have a rodent hanging out at my house and he thought for sure that’s what it was! Stupid Chips!!

    • Laura says:

      Hmmmmmm……. that might be a good use for these disasters……

      cut them open, stash the chips. Lay them flat anywhere you suspect a mouse (or other rodent, like a chipmunk, maybe) might be lurking. Said rodent comes in, and the sound either chases them off or shocks them into stillness so the Attack Cat can then do her job.

      Nikki? Sue? Care to try it out?

  11. Sue says:

    Yes, we bought that bag once and it was ridiculous!!!! A bag of chips should not sound like a gianormous glacier is breaking off into the ocean! I do like sun chips and am glad the smaller bags don’t come like that yet b/c that would just ruin my Subway!

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