What makes you cry?

I’m sure most of you have heard the stories of people either making fun of or at least making smart alack comments on new Speaker of the House Rep. John Boehner’s crying. And he does it a lot. Very frequently. Here’s the Good Question about it. Does that make you uncomfortable? Does it seem weird to you when a man does it?

The first time I saw my dad cry was when one of our neighbors died of cancer. I think I was about 7 and it really scared me because it had never happened before. Since that first time I don’t think it was “as” hard for him and occasionally, he’d cry at things.

Here is an excerpt from the news story:

“Boys and girls cry the same amount up until age 12, when men have a huge decrease in crying,” he said. When puberty starts, different hormones lead to differently shaped tear ducts in men and women, at the same time, society tells boys to man up. That doesn’t mean that men are unable to cry, rather, they tend to suppress the emotional factors that fire the trigger.”

When my boys were young I did say “don’t cry, it’ll be okay” and hug them and say “sh, sh, sh, it’s okay” but I didn’t say it to them because they were boys. I didn’t want them to “man up” but I didn’t like to see them in pain and wanted to help. I never once told them it was unmanly to cry and in fact I admire it when a man can cry and show his feelings. I think it’s good and I think it’s emotionally healthy and I do think we all feel better after a good cry.

I cry pretty easy. I cry at sad times and happy times or sometimes from laughter. I can cry from a Hallmark commercial or those “reunion” type shows, when someone dies or recovers from an illness. When a baby is born or I get really mad and don’t know what else to do I’ll cry. I’ll admit I cry pretty easily.

What about you? What makes you cry? Does it make you uncomfortable when a man cries? Do you see it as wimpy or can you admire it?

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29 Responses to What makes you cry?

  1. Jason says:

    I can only think of a handful of times that I have cried post puberty. My son being born, my first b-day after moving to MN (my family sent me a video greeting for my b-day), once after a dr. visit where I was having some internal issues and the dr. mention that cancer was a possibility (everything turned out ok). I have never been someone to cry at the drop of a hat, just not the way i’m wired. I have never been one to lose control of my emotions, with the exception of occasional anger.

    • Joy says:

      I’m not really one for anger either and can usually walk away but afterwards when I talk to Paul about it I can cry if I’m still really frustrated. I think in that case it’s frustration rather than anger.

  2. Laura says:

    I cry at the drop of a hat. Seriously, I’m a big ol’ sap. I was bawling my eyes out when Josh’s class sang “Silent Night” at his Christmas Play this year. I cry at songs on the radio, tv commercials, almost anything. Thing is, it often sneaks up on me. The events of this past weekend? I didn’t cry at all over them. But a post that I’ve just put in the queue about a kind airline pilot? Tears everywhere.

    I think part of it is that I’m just over extended (stressed) and over emotional these days. And the other part of it is that I’m a girl, and we cry.

    Most times, I don’t have a problem with men crying. I have a serious problem with them using it to manipulate (just as, I’m sure, they have a problem with us doing that). I never believed it when Clinton cried over stuff. He was so media-savvy that I never believed him. I’ve seen other men cry, though, and had no problem with it.

  3. SKL says:

    As far as men crying, I think it depends on the context. I agree that I like the idea of a man who can cry, e.g., about bad stuff he can’t do anything about. I’ve seen my dad’s eyes fill with tears a couple times, and it didn’t make me think he was a wuss. At least two of my brothers cry even more easily, from frustration, but not frequently. What I don’t want to see is a man who cries instead of doing what he “can” do about a situation. If that makes any sense.

    For most of my life, I’ve rarely cried. Mostly I wouldn’t cry about anything except extreme frustration, except when I was a tween/teen and hormones made it harder to control my tears. At some point, maybe when I was around 40, I started to cry more at “emotional” stuff. I’m still not comfortable with this, but it is what it is. There is this song I’ve heard about 100 times and I still can’t really listen to it without tearing up. It’s called “I loved her first” and I have it on my adoption CD, dedicated to the foster moms and birth moms. (Sniff.) And then there is this cute Christmas song performed by kids about the gifts the “friendly beasts” gave to Jesus, and it gets me every time. Something about the innocence and sweetness of kids, wanting to give a gift to the baby Jesus. The KG class performed that in the Christmas program, and I was embarrassed but my eyes kept filling with tears. Weird. But that is what age has done to me.

    I don’t think crying is a girl vs. boy thing. I encourage my girls to hush quickly, because I don’t want the whole world to be disturbed or get the impression that my kids are brats (or that I can’t handle them). If it’s a really bad hurt or truly emotional disappointment, I’ll be a little less of a hardass.

    As for the Boehner thing, I haven’t seen how he presents himself since I don’t watch TV or internet videos. I’ve heard of some people making fun of him for crying, but I don’t know the context. I just read his words and actions, and he doesn’t strike me as a wimp or effeminate. So I really don’t care what his tear ducts are doing. I might if he were running for president or something – would he cry in front of the Chinese Premier? I don’t know. But for the job he has now, I have no problem with it.

  4. Joy says:

    I Loved Her First is for sure a cry maker. I think of Trinity and bawl.

    • SKL says:

      I just looked up the lyrics and teared up again. Imagine you’re this baby girl’s first mom or foster mom, and here comes this stranger to take her away:

      Look at the two of you dancing that way
      Lost in the moment and each others face
      So much in love your alone in this place
      Like there’s nobody else in the world
      I was enough for her not long ago
      I was her number one
      She told me so
      And she still means the world to me
      Just so you know
      So be careful when you hold my girl
      Time changes everything
      Life must go on
      And I’m not gonna stand in your way

      But I loved her first and I held her first
      And a place in my heart will always be hers
      From the first breath she breathed
      When she first smiled at me
      I knew the love of a [mother] runs deep
      And I prayed that she’d find you someday
      But it still hard to give her away
      I loved her first

      Oh yikes!

      • Ellen says:

        Beautiful, I never heard this song, but the lyrics make my eyes water. But, I cry about so many things, it is almost embarrassing, I mean it.

      • Laura says:

        Yeah, that’s one of those songs that causes me to change the radio station. Not because I don’t like it, but because I can’t drive and cry at the same time!

  5. mssc54 says:

    I think I may be related to Rep Boehner.

  6. Sue says:

    I cry very easily also. Commercials, movies, books. I can cry at all those things from the littlest hint of emotion. I will probably be crying at Trin’s first band concert and I had to hold back tears when she performed at our town festivals lip sync contest b/c she actually sang and she was so darn cute!

  7. DM says:

    I think this was such a thought provoking question! Hope you don’t mind…but before we crossed paths via the blog-o-sphere, I wrote a personal blog post about this very issue : https://hearttoheart.wordpress.com/2008/01/10/i-dont-cry/ I’m still pretty much @ the same place emotionally as I was 3 yrs ago when I first wrote that, though once in a while something will trigger a few tears. DM

  8. Morocco says:

    Life at times makes me cry. And I cry pretty easily. I think it is touching to see men cry as they rarely do. Crying is a healthy expression of emotion. Even Jesus wept.

  9. Joy says:

    The Bridges of Madison County makes me just bawl. The part at the end in the rain when she’s in her car and see’s him in his truck……I can cry just thinking about it.
    Brian’s Song-Can’t even listen to the theme song without tearing up.
    Love Story really does me in. I love that theme song too.
    In An Officer and a Gentleman, when he carries her out of that factory and she’s wearing his hat, does me in.
    The TV show that’s on now, Parenthood has really touched me since it came back from Thanksgiving hiatus. I’ve cried both Tues nights in a row. It’s very touching and I highly recommend it if you don’t watch anything else on Tues at 9. It’s really good.

    I’m sure I’ll be back. Now all I’m thinking about is this!!!!

    • Nikki says:

      That is my favorite song of his, I won’t even listen to it right now…because I’ll cry!

      • Joy says:

        I couldn’t listen either or I’d have had red eyes all morning. I really go somewhere else with this song and sometimes it’s just painful.

    • Jenny says:

      LOVE that song!!

      • Phyllis says:

        I, too, simply love that song, and it does make me tear up. Another of his songs is “Unanswered Prayers”. It tends to remind me of a personal situation years ago, when I prayed against one result. That prayer wasn’t answered, Thank you, Lord, and I cry because I realized just how much I would’ve missed out on if it HAD been answered.

  10. Nikki says:

    Oh goodness, I cry at Hallmark commercials, TV, movies, at nothing and everything! Extreme Makeover Home Edition gets me EVERY time! I can think about my son moving away and I bawl my head off. I tear up watching him pitch, especially when I hear other parents talk about him. I see a daughter/father emotional interaction or just chatting, I tear up because I never had that. Songs make me cry. I am VERY much a crier, always have been. My son is the same way. Jason USED to tell him to “man up” but recently we have had a “talk” about that it doesn’t happen anymore. He’s an emotional person just like I am, wears his heart on his sleeve. And to me, that’s okay. It shows he has a heart. My husband has a very “tough guy” exterior, but when you know him, really know him, he is a big softy. He is very emotional when it comes to kids. That’s probably the one thing that gets him the worst. He can’t watch movies where kids are hurt, or killed.

    Kids should be able to cry, but I do think there is a line. I would not be okay with my son crying if he got struck out, or if he couldn’t get something he wanted. If it warrants a cry, I am okay with it.

    • Nikki says:

      Oh, and to answer the question about seeing a man cry. I think there is something endearing about a man who can and is willing to cry if he feels he needs or wants too.

  11. Jenny says:

    I never really use to be a cryer. I would always suck it up. But ever since I had Hunter everything has changed. I get teary eyed alot!!! movies, songs, commercials, shows… lol. Sometimes I hate that my emotions get to me. Jason always laughs at me. And I tell him to shut up.. 🙂

  12. Grieving Mom says:

    I apologize beforehand if this reply is depressing or a downer to any of you…it is not my intention…I accidentally stumbled upon this page while browsing images in google..I guess God knew I needed to vent….?
    I cry if I let my mind wander too much about the what if’s, the should of’s, the would of’s, and could of’s when my son Justin was alive.. he died at the age of 20, 5 years ago…he was speeding on his motorcycle down main street in springfield oregon and hit a car that pulled in front of him. He had been drinking..:( He was my bestfriend… my absolute WORLD…:( I also cry if I ever have to drive past the Burger King parking lot,where his body landed and where he ultimately passed away 😦 I normally dont have tears for anything else…JJ seems to own them all….
    If I could just get past this pain I would ok, but I fear I never will…and my little girl suffers for it because of the depression and addiction I am now living with…she stays with her Father because I am just too rock bottom emotionally and mentally to be there for her…:( I hate myself and my life for not being stronger for myself and my little girl…she deserves and needs me in her life and it is killing me to gently push her away so often all because I dont want her to see the turmoil and the truth I live everyday.

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