When I was a little girl my grandma used to go once a week with all her little old lady friends to the Greenridge Cemetery and “take care of the graves.” They’d all load up their tools and would fill 2 quart jars with water and off they’d go. She used to say that a neglected grave was a travesty and someone had to do it.
We also weren’t EVER supposed to walk over a site or even kneel in the middle. We were to work from the head, foot or sides. It was very disrespectful to walk over someones burial site.
Does anyone do this kind of thing anymore? I live very close to two cemeteries and I never ever see anyone at them. Nobody is ever visiting or planting or watering or just there talking or contemplating things in their life with their loved one.
This is how I feel about it. My mother in law was really my first taste of death as an adult and it hit me really hard. I had a hard time with the whole “cemetery” thing and hated the thought of her there in the ground and the thought of her being cold. I KNOW!!!! She wasn’t really there anymore. It was just her body but I couldn’t sleep the night we buried her. My mind was going nuts. I only went to that cemetery one time. I felt no connection whatsoever to her or did I ever feel close to her being there.
Now when the time came for my grandma and grandpa, I love to go see them at their place of rest. I feel them there. I don’t know why but my whole paternal side of the family is there and it’s fun for me to walk around and “visit” everyone. When I lived in Canada I went there at least once a week. I go there every single time I go up there. Maybe it’s because I went there with my grandma and took care of those sites. I’m pretty sure I feel close to her there because she took such pride in taking care of them like she did. I myself feel a sense of peace there that I’ve never felt at any other cemetery.
Fast forward to now. I have an aunt and uncle who we cremated and scattered their ashes on our big hill out back and I do think of them when I go up there. This is what both my parents want as well as what Paul and I want. I feel funerals and coffins and all that crap are a gross waste of money and I’d rather leave that money to my kids than have a $5000 coffin. I’m not even going there!!!!
But is that fair to not have some kind of a “marker” or have a place for your kids or grandchildren or even future generations to come and “reflect” or make a family tree or for whatever reason want to “find” you? Do you think you should leave that something behind? Is that fair? Do you feel you should maybe be cremated and yet buy a plot at a cemetery but not have your body buried there? What if when we’re long gone and strangers own this property. Where can our kids or grandkids go to think of us or talk to us?
This is such a personal thing and I’m wondering how you all feel about this? Do you go to a cemetery to “visit” anyone? Does it make you feel close to that person or don’t you feel them there? Do you want to be buried and where will you buried? Do you talk about this with your kids and loved ones?