What kind of thing bothers you?

The other day Sue wrote this post about our recent Christmas gifts and if we liked them all and are still using them or are they now sitting all alone is some far corner. Jenny had commented about a toy Hunter got that farted and he loved it at first but now, not so much. I’d said I’m never have let that toy in my house because I hated farting. Jason asked how could that have worked when I raised two boys.

WELL?!?!?…….I hate farts. Not just the smell but also the sound. I also hate burping. I pretty much feel both of these things, unless really accidental, should be at least done in another room. They’re both pretty gross things. We go to the bathroom in private so why would we subject other people to that same smell? I know people who think the louder, the stinker, the better! To me, that’s just piggish and gross.

I didn’t really even have to tell my boys this. They just knew growing up that this was “one of those things mom hates” so we’d best just not do it. Now I’m not talking about a random burp or fart but I can remember my brother having faring and burping contests with his friend Brian. To this day I’ve never forgotten it and ISH!!! How gross is that??

What personally, as a parent, really bothered you and you just plain out didn’t/don’t allow? I was a pretty lenient parent when it came to most things. I expected respect though I didn’t always get it. I’m not going to paint a pretty picture and we did have our fair share of problems. Kindness. I also didn’t tolerate late. For every minute my boys where late they were grounded an hour. I always told them if they could be 10 minutes late than they could be 10 minutes early. They also couldn’t EVER ask me if “so and so” could come over and play or do anything with us if that person was present. If they wanted someone over, they had so ask me in private. I NEVER budged on these few things.

I played with my kids and we pretty much had a good time but for certain things, I was always consistent. I feel being late is rude and if you’re late, you make other people wait and you’re really not that important to be allowed to do that. I also worried out of my mind. The asking the friends to do things. Well, I worked with them and their friends at school everyday so they would have made it a habit and they put me in a bad light if I have to say no in front of them. So they knew the rule and if they asked in front of the friend, it was an automatic no and I’d tell the person they were with that they’re supposed to ask me things like that in private.

But if they broke a window with a baseball or flooded the bathtub with bubbles and water, I never got mad at those things. Accidents to me were just that but consideration and thoughtfulness was what I  tried hard to enforce.

I hope I don’t sound too hard. You only need to say “Ike could have come over after school had you asked me this morning” once in front of them. If you waffle and say yes “sometimes”, that’s the problem because kids think “today may be the day she’ll say yes.”

What weren’t you allowed to do as a child and what will you not budge on with your kids?

Remember, you have to say no or enforce your rules every single time or this doesn’t work?

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13 Responses to What kind of thing bothers you?

  1. SKL says:

    Hmm, my mom used to be pretty strict, or at least I thought so. She was one of the very few working moms when I was in school. So we were never allowed to have kids in the house, either because there was no adult there, or because my parents were finally home and needed their rest. The immediate answer to most “can I have” and “can I go” questions was “NO,” especially if they cost money or took up adult time. So I used to figure out my own ways of saving up money and making up crafts and such. We had to go in & out the back door and change out of our “school clothes” immediately, or else. We were not allowed to just eat whatever we wanted, especially not goodies, without express permission. When it came to “gross” stuff, my parents tended to let it be a joke up to a point, but beyond a point, it wasn’t funny any more. (Personally I always found farting gross and actually wished my parents would stop my siblings from doing it just to bug me. Ugh, don’t remind me.) But what really bugged my mom was if you kept trying to get her attention during “her shows.” She’d try to ignore it for a while and finally end up screaming.

    Me? My kids are on the young side of 4, so they are still young for a lot of hard-ass stuff, or so I think. They are still inconsistent about basic manners and “respect,” so we are working on that. I think that’s pretty important. Another thing is my kids know that I don’t like to hear the same thing repeated more than 3 times in a row. Also too much shrillness or whining. And acting helpless when you’re not.

    As far as the usual “responsibilities” such as getting ready, cleaning up – they can and will do these things, but I myself am not consistent enough to really expect them to be reliable, yet.

    Although I don’t have a lot of hard, fast rules, I do expect my kids to listen when I speak, and I will rarely back down from an order or threat. Another thing about me is that I don’t buy stuff just because someone asks for it. My usual response is that they need to work and earn their own money and remember to bring it the next time if they want to buy something.

    This is where living with a bunch of other adults can be hard. They often forget that it’s important to not undermine kids’ parents. So if I say “you can have only 1” they will say “go ahead and take 2.” Sounds like no big deal, but what it really says is “your mom is full of shit, don’t listen to her.” So I periodically have to bitch at them and even consequence my kids for listening to them.

  2. Phyllis says:

    My biggies are be respectful, of and to others and be courteous! The other biggie is DO NOT LIE! Either by not telling the truth, or by omitting details. Either way is a lie and therefore unacceptable.

    • SKL says:

      Oh yeah, lying was a big one with my mom, and I have been picky about honesty all my life. My kids are a little young though – they are just starting to toy with the idea that I might actually believe them if they tell me a whopper. And sometimes I can’t tell who’s telling the truth. “She hit me.” “No I didn’t.” So I don’t know whom to punish.

  3. Ellen says:

    Great post, Joy. Good subject. Pretty much the same with my children. Late for dinner, next day no playing outside after school. If it happened again, 2 days inside. Etc. Etc.
    Lying was a no no too at my house. But doing something by accident, like breaking things, I never got mad. Being respectful to others, was a big thing in m house as well. In the Dutch language you have a formal way of the “you” word for adults and strangers. One of our rules was that they had to say that formal word to all adults, except to me and there father. Lot of adults did not want that, it made them feel “old”. To be honest I did not care about that. I explained we had to be consistent in this. And you know, they have always been polite and respectful to adults and still they show respect for older people.

  4. Laura says:

    Oh, the name thing!!! That’s one of my biggest pet peeves in modern child-rearing. I was raised that EVERY adult, other than those related to me, were referred to with a title before their name… either Mr/Mrs/Miss Smith, or, in the case of my dance teacher, Miss Elaine. I am trying to instill that in Josh. It’s a sign of respect from a child. But SO MANY people will step in and say, “oh, no… hahaha… Mrs. Smith is my mother-in-law! I’m Jane.”

    Well, that’s fine between you and me, Jane, but he’s 7. He will treat you with respect, and use a title.

    “But it doesn’t respect MY wishes if he calls me something I don’t want to be called.”

    Those other adults, even ones with children, don’t understand that it’s not about THEM. It’s about this child and what he’s learning about the world around him.

    Don’t even get me started on the belching and farting. I’m just like you, Joy. I feel like it’s a sign of disrespect to do it repeatedly around others. Unless you’re sick, if you “emit”, you excuse yourself and deal with the problem. There is someone I know very well who is just constantly doing it, all day long. This person doesn’t even realize it’s happening anymore. It’s absolutely disgusting.

    If Josh does it, however, he gets nailed for it. Every time.

    Other fast-and-hard rules? I don’t have many. Treat others, including your mother, with respect. Don’t lie. If I tell you to do something, it gets done. You are not so special that whatever rule IS in play does not apply to you.

    • SKL says:

      I agree on the name thing. With my kids I use “aunt/uncle __” unless it’s a teacher, in which case it’s “miss/mr./coach ___.” They do let it slide sometimes with the people who live here. I need to remind them from time to time. Also, their part-time nanny has taught them over the years to call her by her first name only, so I leave that alone.

      When I was a kid, my mom’s close friends and brothers were called by their first names, so I wasn’t exactly raised using titles; but I do think it’s respectful, so I prefer for my kids to use them.

    • Joy says:

      We were taught also to call people Mr and Mrs and aunt, uncle and so forth. It just really doesn’t seem to happen anymore.

    • Phyllis says:

      I agree on the name thing. Mr or Mrs is a respectful title that should be used by youngsters. If the person insists on the use of their first name the Mr or Mrs should still be used, as in Ms. Phyllis, Mr Tom. The aunt and uncle title should be in use for life. I’m in my 50’s and have always used Aunt this or Uncle whosis. This is one of many ways we can teach our children to respect others.

  5. Morocco says:

    ~I don’t like to see boys walk around in boxers. I think it is gross and inappropriate.
    ~Adults must be greeted with Mr., Ms., or Mrs.
    ~Also, I am a stickler about keeping rooms clean and picking up after yourself.
    ~A set bedtime is an absolute in our home.
    ~I agree with you wholeheartedly about your pet peeves. Enough can’t be said about bad manners!!!
    ~No foul/suggestive/inappropriate language ever

  6. mssc54 says:

    LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Maybe when I calm down a little later I’ll expand on that.

  7. Nikki says:

    The Aunt and Uncle thing is a must from my son. I, to this day couldn’t imagine calling my aunts and uncles just by their name. I expect Bailey to do the same. Please and thank you’s. Making fun of people for things like deformities, special needs…I do not put up with that one bit! Rudeness and bossiness, in general is not okay. Lying, of course is never okay. I think all of these things are common sense in raising a kid though.

    The farting thing, boy I wished Jason would have carried on that same respect he had for you on to ME! LOL Bailey usually watches that kind of stuff around me, but he is under his fathers influence!! LOL

    What else? I don’t know, I’l have to think about it more. I just spent 3 hours getting my computer to work right! Not very happy….I’ll be back!

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