Today on The Talk, one of the conversations was about worry. Do you worry? It’s right around the 6 minute mark but if you listen, I was just like Sharon Osborne. Like she said “I worry about everything. Every-Little-Thing.” Whether it’s her kids or Ozzy or her dogs, she’s always worried or thinking about something. Some expert suggests that 40% of us worry every day.
I worried about car accidents or bus accidents. Illness’s. Kidnapping. Getting hurt. I worried did my kids remember their homework or did they have their lunch? What if they needed treats for something and there wasn’t enough? What if they got sick during the day and I had to go somewhere? I worried about the dog when I wasn’t home. Wondering if she was lonely. Not only did I worry about my kids and Paul but grandparents, parents, brother and nephews. I worried about EVERYTHING. I’m really surprised I didn’t give myself a heart attack with all the worrying. I was once listening to someone talk about worry and he said that 90% of what you worry about never happens. Most of this never did happen. Jason liked to give me some good scares but nothing life altering has really ever happened accident or tragedy wise.
Why do some people worry and others don’t? Julie Chen said her mom was Buddhist and they believe that their destinies and life paths were set at birth so most Chinese people really don’t worry about stuff like this so it’s not anything she grew up doing or seeing.
Are you a worrywart? What’s the biggest thing that keeps you up at night? Did your parents worry? How do you NOT worry?
nothing keeps me up at night currently but……….. I DO have a cronic low grade “heart ache” for a three of my kids. Second on my list is our economy/current leaders in government and the direction I see them taking us. I feel like I’m a passenger on a jet with some drunken pilots in the cockpit. I think I have good reason to be concerned…is it worry? yea, probably. It’s one thing to have to suffer the consequences of my own poor choices…but having to suffer as a result of some ivy league twit who thinks he knows better than me how to run my life, that makes me both worried and angry.
I used to have talk radio on most of the day – in the background. I didn’t listen much, but often I’d tune in and a lot of the stuff would be really funny. So I didn’t mind leaving it on. Now? It’s Armageddon stuff, all day long. I can’t listen to it. My iPod is getting a LOT of workout these days!
There isn’t too much I don’t worry about. I think all the time, and sometimes they are quite morbid…like will my son wake up the next morning. I will literally spend hours laying in bed scared to death. It’s REALLY bad when he’s sick. I worry myself sick. I worry about little things, like you. Whether or not I remembered to give him a snack, or if he has enough money in his lunch account. I worry about my friends and family. I worry about EVERY-LITTLE-THING…and it gets exhausting. I could go on for days about the things I think about.
I’d love to say, I won’t worry about the things I cannot control, but it’s just the way I was wired.
I don’t know that my mom worried about me much. It’s a safe bet to say my dad did not.
Ever since I became a mom, oh boy do I worry!! I worry too much. And I hate it. All the little things I worry about and I hate thinking what if? I mainly worry about my family.
I also used to worry quite a bit. Usually about big things, the stuff that would really shake the foundation of my life. When I’d catch myself nearing obsession on an issue I would play “worse case” scenario. IF this happened what’s the worst that could happen? Then I’d make plans to deal with the worse case. After I had a plan I was able to stop and get on doing what needed to be done. Later in life I’d look back when tough times hit and say to myself “if I got through that, I know I can handle this”. That worked for most of my life. About 12 yrs ago (after becoming a Christ follower), I learned to “let go and let God”, as well as the power of prayer. This was a really tough lesson to learn because I’d always felt I could only depend on myself and/or my immediate family. Finally learning that God really does care about every aspect of my life, that He’s not looking to trip me up, that He really IS in control and has all the provisions in place if I’ll take the time to pray and listen to His guidance (and follow it), has made life a much better and joyous experience. In my experience the power of prayer is a truly amazing thing! Turning issues over to Him and getting out of His way allows me to really see, experience, and simply be awed by the results.
I guess the best way to explain it would be to say life used to be a constant challenge, now I find even the challenges are an adventure!
I played “worst case scenario” too Phyllis. I hated that. If one of my boys were 3 minutes late I was planning a funeral. I hated it.
Oh, when my daughter was late coming home she had about 20 minutes before I set out on a search mission. She always hated that so she learned to be home on time or make a phone call. It was easier than dealing with the “witchy woman” who caught up with her!
My dad used to sit up for my sister until she came home, whatever time that was. If she said she was going to be home at 12, he would forsake his bedtime and sit up until she walked through the door. I used to pick on him for that, because 99% of the time she was on time, and the other 1% she called to say what was making her late and give a revised ETA. (I mean, what more could a teen’s parent ask?) But my dad was firm. He was going to do this until Sis turned 18, and as I was not a parent, I had no business commenting. Now that I look back, I think maybe he wanted to be ready in case she needed him to come and pick her up. That happened exactly 1 time, when she was nearly 18 and her boyfriend had car trouble. (She was extremely embarrassed.) Then again, maybe it was to guilt her into being on time. Who wants to get “the look” from a dad who has been kept from his sleep?
I consider it a gift and a curse that my parents taught me NOT to worry. Seriously, there is very little that I really worry over. Rant? yes. B* and moan? absolutely. But actual, keep-me-up-at-night worry? No.
Even with Josh, if he doesn’t have lunch one day? There’s money in his account. If he doesn’t have a snack? He should have told me (I told you, I’m a Mean Mommy), and he won’t starve if he doesn’t have a snack this one day. When he’s sick, I do what I know needs to be done. I have low-grade worry then, but it’s rarely fatalistic. It’s more of a, “wow, I really hope he feels better, poor thing” kind of a deal.
Couple years ago, my little family faced our worst-case scenario, and even during that, I can only remember one time when I actually thought – and asked out loud – “what if he dies?” And my brother looked me straight in the eye and said, “then you’ll keep going. You’ll figure it out, because that’s what you do.” And he was right. Steve didn’t die, and we’re figuring it out. THAT, more than anything else, taught me… “don’t rent troubles you don’t need.” And that’s exactly what worrying is. Renting troubles that probably won’t even happen.
Now, I DO get stressed. But I consider that different from worry. I’m not considering ‘what if…’ scenarios, I’m just thinking, ‘go-go-go’ as the pressure dials higher and higher. And then the event, deadline, whatever, comes, and *poof!!* everything is ok.
Laura, you’ve done and are doing a fine job! (hugs you and smiles)
I love that phrase..”Don’t rent troubles you don’t need.” I’m going to remember it!
That’s an excellent phrase!
I don’t worry on a daily basis. Just once in a while, there will be something that makes me worry until I get some sense of which direction it’s going. Like when a loved one has a health scare, or someone is unaccounted for in bad weather or the like.
I stress about work deadlines and stuff like that. But I wouldn’t call that worry.
I am not sure why I’m like I am. Could be that by nature, I’m not a person with big ups and downs. Or as Phyllis says, I trust that despite my humble human errors and impotence, there is a higher power that gives me confidence that the sun will come up tomorrow, etc. Or because I’m not a very materialistic person and “things” don’t make me happy, so losing my “things” would not be the end of the world. Or maybe I just haven’t had anything horrible happen to me, so I’m clueless.
When a worry enters my mind, I just rationalize that worrying isn’t going to improve the outcome. I decide to do what I can to manage the risks, and if that’s not enough and a bad thing happens, I’ll deal with it then. If one out of a hundred things people “worry” about actually happens, I get to feel bad about that 1/100, but worriers feel bad about all 100 and then feel bad again when that 1 bad thing actually happens. I kinda prefer it my way.
Well, now speaking of worry, my sister S just called to inform me that the heartbeat of my unborn niece/nephew (at 26 weeks gestation) is giving the doctors cause for concern. They told my sister L, “don’t call your husband yet, but . . .” Should I worry or not??
So I got on the internet to see what the survival rates are for a 26-week preemie. Of course I don’t know if there are other complications present, but I’m going with “80-90%” and hopefully at the high end of that, since she’s in a really good hospital for this kind of thing and she had the lung steroid a couple weeks ago. Of course it’s all in God’s hands and only He knows if this baby has a future with our family. Nothing I can do about that either way, except maybe pray.
Worrying won’t do anything except make everything worse, because we ALWAYS go to worst-case. She’s in good hands. She’s a smart lady, and has the absolute support and love of everyone around her. And lots of prayers from all over the country. Hang in there… every day she *doesn’t* deliver, is one more day that baby gets to “cook”.
Saying a prayer for her and the babe. Laura’s right, the longer the baby can cook the better and they can do amazing things these days to make sure that happens. It’s hard not to worry in situations like these so I’ll say a prayer for you too 🙂
Continuing prayer for L and babe!
Oh, and yes, I think my parents are more of worriers than I am. Especially my mom. Though frankly, I can’t really tell whether it’s “worry” or just letting one’s mind land on “what ifs” during the course of the day. I think “worry” involves dread that isn’t easy to shake. I hope my parents aren’t feeling that all day long.
I think I have a normal amount of worry. I worried more when I was younger now that I think of it! I worry about my kids and the what if’s, but I don’t dwell on them and I don’t think about it daily. Like stress, a small amount of worry is ok for you, but when you start worrying obsessively it can really take a toll on your health both mentally and physically. What does everyone do to beat their worry?
Those times that I DO worry? I sit down and take it (mentally) to it’s absolute most extreme end. Even if it means looking the death of my child in the face (and I’m choking up just typing those words), I do it. Because then I realize that, 99% of the time, it’s my mind making stuff up just to piss me off. And sometimes, when you consider that “absolute worst option”, you find a solution along the way. But most of the time, it just gives my mind a chance to “go there”, and then it thanks me and leaves me alone.