One liners from Maxine

1. My husband and I divorced over religion differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
2.
I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
4.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.
I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!
17.
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18
. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24
. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.




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5 Responses to One liners from Maxine

  1. Sue says:

    #3 makes me laugh 🙂

  2. Joy says:

    I loved #1 and got stuck there for a bit and then I also really like #3.

  3. Phyllis says:

    I love them all! I truly get a kick out of Maxine! She’s my all time favorite! 😀

  4. Nikki says:

    #1, #3, and #13…made me laugh the most but all are funny!

  5. Laura says:

    I got to about 18, and quit. I’ll read the rest later.

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