Has this ever affected you?

Are you a parent helping to support an adult child? Are you an adult child supporting a parent? Does it frustrate you? Or, have you ever been in the position you’ve had to ask your parents for financial support? Does it frustrate you? How does this impact the relationship?

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8 Responses to Has this ever affected you?

  1. SKL says:

    I’ve helped my parents and some of my siblings quite a lot. The only thing I found really frustrating was the way they sometimes decided to use the money – e.g., my mom would turn around and give it to a sibling who was screwing up his life. That was not the point of my helping my parents – the point was so they would get out from under their own mountain of debt. Well, when I became a mom and drained my liquid savings and switched jobs to get a big pay cut, and my parents had paid off their house, I felt OK ending the regular checks I was writing them. Now that it’s been a while, the memory of any frustrations is fading. I hope that my siblings will step up and help them if needed at some point. One person can only do so much.

    I also continue to help my sister who’s been unemployed since shortly after Obama was elected. I don’t mind it. I think she’s doing what she can for the most part. She also helps me by spending a lot of time with my kids.

    My helping my family was a big thorn in the side of my ex. He thought it was just horrible for parents to accept help from a daughter. So that made me wonder if others feel that way too. I just felt like they had given me everything I had when their life was a struggle, and after all, they were my parents. I was making decent money and didn’t have much to spend it on anyway. I would have felt guilty watching them struggle when I had the means to help.

    • SKL says:

      I should note that I lived in my parents’ house until I went to law school at 21. They kept my room for me until after my 1st summer in law school, when I was 22 (then my kid sister moved into it). When I was in college, I paid room and board, which in my view at the time, was more than I cost my parents (they might disagree).

      My mom stopped letting me give her money some months before I went to law school, knowing I’d need the cash (from my factory job) once I was living in a dorm and jobless. My mom also helped set me up in the dorm. I remember thinking it was really nice of her to buy me sheets (the bed was an odd shape). I didn’t take any of it for granted; I was not used to getting free stuff at that point. But, I didn’t feel guilty – just really appreciative.

  2. Laura says:

    Well, I would LIKE to be in the position to help my parents if they need it. Unfortunately, it’s the other way around, and because of our situation, parents are still helping us. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is, how infuriating it is, and how stressful. This is not the way “it’s supposed to be”. I’m supposed to be the one helping them at this point of my life. We try not to allow it to affect our relationship – I think they believe me when I say that I cannot find a job. But it’s still difficult on my end. I am living with a lot of shame over it. And that’s all I have to say about that.

  3. Nikki says:

    Well my child isn’t an adult yet, but if he ever needs help and we’re in the position to do so we absolutely will. We’ve had to go to our parents for help and we hate it. Who likes to admit they need help??? We haven’t gone to any of them for some time and we don’t plan on it.

  4. Joy says:

    There have been only a few times that we’ve had to ask for help and yes, it sucks. I think it only affects the relationship if there are misunderstandings about “paying it back.” Paul and I have come to the conclusion that if you can’t afford to give it then you shouldn’t borrow it out because if you expect to get it back, then it will affect it. If you get paid back it’s just a bonus. I have a cousin who owes us a lot of money but we gave it to her knowing she really needed it and we didn’t expect it back. Of course we never got it back but other things ruined the relationship.

    I also think it would be different if someone depended on me all the time like I owed them. That wouldn’t sit well with me. I think at a certain point you have to help yourself.

    Bottom line, if I can help, I will with no hard feelings. That’s what family and friends are for.

  5. mssc54 says:

    I did borrow money from my parents when we were much younger. Heck we were friggn teenagers when we got married! Didn’t you see that in the previus Question of the Day? Paid every dime back and more.

    Haven’t helped our oldest two adult daughters. They do very well for themselves.

    Now our (nearly) twenty-two year old daughter is another matter. I say I don’t mind paying for her medical insurance and giving her a gas card and paying her car insurance but… What bothers me is that she practices “adult behavior.” Which I do NOT condone but “she’s an adult.” Right? Just not adult enough to be an adult? What’s up with that?

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