If it’s virtual, does it constitute cheater-cheater-pumpkin eater? And, if the answer is yes, is ‘non-physical’ cheating more or less offensive than ‘going all the way?’
Inspired by Gayle King
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Us Girls..Our Views 
Well, I’m not really qualified to talk about all this. But what the heck. If it’s virtual – does that mean a guy you know in real life and you’re flirting / sexting with him? Or is it a guy you never actually met in person and don’t intend to? If it’s the latter, I’d say that goes in the same category as fantasizing about a guy on your favorite TV show. Harmless, unless it’s a major obsession. If it’s someone you know, like maybe an old flame, then that seems more like cheating. I mean, what if you went out for a romantic dinner with the guy (secretly) and didn’t “do anything” afterwards? Isn’t that still cheating? At some point you’re inviting the other person to view it as potentially physical. So yeah – I don’t think you wait until you’re actually nekkid together before you start feeling a little guilty.
So that’s what its called now? Eating pumpkin?
I’ve always used the benchmark… if it’s something you wouldn’t do in front of your spouse, then it’s cheating. So if you’re sending these texts, but would not want your spouse to read or even know about them? Then it’s cheating. If you’re just a “flirty personality”, and your spouse would read these texts and go, “eh, that’s just the way s/he is with everyone,” then I’m guessing it would be ok.
The only way this wouldn’t hold up is if you would go postal on your spouse if s/he was doing the same thing. Some people have different standards. They can send sexy emails, virtually have sex via email/text/phone with someone, but if they caught their spouse doing exactly the same thing, they’d completely lose it and consider THEM to be the cheater. If that’s the case? Then no, you don’t get to do it, either.
It’s a goose/gander thing, in my book.
Dito.
I’m with you. If you wouldn’t do it if your spouse is present then you just plain shouldn’t be doing it!
The worse thing we can do (in my own opinion mind you) is to allow someone besides our spouse to get into our mind. That leads to them getting into our emotions, etc. etc, etc. Big mistake no matter how I look at it. I think even for naturally flirty people it will lead to problems.
So, yes, I’d consider it cheating.
I’m not really a jealous person but I think if my husband shared deep thoughts or feelings with someone, it would bother me just as much as if it were the actual sexual deed. If he went to someone else instead of me with something, that would bother me. I don’t think it’s got to be just sex to be cheating.
I also agree with Laura on if it’s okay with the goose, it should be okay with the gander. I know someone who cheated, and often, but if her husband so much as mentioned seeing someone somewhere, she’d get furious. It just wasn’t fair. I really think she had a guilty conscience.
Sharing intimate thoughts and feeling with someone else is cheating. If you are just venting and needing the other sex’s take on something-that isn’t cheating. Men and women can be just friends. But this is not that….sexting or whatever the heck that is, is wrong. I think Laura said it best-if you’re doing something that you wouldn’t do in front of your spouse or want them to see, then it’s wrong.
Laura and Nikki nailed it, and Joy, your illustration puts a vivid face on the issue. A tough question, but an important one, especially in our era of easy technology. Now, back to my porn . . .
*snicker*