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Posted on September 18, 2011 by Joy
This entry was posted in anger, behavior, bullying, children, choices, differences, emotions, feelings, fighting, kids, people, problems, things, today's times and tagged anger, behavior, bullying, children, choices, differences, emotions, feelings, fighting, kids, opinions, people, problems, teenagers, things, today's times. Bookmark the permalink.
Yikes. No, I could never do this kind of thing in a million years, but what really is the right thing to do if a child is being bullied and the school won’t do anything? When I was 13, I was being bullied and I am 100% sure that the band teacher saw a much bigger girl punch me repeatedly (hard) right there in band class. It goes without saying that if I would have retailated, I would have been the one getting into trouble. I took so much crap from a group of about 10 girls over a period of months. Eventually they kind of “grew up” and it ended, right before summer break. It seems bullying has only gotten worse since then.
I do believe that kids who can stand up for themselves from the get-go will not be bullied. But once the pattern starts, it’s very hard to break it. It’s hard to expect a basically abused person to grow balls and tell her abusers off (verbally or physically). Parents are at their wits’ end. Luckily, only some of them have completely lost it (and no, I don’t condone that).
Anyone have any ideas on how to fix the bullying problem?
What a skank!
This kind of crap pisses me off. I saw a facebook post last week from a 16 year old girl (family) and she wanted to “whoop some a$$!” Well guess who encouraged her? Her mother! I was disgusted by what she said to her daughter. “That’s right, mamma taught you good. who is it-lets go, I’m ready to kick some a$$!” That is not a normal reaction of a mother. I’m sorry, it’s just wrong in every way.
There’s nothing wrong (IMHO) with teaching our kids to defend themselves when necessary. But to encourage your kid to fight someone, especially when she clearly does NOT want to physically fight with another girl, is just plain ignorant! And this mother was acting like a child herself! This is sad, and really makes me worry for our younger generation.
I whole heartily believe that bullying starts at home. I bet if you took a good look at every bully’s home life, there is something missing, wrong…somewhere.
I don’t know what can be done about bullying. I think it’s pretty hard to “classify” it to begin with. Where does teasing leave off and bullying begin? I got teased about so much when I was younger and I was bullied by a kid but I avoided him. Things with the Internet have changed so much. I think first you have to make sure it is bullying and go from there.
If one of my kids were being bullied to this extreme, I’d say go ahead and duke it out but I wouldn’t be the referee for crying out loud. I do believe to a certain extreme what my parents used to tell us and that’s the whole “sticks and stones” thing and “you have to figure out how to fight your own battle.” Jason was bullied once and Paul told him to grab the kid and tell him to knock it off and it worked and it stopped but sometimes it’s not as simple as that.
First, that mother is an idiot. Sounds like her daughter was far smarter than her, in her “i don’t want to fight” stance. Kids usually know their physical limitations when it comes to something like that. And if she was up against more than one person, it would have been stupid and suicidal to initiate a fight. That’s where the phrase “pick your battles” comes in.
That said, I think the schools are *horrible* when it comes to everything concerned with bullying. Josh was busted once for defending himself on the playground. It wasn’t “bullying”, but it was a play situation that had gotten out of hand. Another kid had him in a bear hug. Josh couldn’t get out, so he bit the kid in the shoulder. And got in trouble for it. I asked him, “why didn’t you push the other kid away?” “Because I get in trouble for pushing.” “Why didn’t you slide out of his grip?” “Too tight” “Why didn’t you call for a teacher?” “I did, they didn’t hear me. We were under the playground equipment”, “Why didn’t you kick him in the shins?” “We’re not allowed to kick”
This kid had him tight, he couldn’t get away. He was not allowed to push, kick, he yelled for help and got none. What was he supposed to do? And yet, HE was the one who got busted for extricating himself from the situation. (He also got busted by me for biting, because you just don’t bite, but still)
Our stance around here is, “You do not start a fight. You never throw the first punch. But you sure as heck have our permission to throw the last.” It may not sound like the perfect Zero Tolerance approach to a situation, but I’m also not going to have him getting pounded on because he’s afraid to defend himself.
I don’t know what the answer is. But I think a start is for schools to “Man Up” and understand that defense and bullying are not the same thing. A child who defends himself or others, even physically, should not be punished. And when it is known that a bully is around, the situation should be dealt with swiftly and without hesitation. Even if it means tossing the kid out of school for a while.
You know, sadly I left the school because of naughty kids. Kids who’s parents didn’t make them accountable for anything. Some parents really intimidate the administration and there were MANY times I was told to “overlook” certain things that “certain” kids did. I got an apple thrown at me and I got shoved by a big 7th grader and was told there would be no “pink slip” for the kid. He just had to sit in the lunchroom and wasn’t allowed outside but how sad is that? Some parent’s honestly don’t see how misbehaved their kids are and I think that’s a major thing that has to change.